About

Thanks for visiting my page! My name is James and I’m from right outside of Boston, MA. I’ve created this blog to reach a larger audience and express my ideas to the world.

JamesMSama_Portraits_SF_FinalEdits_42

My mission for this website is to spread the “New Chivalry Movement” – a set of ideas that prompts the development of self-worth in people of all ages. The recognition of the love and respect that is deserved in a relationship, as well as the strength to walk away if they are not present. I am striving to illustrate the image of what a healthy relationship looks like, as well as what each member of the “team” can do in order to create it.

I am a Secular Humanist, a believer in human equality and fairness. I fight for what’s right no matter how unpopular it may make me. I have no problem voicing my opinions for the greater good. I contribute to & start fundraisers when I can, and I share them all over social media when I can’t.

I love to spark thought and discussion. To make people think. To snap people out of their daily routines and wonder in awe at the world around them and remember that they are part of an entire human species, and we are all in this together. I think it’s important to question everything, and then question the answers you get. If someone tells you something is true, ask them why. If they can’t give you a good answer…do your own research and decide what YOU believe is true. This is how we grow, learn, and escape from dogma.

I have a passion for success and am striving towards it. I come from an amazing family and I’m very close with them, and much of my time is spent with them. Other passions of mine are acting (seen in feature films, commercials & TV) writing (obviously), traveling, learning, racing (cars), staying fit, and enjoying life. Feel free to connect!

– James

158 thoughts on “About

  1. Ok so your 10 ways to know a girl is a keeper…
    iy sort of suggests that people who lack confidence and are uncomfortable in certain situations should be dropped. There would be A LOT of single people in this world!! Sure it;s nice to find someone with all those aspects but it doesn’t mean those lacking them are not worthy of move and support to help them shift into a more secure way of being. Yeah let’s just pay attention to people who have it together and to hell with the others.

    • I’m sorry this blog has made you feel unvalued – I don’t think that was, or should be, the intention. I hope this doesn’t sound patronising, but maybe the alternative way to think about this, is that if you are not confident in who you are as an individual, you are not in the best position to start a serious relationship. You will simply hurt yourself and your partner by being together, as you will be seeking to receive affirmation, rather than give it, in the relationship. When you are happy to be single, knowing in your heart that you are truly loved and valued, then your true beauty will shine out, and people cannot help but be drawn to you. The truth is, that you are incredibly precious and worth more than you could ever know. Once you believe this, you will sparkle more than any star, and definitely become a friend and lover to never let go! I know this is easier said than done: I’m only briefly proposing an ideal to aspire to, although I am sure it can be true of you.

    • I agree with you! We can’t all always be confident in every situation, there are times when we feel insecure and awkward. And some of us are just plain shy people! (this applies to both men and women!) I agree, don’t rule out those who aren’t confident in every situation….respect them for their weaknesses and talk with them about it. Find mutual outings where you can both feel like your best self!

    • Being defensive about lack of introspection and acting on answers to our own questions does not help us get to the point of happiness. There is a way that relationships can work well, and it is very similar to how we find happiness in ourselves. That is a reality. What most people write about relationships is the general stuff. There are circumstances where things may be a little different, (outliers). For the most part, until we really figure out who we want to be, or who we are, we are really not ready to share who we are… because we don’t know.
      Lacking confidence or having low self-esteem is a derivative of not knowing who we are or what we want. I don’t think I know one person who likes lacking confidence or having low self-esteem. We all have heard the saying we can’t love others unless we love ourselves first. Having low self-esteem and lacking in confidence is not the same as being shy or being naive. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence show a lack of love for oneself, and if that exists, it makes it harder for most people to deal with. And you can’t really love like that, it will just be living off of some kind of expectation of how we think love ought to be. Most people will see the good in another person, even if that person cannot see it, but there are limits. We as individuals have to do some work, and we can’t really rely on others to “fix” us, or help us all the time. Our loved ones can support us, but should not take the brunt of our own challenges in life. Besides, they will never be able to tell us or give us what we want if we donโ€™t even know! Who wants to be told what they should want and who they should be. There are plenty of young people who have lashed out at their parents for telling them how to be and making them chose colleges or careerโ€™s they are not interested in. We are supposed to figure those things out ourselves. That will be the foundation of the rest of our lives, and whatever facet of life we deal with.
      Our inner challenges are the most difficult, and no one escapes those. In my experience, people who get involved in serious relationships without building character, and having success in busting through some inner challenges have a very difficult time. It has also been said that no one should go into a relationship if they go into it wanting a change in the other person. There are those RARE relationships where someone sees the beauty in someone else before that someone does, AND they are patient and flexible enough to move through the changes with them. So we either grow, and conquer… or find that special virtuous someone.
      The saddest thing is seeing a person with low self-esteem or lack of confidence in themselves involved with people who take advantage of them, (physical and emotional abusers). They are wonderful at first. They take you in, but keep your confidence at a minimum for their benefit and power. That is not love… not a relationship… that is sad and criminal. It is not fair for the poor soul who gets taken advantage of, but at the same time that poor soul should recognize that this is not right, and this is not what they want.
      On the other hand, if a stable person gets involved with the person who lacks the confidence in self… he/she may want to be the hero, and help the other become brave and strong. Sometimes this works, but most of the time it doesn’t. Why is that? Because changes have to come from within. We have to believe. We cannot just live off what others tell us. It will never work. That is simply how it is.
      If we want a great relationship, (if we are honest with ourselves) we know what we need to do. No one is perfect, and we donโ€™t have to arrive at perfection to have a great relationship. A solid loving relationship will grow and the individuals within that relationship will grow in the same direction while exercising virtues, and learning.
      There are temporary relationships in life that can help us along the way, but those are not meant to last. In those relationships -one of the people has not figured out what they want and who they areโ€ฆ their confidence has not been built. The biggest relationship ender is not cheating or lying or financesโ€ฆ think about it: Why do people cheat? They donโ€™t know what they want. Why do people lie? They are hiding part of who they are. If both parties havenโ€™t bothered trying to figure out this important thing they wind up being two people having sex and sharing pseudo or faux intimacies. They will be lucky if they last, unless one is very patient, AND the other one finds his/her answers AND they manage to land on the same page.
      The bottom line is: If we are lazy, procrastinate, rely on others to make our deep changes, or donโ€™t think we need to go through this process of taking care of ourselves in this great way, how can we think we deserve the best of someone else? Love is not selfish like thatโ€ฆ

      • I totally agree with this, to create a great relationship we do have to start with ourselves, knowing ourselves intimately and loving ourselves for all our faults, striving to improve what we know is wrong within ourselves but leaving ourselves open to other beginnings in any type of relationship

  2. I honestly just came into contact with our blog via a facebook post I saw on a friend’s page. I LOVE our blog!!! Thank you….you’ll never know how much the couple of posts I’ve read have touched a special place in my heart. I will definitely be spreading the word about your page. Good luck to you & Thanks again!!

  3. I’d love to see a post from your perspective on “how to let a guy down easy” or “how to tell him you’re just not interested”. I have gone on some great dates with great guys– but no spark. I always seem to have trouble communicating that to guys without some sort of negative response from them. In person vs. phone/text. Is the third date too late to tell them? etc. Would love to hear your thoughts.

    • Awesome topic idea!!! Please be a little patient with me as I’m kind of getting bombarded lately but I do want to write a new post soon, so this could be great to work off of.

      If you don’t see it up soon, give me a kick again and I’ll get on it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I’m also very interested in something like this. Not that I’m looking to go on any first dates again anytime soon, but I’ve gone on dates in the past where the guy is nice, and sweet, and all those great first date things, but no spark. I would love to have a guy’s input on how to let these wonderful people know it’s not them, there just isn’t anything there.

      • How would you feel about sharing some insights regarding men (boyfriends, etc) sharing their girlfriends age? I’m curious, as I’ve recently encountered this predicament…

      • Following up to see if you did, indeed, write about letting guys down. I’d love to read it! Thanks for all your wisdom ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Thanks for your blog. I follow you on FB and always like reading your articles,as well as enjoy your genuine positive outlook. Keep it up!

  5. In no way do I find blogs interesting, and when I come across them, I find something else to occupy my time. However, your blog is the only exception. I’ve read a majority of these blogs over the last couple of days, and I have shared them with friends who may need to read them (I.e. My boyfriend, and when your article “10 reasons why your woman is a keeper”). Keep up the excellent blogging! I look forward to checking your blog for your next post!!

  6. Hi James, a friend shared a link on my Facebook to one of your articles, what can I say? She did me a favor, I’m hooked to your writing. You have a nice perspective on things. Keep on writing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Hi James I jst started reading your blog I wanna know your oppnion on couples dating that hve past flings or ex on there FB? Is it ok?

  8. I really enjoy your blog. It is refreshing to hear a male speak out on some of the topics you have covered. I do believe there are plenty of great guys out there and as women, I think we should absolutely hold all men to this standard. Chivalry should not be dead! Is there an email to send specific thoughts, questions or ideas to? Thanks!

  9. Any advise on men that arent romantic like at all .. I’m in a relationship with a man that I love very dearly and have nothing but the utter most respect for but I feel as though we are lacking in that department!

  10. Newly subscribed to your blog. Would like to request an article or if you could share your thoughts on the topic of women changing their last name. I read in your articles that times have changed and women are more independent and sometimes have more financial responsibilities. Can you relay this into the name changing tradition

  11. Thanks for your message on chivalry!! I loved it ๐Ÿ™‚ My way of encouraging guys to be chivalrous is to ALWAYS say a pleasant “Thank you” and give a smile when they are polite. I don’t want to make them feel that their courtesy is taken for-granted or ignored.

  12. One girl mentioned that you are perfect! I was so very impressed to see a man stand up for and want to bring back just good old manners. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for attempting to do this. I believe things went haywire when women wanted to be like men in the workplace and at home (women’s lib). The world has turned upside down. Men were afraid to offend independent women by opening their door, pulling out their chair, etc. As a woman who has lived on the planet for a while now, it has been difficult to watch just plain kindness leave our country and the world. I am so thrilled you are trying to bring back gentlemanly characteristics once again. I only have one last comment. When I see you write over and over again that you are a secular humanist, do you think you have no Creator? You have so much on the ball, I personally was saddened to see you believe there is no God. Please rethink that position because the absolute most attractive men anywhere respect and serve Almighty God, without whom we would not be here to even discuss such matters.

    • And the “absolute most attractive women” (and men) respect other people’s right to have different religious beliefs without looking to guilt or manipulate them into believing in their (or any) God. James is impressive with or without your God and especially so because he respects your religious choices despite that respect not being mutual. That’s where his whole humanist stance comes into play. Fairness and Equality people.

  13. I think your ideas are great. But I also believe that when two people really love each other, they do these acts out of that love because they are from the heart. I have recently got married and we dearly love each other. We vol to let nothing come between us. But we also know with out our Lord’s help we would not have what we have nor be able to keep that vol in our strength. First of all without His love we would not have real love. We could go thru these act of kindness with out a heart of love. I have believed in Jesus Christ for a good many years now and have really been amazed at His love for me and others. He is so wonderful to share love with us. Our whole atmosphere is always love because we keep close to the love giver!

    • Hey there, “Dude,” I’m not sure who “Ou” is, but if they’re gay then that’s cool man!

      As you can see, I write about heterosexual relationships and I’m in one myself, so if this “Ou” person is interested in me then please tell them I appreciate it but I am into women.

      Thanks again!

      – JMS

  14. Loved some of your posts. Chivalry has become uncommon and its heartwarming to know that there are some men who still want to preserve and spread it. Your relationship tips are also nice.

  15. I’m writing this to you because after reading a lot of your blogs, I’m wondering if you could help me.

    It has been a little over a year since my last (and my first) real relationship with someone and I still have trouble with my self-confidence. I still think about her sometimes and when I try to forget about her and move on, it’s just hard to move past that. I have trouble meeting and talking to women since then and I find myself wondering if I’ll ever find that feeling of happiness again. I’ve tried a lot of different things: online dating, trying new activities, joining meetup groups, keeping myself busy with work and school work; I’ve even visited a counselor to discuss my emotional well being but I feel like nothing has worked.

    I don’t know what to do at this point. I haven’t given up but sometimes I feel like I’m in a hopeless situation that won’t improve. Anything kind of advice/words of wisdom you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

  16. Just a shout out, James. I am 1000% in lock step with your values, your views, and responses here in your blog. I appreciate the work and passion you’ve put into this body of work. I coach men (and recently some women) who will be required to visit your site for a good dose of well written reality. So glad to have found your work. I’m a fan!

    (looking forward to your reply to Victor above)

    Steve

  17. started reading your blog as I do many others; read some excerpts and move one only to forget about it days later. but officially reading your site with a fine tooth comb. excellent writing and in love with the content. look forward to reading more.

  18. Hi James,

    I am on a quest to find the best information sources of the internet, and by a happy coincidence I found your great blog.

    I’m doing the quest because I’m building is a site which brings automated and personalized information to its users, the machine learns from interactions to curate each time more meaningful and customized info for each user.

    For this to work, I need two things: (1) great info sources like your blog and (2) starving readers wanting to discover the info.

    The reason I’m contacting you is because I’d be honored to have your feedback and to know what frustrates you with this kind of sites, I imagine you use them to find interesting info to create your content.

    In case you wanna give it a try, just go to: noosfeer.com

    You’ll find there my contact info in case you need anything.

    Thanks James, I hope we’ll keep in touch.
    David
    noosfeer.com/team/david

  19. Hey James,

    I am currently a college student at Ball State University and I am writing a research paper
    on the question
    – Is feminism awareness in society affecting modern day chivalry?
    I would love to interview you for this topic if you are available. Just let me know!

    Much appreciated,
    Matt

  20. Pingback: Q&A With James Sama from The New Chivalry Movement | Girl Meets Media

  21. Hi James,

    As a woman entering mid-life, who has been married, divorced & recently had her heart smashed to bits by the “love of her life” (six year relationship), I wanted to thank you for your sound, balanced thoughts and insights. The break up was two years ago – after a few months of drinking and bawling, I decided to take a more proactive approach, and begin to gain some knowledge (aka power) and do some of my own “research” which really just involves digging deep into my own wounds & looking at the places that I needed love. It seems we are bombarded by the “self-love, just be in the moment, if you love yourself, love will find you” movement and it may be trite, but it’s damn true. But this is not the glamorous “instagrammed” pics of lotus poses, kale smoothies and self hugs on mountain tops (not that those things are bad ;)). Relationships with oneself, your kids, parents or a significant other, take old-fashioned work. Get ready for blood, sweat, tears and showing up for the small things – which is what prompted me to leave this comment. Yep, it’s the small expressions that feed our souls, get us through the day, renew our hope in humanity, help us to put one foot in front of the other when we think we cannot possibly go on. Keep on doing what you’re doing, my friend. Your voice is sanity and medicine.

    All the best,
    Karel

  22. hi id love to email you my story about the guy im currently in a relationship with so maybe I can have your take on it…

  23. I love your blog so much, i have learnt a lot from it and love that you are encouraging people to be more chivalrous, sometimes it feels like chivalry is a lost trait nowadays. keep blogging ๐Ÿ™‚

  24. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I wish I could be as rational as you sound on your blog. Well, I’m working on it. It feels great to be inspired, so thank you.

  25. Your intro got me hooked ! you’ve got great stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ keep doing it …. I’m looking forward to even more better stuff in future . My wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. James,

    I recently discovered your blog through a friend’s post on Facebook, I’m blown away by your wisdom and insight at such a young age. I’m 53 and wish I had read these words when I was in my twenties, Thank You for the uplifting stories…keep ’em coming.

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  28. Came across your blog via facebook and wow I LOVE it! Great thoughts and tips for both men & woman. Looking forward to reading more insightful views on relationships ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. Hi James,
    In January a book that I wrote was released on Dating. The title is Look Before You Leap, A Simple Dating Guide For A Healthy Relationship. Shortly after that I found your blog and thought it was so cool that you share many similar views on dating. If you have a moment maybe you can take a look at it. It’s a view that is counter-cultural but needs to told.
    Keep bring back the art of being a gentleman. Although the woman’s movement brought many goods things about for woman, it killed a lot of the courtesy’s we enjoyed.
    Regina Stafford

    • Thanks for your feedback Katie! Can you give me some specific examples of my bad grammar? That would help me learn and adjust in order to improve. I will be working with an editor on my upcoming book so that should be a good start as well.

      I am just a guy who started a blog, and in no way a professional writer – so perhaps that is part of the issue. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thanks again for visiting my terribly written site!

      – James

      • The second to last paragraph has a few fragments that I noticed. For example, “To make people think” is a fragment because it is incomplete. Putting a coma after the first sentence instead of a period fixes the problem.

      • I love how you write, you clearly write how you speak, which is authentic and easy to absorb. I think if you get too hung up on ‘grammar’ you will end up destroying your fluid impressive style of writing. So write as you do, and if you feel the need, get someone to copy proof it after?
        But I find if you become self conscious of your writing whilst writing, your brain freezes up and message is lost. Write as you speak, which is truly awe inspiring and heartwarming.
        Thank you James for your wonderful blog, that brings such comfort that good men with character and manners are out there! ๐Ÿ™‚
        Have a great day, Shell x

    • Wow, that’s rough. It’s pretty spot on aside from missing something here and there. Despite any grammar mishaps, thank you for the awesome content and ideas you bring to the table.

  30. Hi James,
    Have you had any professional training in psychology or attachment? Have you credentials to be giving the advice about relationships or anything? I had a friend who was spreading your blog around and I am a little concerned. Some of the advice you giving seems to have no real basis. I do research in attachment and relationships and I just get a little concerned when I see stuff like this. I find it a little irresponsible not to have up a disclaimer about your judgements quite frankly. Because that is what they are, your insight and judgment of the world without any formal background or proper education on the subject.

    I don’t mean to be harsh and I truly do wish you the best on your blog and future. But, a lot of people could be very damaged by your advice if you aren’t totally transparent about your background and where the information is coming from.

    Good luck.

    • Hi Sofia,

      This is my personal blog where I write my personal opinions. I have no formal training for anything and I write openly strictly based on my experiences which I cover in many articles. There are guest posts intermingled from people who are more educated on certain topics but most are written by me.

      With over 24 million readers and daily testimonials coming into the site from people who have been helped by my words, I am a little confused about where your concerns may be coming from.

      Can you give some examples of how you think my words could be harmful to anyone? I would be curious to hear your specific thoughts so I can improve my writing.

      Thanks for reaching out, but you have simply come across a guy from Boston who runs a free wordpress blog and openly claims no expertise in anything. Nothing more.

      Best,

      – James

      • Words can’t express how much happiness it brings me to read what I’m reading on this blog. I just discovered your blog yesterday and I am finding so much inspiration to remain faithful to my beliefs and attitude on life and relationships; and to remain patient in the search for that special girl.

        I feel like I just connected with a brother I’ve never known before. It’d be a privilege to sit down and have a beer with you at some point in my life.

        In response to Sofia’s comment from long ago, I’ve read so many books at this point on psychology, relationships, self-esteem, and marriage. My conclusion so far is that all of the problems that these people spend careers addressing are rooted in the fundamentals that you so eloquently describe in this blog.

    • Wow – that’s a pretty harsh comment! I appreciate you sharing YOUR thoughts, YOUR comments and YOUR experiences with us! I don’t think that relationships are “Rocket Science!” Nor do I believe that anyone needs training in psychology to enjoy a deep, meaningful and fun relationship. I think a lot of it is common sense and truly wanting to be there and wanting to improve. Please continue to share your ideas with us.

      Keep up the good work, James!

      Thanks!

    • Sofia, thank you. All blogs that dispense guidance or present themselves as ‘advice givers’ owe it to their readers to state/display their training/certification, licensure or degree background. If the blogger does not possess practical training (license is preferred as it most often includes mandetory real world clinical hours and a governing body to oversee unethical breach, provide for malpractice coverage)
      1. At a very minimum the responsible move would be for bloggers dispensing behavioral/mental health advice to openly/plainly display a disclaimer that “this is only the bloggers ‘opinion’ “as Sofia requests.
      When I see (well intended?) laypeople bloggers writing articles and dispensing advice I cringe. With years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist trained in brain and personality disorders, and the vast attachment theory knowledge/experience that Sofia speaks of- I have sincere ethical concerns – of the number of armchair advice givers-regardless of whether their heart is in the right place as, it seems Mr Sama’s is.

      Life is complicated, anxiety is the number one mental health challenge…and for the rest of the masses-(undoubtedly some of the 24 million readers Mr. Sama claims to serve) many of us did not come from perfect foundations. Foundations where “top ten cure all” articles will hardly address, touch, let alone fix one or more lifelong challenges that Mr Sama breezes over and resolves with his common sense solution
      2. A quick peek at the ‘tags’ Mr. Sama attach to his blog (tags driving your readership towards you) and a person may think your advice or opinion might be professional guidance.
      3. Rather than responding in a strength based ‘classy’ modality, I would respect you more Mr. Sama if you spent time researching the ethical responsibility an individual has to his/her readership/ clients/fans/followers/patients when dispensing human behavior and mental health advise. Then perhaps stepping back to look at your blog to see how that responsibility fits into your business plan-the charge that those of us who are trained and competent, who are mandated to follow our Code Of Ethics and an umbrella responsibility to first, “do no harm”.

      Thank you for caring, for listning and for being open.

      • John, (as above), I liked your thorough reply, addressing concerns that Sofia raised, (but did not follow through on?)…As trained psychotherapists, you & I of course are aware of some of these dimensions of complexity…
        {I too just started reading this Blog out of interest, and went looking for J.M.S’s quals..(!!) } Getting the lay of the land straight up-so to speak..

        I can sense that folks can respond a bit defensively (regards poor choice of expression/words/languaging of self) despite the ultimate message is care (Sofia)—-but within a subtle and not so subtle climate of shaming and disowned reactiveness…(Media anonymity ppfftt!!)

        I agree, it may well be a kool thing for James to write a bit of a disclaimer, for there are indeed all kinds of vulnerable folks out there, (Marcius1213..?) and then that would take care of the ethics aspect huh!! โ˜บ

        Personally, I am enjoying what he is doing and expressing.
        Some solid experiential basics for a young Guy to start in with…
        (I havent read anything yet where it would be wise to suggest Therapy for some deeper work…)

        Cheers… Sutara

    • Hi Sophia, did you know homosexuality was once considered a mental illness? I’m sure that was published in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders based on research. Keep an open mind and remember, it was once widely believed that the world was in FACT… flat.

  31. James, could you do a write up on the undealt-with issue of date-rape drugs today? It’s not just men who think they have to drug women to have sex, but women also who do this to men, believe it or not.

  32. Hi James,
    Do you write for other people too? I mean I have very small dating site and have very very small blog page.
    I would like to re-write 3-4 of the articles which are around 500 words each. Would you be interested with this?

    Thanks

  33. You write from personal experience without thinking about the other’s from around the world.
    A ” PURE ” TRUE ” ” WRITER” does his or her homework before doing anything. This way they will have all of the facts. By not knowing what other’s have went through your missing the ” WHOLE ” PICTURE”.

      • hello I’m heartbroken and I love jesus and I believed I was married in the lord then in our relationship i felt this spirit on him secretive to get a lie detector test, the test tried him 3 times and still no! my body is the temple of the holy spirit, this is why my body is aching because I took this seriously in the lord jesus Christ. because of his body language and he still says no. and my heart hurts like I miss him so and he continues to come back and I cannot trust him now and my heart hurts I kicked him out because of this and he came back now hes gone communicates I love you, my heart hurts , I know you go thru without sex too and then the sexual feeling comes back and I have visions when we were together I tell jesus and tell jesus and tell jesus if I be without him or with him I still have you but I am still heartbroken and then I get depressed will I get over it, I feel selfish because I told him I felt this in our relationship but he always said no,i tell jesus I want to do whatever you say to me the closer everyday I get closer to jesus the closer I get to him and asking him to show me how much he loves me. no man is more important to me than jesus. but when we were married in the lord I trusted jesus and still will; love him just like any person we must forgive and love everyone, i then he would tell me no trust no marriage, even i thought when you marry its just you and me? that makes me feel terrible when he said he didn’t and he did, just like a jerry springer show, when I watched it once this he how he acted? I felt disrespected. thankyou for listening to me while I right in the middle of this , and what a blessing you are I do believe you have been called by god, just like the word of prophecy that I have but I could have dealt with this differently but I was without knowledge, I should not hurt anyone I asking god for more love in my heart for Him
        and a meek and quiet spirit . jesus is alive. john 3;3

  34. Now your threatening me ” WOW “.
    A ” REAL ” TRUE ” WRITER ” ” INVESTIGATES ” and gets all of the ” FACTS ” before he ” WRITES “.
    This should help you in the future with your work on trying to help people.
    If I can be of service to you feel free to contact me at
    marciuschester@gmail.com
    2 Brain’s are alot better than I.

  35. If you want to make your blog better get out and ask women’s point of view about relationships with men.
    Because alot of men don’t ask what a woman wants from a relationship. Getting to know women better will help you and other men get to know women’s likes and dislikes in their relationship’s. I for one have studied women from all over the world. And know what they want just by looking into they’re eye’s. They give themselves away even when their trying to hide it.
    Having this knowledge has put me ahead of other men including you. That’s why I disagree on some of your blogs. I’m not a threat just someone thats knows what’s going on inside of their heads.

    • Now that is actually constructive criticism, thank you for taking the time to clarify what you have been trying to say.

      I have endless input from women who comment and send me multiple emails every single day, but you are right in that I don’t actually ask direct questions often enough to get feedback, I will consider this as a valid resource.

      Though, saying you are ahead of me is a bit of a stretch, I do have over 26 million readers on my website after all – most of whom are women. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • You, my dear, truly are a gentleman. I’ve just read dozens of your replies to rude comments on your blog and you are always respectful and direct. I’d like to send every ex-boyfriend of mine to your site. But I think I’ll just spend my time with the lovely gentleman who is currently pursuing (and winning!) me. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Erin

    • Let me just say what everyone is thinking and not saying… Marcius, you’re a dousche. Where do you find the testicular fortitude to claim to have the pulse of women across the world? You arepompous and have no busines criticizing when you cannot even make the distinction between they’re and their. Here is a sentence fragment for you… suck my ass!

    • So marcius other than looking into their eyes and knowing what women want, which is quit the super power by the way, do you have credentials that puts you ahead of James.
      Or is that just your opinion

    • I’m a woman. I can also state with certainty that you absolutely do not know what is going on inside every single woman’s head (all 3.5 billion+ of them!) The fact that you think you can generalize women’s thoughts belies your own ignorance on this topic.

      It is also scientifically impossible to understand what someone wants just by looking into “they’re eye’s” (major sic). That’s not what eyes are for or what they do.

  36. Okay James I do all of things I mentioned to you with my wife because she never experienced them before until I met, courted, dated, married her.
    I will continue to keep reading what you have to say.

  37. Hi James,

    I’ve read a couple of your blog articles here and there and for the most part appreciate and agree with them. I’m just wondering though, are you currently in a fulfilling long-term relationship? I was just talking about this topic with a friend of mine – not about you, but about those who give advice and professional services but don’t have the evidence of success in their own lives (regarding the topic that they are “experts” in). The specific example that my friend discussed with me was with regards to parenting. My example was that I recently met a woman who was criticizing my skin care regiment but her skin was not something I envied in anyway.

  38. Pingback: On Relationships (Revision 9) - unlastwordsunlastwords

  39. James, I have a blog site as well, MILFMember.com, where I have a back link to your blog. I love the respect you give to men and women simultaneously. I really enjoy your “just a blog” message. I find that the symptom that we are all crazy is alleviated when reading opinion like yours; it creates a sense of community, a feeling that will help each of us thrive.
    Thank you for giving me positive share material for facebook!
    Kate Bologna (new blogger)

  40. James, keep on spreading love. Typos and grammatical issues aside, your perspective is positive and well intentioned. What makes some happy will always make others angry. Live and let live. No credentials needed, just my opinion (this is a fragmented sentence).

    -Nnamdi

  41. I just ran across this site and I am responding, hopefully in a constructive and thoughtful way for all concerned. There is a popular radio talk-show host out of Los Angeles–Dr. Laura. After forty years on the radio, she has almost half as many listeners as James has acquired readers in a year and a half. While everyone has a right to their opinion and often unfortunately a right to express it, the publishing world used to vet the difference between valid writings and the rantings of hack wannabes.

    While Dr. Laura does have a Ph.D. it’s not in psychology. She has published many books and articles, yet most of those lack references (appropriate to someone with a Ph.D.) to back up her opinions, even though her often faulty opinions are repeatedly presented as fact.

    A friend of mine who was a brilliant, second-generation teaching professor of psychology (specifically as pertains to relationships) at UCLA considers Dr. Laura and her advice woefully lacking in depth and understanding.

    While someone may have a “passion for success”, and I admire that, it doesn’t take the place of good old-fashioned preparation in the form of formal training. When I read a blog, or anything else nonfictional, as a critical thinker I quickly ask, 1) Who is this writer?; 2)What are their credentials?; 3) Why should I believe what they are saying? If they continue with “it’s just my opinion” I can’t help but entertain the concern that maybe I need to “walk away” from someone that is probably just wanting to be an unqualified instant celebrity.

    If you want to write a novel, write a novel. If you want to give advice (and possibly bad advice), be a real gentleman don’t do it under the guise of “opinion”.

  42. Wow, way to get a bit of a discussion going James. I’ve just come across this fabulous blog and really enjoyed reading a couple of your articles. After reading the first (that was shared with me via Facebook) the next thing I did was go to your About page which very clearly told me exactly where you are coming from. From there I started reading some of the comments posted and wow!!
    You poor man, some people just don’t get it huh?
    You clearly communicated that you have no professional training. I never felt that you were trying to unduly influence me or that you’ve written under false pretences. Your relaxed style was clearly conversational and suggestive rather than researched and prescriptive. I like a bit of academic research as much as the next person but come on people! A blog is a blog, not a research paper, a non-fiction novel or anything else of that nature. James is very clear about his desire to reach out and start conversation around some of the topics that are of importance to him. He is a grown man and therefore has some life experiences to draw upon (I find it interesting that sometimes academics seem to forget that life experience and thought can be just as interesting as academic research). Yes it is important that he not act as a charlatan (have always wanted to use that word) but the sharing of opinion, encouragement of contemplation and the sparking of discussion is a positive thing. Bravo James for being brave enough to put yourself out there.
    P.S. I was so engaged in thinking about the content of your blog when reading it that I didn’t notice the grammatical errors – obviously they had a huge impact!

  43. Totally agree with you Justine Morton, very well put!
    If everyone worried to this level, writing as an expressive art form would cease to exist.
    Plus, what happened to Freedom of Speech?!
    One can disagree with someone’s opinion without character assassination, and it says more about the other persons life lessons to be learnt, if attack is their chosen method of communication.

  44. Regarding this article: http://www.yourtango.com/2015270354/5-old-school-reasons-men-should-start-courting-women-again

    I’ve tried ‘courting’ women, and it invariably gets me banished to the “friend zone”.

    Since life experience has shown me that the only way to get and keep a woman in my life is to be more than a prick and a bastard than I want to be, I can (reluctantly) do that in order to avoid “the friend zone” and being alone.

  45. Pingback: What It Takes To Be A Gentleman | Manny Kagan

  46. Pingback: 15 Signs You're with a Good Man

  47. Your mission is to bring back healthy relationships and show what look like. Please do tell, when in history do you think relationships were any more healthy than now? When men owned women? When men raped their wives and daughters? Maybe when women stayed home pregnant and barefoot? Or do we need to go back to the clubbing and dragging to the cave model?

    • Hi there, anonymous commenter!

      I’m not quite sure where any of those things have come up in any of my writings, but in my experience many relationships in past generations lasted longer than we see today. I have used my parents and grandparents as examples many times, having been together 35+ years and 60+ years respectively.

      It seems to me that these days relationships are more fragile and fleeting. People jump into things quickly and then end up splitting quickly as well. I have observed that there really isn’t as much of a “getting to know someone” phase before actually committing to – or even getting engaged to them.

      This is essentially what I mean by the idea of healthy relationships. I think many values that help us build a solid foundation with another person are being lost. Whether that is societal or due to upbringing, I am not qualified to say, but the results are seemingly speaking for themselves.

      I’m afraid that you are going to a bit of an extreme in your criticism, which I suppose is to be expected from an anonymous internet troll who is doing his or her best to insult someone who is trying to help others – but it is just not relevant to this conversation.

      Anyway, I hope this helps clarify my position, thanks so much for visiting my website and helping my blog rankings!

      All the best,

      – James

  48. Troll? Ha ha, so you show yourself as the real hater huh? What does staying anonymous have to do with my commment? I’m not an egomanic that needs to have the world know my name

    If you did a little research, you would learn that all your assumed observations are in error. Just because divorce was stigmatized doesn’t mean relationships were healthy. People take more time in “courtship” now than they did in the 40s and 50s. You are “advising” women to jump out of relationships that don’t fit your perfect little picture, based on one trait.

    Psychologists have recommended that people don’t get engaged until after two years of dating–they’ve been saying this for the past sixty years! But I feel so much better now that some charismatic hack is going to sally forth, surely people are going to listen to YOU instead!

    • You make some good, valid points. Though I am curious about the length of time devoted to ‘courtship’ now compared to a generation or two ago. If there is information that backs up the fact that there is more time taken with it now I would actually love to read that, as it would give me some good topics to write about and share with my readers. Do you have a link? I would really appreciate you sharing it.

      Also, I don’t encourage anyone to leave relationships unless there is abuse, serious ongoing conflict, or if it just won’t work out. In fact most of my articles encourage fixing things that are broken, not abandoning them.

      Also I can totally get on board with psychologists recommending engagement after two years, however unfortunately that doesn’t mean people follow that advice. Do you agree?

      I appreciate you taking the time to give me some more information on these topics. After all, I am just a guy with a blog who writes about his opinions, nothing more.

      Also looking forward to links re: courtship. It seems you are well versed and I welcome the opportunity to learn. I mean this genuinely.

      Thanks again,

      – James

      • I’ve only read one of your articles and I’m hooked already but I disagree with sticking with relationship unless they are horrific and abusive. I have been in a relationship for 25 years & we decided to end it “just because”, yep no trauma, no nothing other than growing apart.

        People (you included James) there’s no failure in relationships ending. There’s no need to have severe reasons to leave. Nobody is really ever at fault for wanting someone else or no-one at all.

        If we would all just embrace that sometimes we change and sometimes relationships are just simply past their due date, so much love and joy would surface.

        I believe where most people get upset is when responsibilities are neglected. If people have children, animals, financial responsibilities, these things need to be maintained but moving on is everyone’s birth right.

        This is your life and you came here to be happy. What if my perception where accurate, wouldn’t you feel more free? You will break free of being the victim and you will find your power.

  49. You are not going to find the valid information on courtship lengths in history with links or Google searches. If you want to study the topic, you’ll have to spend a few afternoons in the psychology secion of a good university library. On obvious clue though with other considerations, at what age did you Grandmother and mother marry? How many female friends over thirty are still not married?

  50. James,

    Your blog has inspired me to begin working on a blog of my own. I am a college student, and know first-hand how difficult it can be to live up to the high standards of gentlemanly behavior with consistency and passion given the pressures and temptations of modern society.

    Many of the people on your page complain about your grammar, or your intellectual prowess, or your qualifications. Maybe you’re not a genius, maybe you have no PhD. in psychology, maybe you are not a marriage counselor. But your advice is well-meant, and in my respectful opinion the fact that you ARE just a normal guy makes it even more special.

    My life is evidence that there are sometimes rewards for the lifestyle you profess… I have a loving, intelligent, and classy girlfriend, and would like to think the people in my life have the same respect for me which I strive to show them.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the world through this blog. Stay humble, and don’t let the unhappy and disagreeable people of the world discourage you. There are surely some intelligent, and some reflective moments, in all lives. However, occasionally people will comment in angry, cynical moments. I will continue to appreciate your gentle advice, even as I begin to share my own.

    I tip my hat to you, sir.

    Ken

  51. Hi James…

    have to say, not only are your blogs interesting, thought-provoking and worth sharing, but your trolls are quite the attention-seekers, aren’t they? Being an educator and author, It continues to amaze me how many people feel the need to verbally bash the thoughts and opinions of others based on how their views differ. THESE are the people who would most likely benefit from relationship advice…starting with the relationships they have with themselves.

    Keep on writing! When you’re “trolled” by haters, (whether they hold imaginary PhD.’s in Grammatical History, teach online college courses in Attachment 101, or are nymphs with lots of quality, personal, well-versed experience in relationships & courting) that means you’ve accomplished something.

    Thomas

  52. I love your page James. I think there should be a school of chivalry for men in the new era. We need more real men in this world. I will do my part by rising my boys this way.

  53. I just found this complaint on another blog. It would seem to apply here:

    Just goes to show that quoting or taking “other” people’s opinions may be spreading false ideas. I hate it when people quote real estate agents’ websites as fact when they are designed as sales pitches. Same goes for all the “experts” and legal beagles who claim to know everything but end up costing you more money and take no responsibility nor guarantees.

  54. Wow, bravo to the hordes of angry women out there for their public display of misandry, as well as their ignorance of it. Here we have a young handsome man spending his personal time and making a valiant effort to educate and enlighten his fellow gender of their true brilliance in our society and what do you do? Cut him down for his grammar? Really? You are the reason most men are the way they are, you are the reason women, like you I am sure, complain about men.
    Wake up!
    The change for more respect from the opposite sex has to start with us. You are not seeing the forest for the trees.
    As for you, Michael, BRAVO! As a woman who has spent her entire adult life retraining her mind to NOT be a victim, NOT hate men, NOT blame men for every poor dysfunctional habit or behavior….THANK YOU for speaking out to men. It is great to read your positive role and encouraging words helping to bridge the gap between gender that is so huge in our society.
    As you can probably tell, this is a subject that is very dear to me.
    Keep up the good work, regardless of what the angry beotches spew your way!! There are plenty of aware women and mothers of boys out here who truly love the hearts of men.
    Sincerely–
    SV

  55. I have been enjoying your blog and agree with most of what you say and I am a woman so there you go. When I get into a serious relationship, I will recommend he follow your blog. I have sent a post to a guy I went on a terrible date with but he was not amused.

    Thanks and keep up the good blogging!

  56. I find your insight refreshing. The only way to live better is to understand each other. People will disagree, no matter what you say. I say right on! I wish you the best.

  57. James,

    I wanted to throw a quick comment in here after having read some of the others – regarding grammar, credentials, advice, and other things. I’d recently come across your blog while looking for some relationship advice on some issues I’d been having. If you just take a site like yours for what it is – the sharing of thoughts, opinions, and experiences – I don’t understand people’s hangups. The content in your articles I have found to be very informative and well-guided. Maybe it’s just the fact that I like the way you think and the word you’re trying to spread to other men (Chivalry Movement, The Good Men Project). The articles and topics I find to be very interesting and address a lot of concerns that guys out there wonder about.

    Keep doing what you’re doing – professional or not – it’s great to hear about the ideas and experiences of other guys. Spreading the word and trying to help us be the best versions of ourselves .. helping out each other to live better lives is what it’s all about.

    Carl

  58. I’m not sure why you feel a need to include photos of barely dressed women drinking, bars, and men smoking in order to move past a relationship. Such stereotyping. Disappointing.

  59. Hello, James. I really like your style of writing. You have a great way of explaining concepts in words that females can understand, and won’t take offense to. Even many older-adult females I know need these things spelled out for them; you do so courteously and informatively. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  60. James,

    I just want to take a moment to thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice. Your articles are a continuous source of inspiration and offer perspective. You write with honesty, respect, sincerity, and reflection – it’s refreshing, really. I’m so glad to see the bitterness and anger left in the comments haven’t deterred your commitment to speaking openly about what people deserve, what we need to work on or focus on in relationships, and the value of self. Please keep up your amazing work. The world needs your voice. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you so much.

    Jess

  61. James, you are such an inspiration to the young Filipino couples, especially to me and my boyfriend.
    thank you so much for sharing your thoughts online and sharing your views about how should a real treat a lady.

    • Wow! I just wasted about 1/2 hour reading all the comments specifically those that have so much hate in their words. Come on people! Can you please keep a positive attitude? Some much negativity!!! Anyone who needs real help in their lives should NOT be searching on blogs for answers! And those that are criticizing his style of writing should worry about their shortcomings!! If you don’t like the article then move on!!! Others may love it!!

      James, don’t change a thing! You write from the heart and that’s what makes it interesting. I pass your articles along to alot of my friends and not once have I received a bad comment. Glad to know I’ve chosen friends that see your blogs for what they are. Positive friends!!

      And those hateful people that did nothing but criticize his articles? Please don’t respond back to me unless you have something nice to say.

      • Hi James,
        Man, I love your writing and I love your opinions. The assertive yet respectful way you respond to those who do not deserve it is a positive testament of the opinions you profess. A few years ago I began to help divorced men awaken the social skills that became dormant while they were married. I did so from my own experience of divorced life after 29 years of marriage. I meet many women who tell me about some appalling behaviour by ex-husbands on a first date. I don’t believe these men are bad or nasty. They just don’t know, or what they do know is misguided information they picked up from male conversations with their buddies.
        Everything on your blog-site that I’ve read so far supports what I’m trying to do and I am grateful that you are out there championing good men and educating those who could be better.

  62. James, all is good, keep it up legend, spread the love, and I am sure you will get more back !
    BTW out of interest can you let us know your approximate M:F ratio of readership??
    Best Regards

  63. I’m really thankful to have found this blog! You provide a refreshing perspective and I’m encouraged by your thoughtfulness re: intentional relationships. Thank you!

  64. Dearest James.

    I am a single mom to two wonderful boys. I want to do whatever it takes to raise real men. My boys do not have many examples around them. I am single for that same reason. Could you please share your thoughts with me? If you were to suggest three things a mom can do to help little boys grow into real men, what would they be? I am grateful for your insight. If you have written about this already, could you please direct me to your article? I would love to read it.

    And could you please stop engaging with this character Marcius1213… He gets a reaction out of you every time. I know you didn’t ask me for my advice, but what it is worth to you I will offer it! It would serve you and everyone else best to just leave Marcius to his own empty rambling… You have addressed his comments more than necessary, and it is not worth your energy or time. Spend your time and energy on people who want to share your light with you and “get” what you are saying. Do you really feel the need to prove yourself to Marcius or to justify yourself to him? ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t think you do. I like your posts and am grateful for reading them. I hope my question gets a fraction of the attention you are giving to Marcius! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Many thanks!

  65. Hi James,

    Hello from a native New Englander and a strong 51 year old. I’ve been following your work and first of all, I thank you for it. It’s so needed for so many.

    Have you thought about starting a dating site or service? I’ve been on all the dating sites for the last couple of years on and off and as anyone who has spent time on a dating site knows…it can get discouraging at times.

    Just wondering…thanks!

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