There are a lot of articles out there, mine included, which discuss traits or characteristics of the ‘right person.’ Ways they treat you, ways they conduct themselves, what the relationship should look like…
But the truth is, relationships are not about checking items off of a list. They are not about an arbitrary test score or seeing how someone matches up to some list a blogger put together on the internet. Yes, these concepts can help you determine whether or not someone may be a good person or a good match for you, but relationships are not just about logic or reason. In fact, they are seldom about that at all.
We need to find a balance between emotional happiness and knowing what type of person is right for us. This requires being open and honest with ourselves about what we want, but also what we feel. Just because you have met a woman who checks off all of the boxes on a list doesn’t mean that she will be right for you in the long run.
Needless to say, everyone will have different experiences and circumstances that make them feel as though they have found the person they’ve been looking for all along, but here are some signs that I have found worth paying attention to:
You completely lose interest in talking to or seeing anyone else.
In my experience, when you find a woman who you can both see and feel real potential with, there is absolutely no point in talking to any other women – even if you were previously. I feel as though if you have been dating someone for more than a few weeks and still have interest in romantically pursuing others, it is a good sign that she is not the right one for you.
You always want to be connected with her somehow.
Modern technology is fantastic because it allows us to communicate with each other instantly at any time of the day. Our grandparents have long love letters to each other they had to wait a week or two for a response for. They make for romantic heirlooms, but not particularly the best form of communication. When a woman has fully captured your attention, you always want to be talking to her, even if it just means texting through the day. Every time you see her name come up on your phone is like coming across a winning lottery ticket.
You see sex differently.
Sex and physical intimacy are important parts of any relationship – but when you find a woman who you form a real, genuine connection with, your priority list shifts. Maybe you haven’t even slept together yet, but the truth is you don’t care. Why? Because that’s not what this relationship is built on. It is built on depth, respect, happiness, and what could someday grow into love.
Of course that’s not to say it shouldn’t happen – when two consenting adults feel a strong mutual attraction, there is nothing wrong with acting on it – and when you find the woman you’ve been looking for, the explosiveness of even the smallest touch or kiss will be an indicator of just how amazing the intimacy will be when it does happen.
You start to reevaluate what happiness means to you.
When you are single, happiness is simply dependent on what you want as an individual. What you want to do, where you want to travel to, what you want to accomplish. These things are always important to keep in your heart because they are a reflection of your true self. It is important to note that the right woman will not change this or take it away from you.
What may happen though, is that you begin to factor her into your decisions. Her happiness becomes as important to you as your own – and you are therefore willing to compromise in these areas of life. Remember, compromise is not the same as sacrifice, because the idea is to find a common ground that makes you both happy.
I don’t see this as losing freedom, I see it as gaining a new layer of fulfillment in your life that you have the privilege of sharing with someone else.
You start to push yourself to become better.
We should all strive to become the best version of ourselves, regardless of our relationship status. But when the right person comes into your life, often times we find a renewed motivation. A deeper meaning, a stronger reason to succeed in whatever it is we are trying to succeed in. Getting into better shape, accomplishing a personal or professional goal, suddenly there is a brighter light shining along our path because we want to make her proud as well. We want to give her the gift of the best us. By accomplishing what we set out to, we are now improving not just one life, but two.
You start thinking about the future.
Don’t worry, I’m not trying to scare any of the commitment-phobes out there. I don’t mean you should be out shopping for engagement rings and baby carriages after the first month, but you will have no hesitation about planning for the next month. And the month after that. And maybe even the holidays.
When the right woman enters your life, you will suddenly realize how much she enhances it and therefore want to share every experience with her.
You realize that everything about her is beautiful.
Not because she’s physically perfect, but because when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about her automatically becomes beautiful. If you find yourself being hung up on physical imperfections [which all of us have], then you are not with the right woman for you. When you are, none of it matters.
You just know.
Perhaps the most cliche point of all. When most hear someone say ‘when you know, you know,’ I think they take it as meaning you know this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I don’t think relationships can be that absolute. I’m not really sure if you just know that you want to make such a commitment to someone because there are a lot of moving pieces to that puzzle. This person needs to be compatible with you and your lifestyle in many different ways that you can only learn over time before making that decision.
But what you will know, is that you want to give it a shot. You will know she is different, somehow. Maybe you are not quite sure how and maybe you have a hard time explaining it to others – but you feel it. She opens your eyes to things you didn’t realize you were missing in previous relationships. She melts away all of your heartache because she illuminates your future and takes the light off of your past. She gives you new perspective, and sometimes she comes out of nowhere. Often times the best people are the ones who come into our life by accident, but stay on purpose.
It may be true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, but the right woman for you will make you realize that you also don’t know what you’ve been missing until it arrives.
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