Julien Blanc: The End Of Pickup Artists
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[social_warfare]
I was a late bloomer when it comes to women. While I could always successfully become friends with them, I could never seem to actually get dates. I always wanted to observe and learn from the men who were successful. What attracted women to them? How did they act, look, or present themselves differently than I did?
I came across a book online called The Game. Considering how long ago this was, many of you have probably heard about it by now. If not, and this may surprise you – I still recommend reading it. Some friends and I all bought copies and reading the book sparked a transformation in many of us. Less than a ‘how to,’ and more of a ‘this is how we lived our life,’ the book outlines the lives of the first nerdy Pickup Artists in Los Angeles who had developed a system to become attractive to essentially any woman they wanted.
While it sounds a bit grandiose and idealistic, it was the perfect tag line to draw in teens and early 20-somethings. While I have never, and would never identify myself as a pickup artist, I found the book valuable in the lessons it provided regarding psychology, relationships, and human interactions. It gives insight into the way men and women approach each other, view each other, and are attracted to each other. While it is too calculated and provides too much of a band-aid solution to a very real issue, the entertainment value is well worth it.
But, I am certainly not writing this to promote a book. The reason why I am writing this is because of a man named Julien Blanc. If his name sounds familiar, it is because TIME Magazine has recently called him ‘The Most Hated Man In The World.’ Julien, is a pickup artist.
What I quickly observed while learning about the pickup artist [PUA] community, and one of the many things that drove me from them, was that many of them do not learn about women because they love them, but because they most decidedly don’t. Many of them are seeking revenge on women for rejecting them all of their lives. Many of them want to objectify women because they were never taught to love. Many of them are looking to ‘game’ the system because they have felt powerless and want to gain control – effectively missing the entire point, and not realizing that relationships are not about control.
Julien exemplifies these ideas by tweeting things [on his now private account] like “The hottest women are often the most insecure, so don’t forget to tread them like trash.” “It’s a lot easier to treat her like shit if you objectify her first. #JustSoYouKnow” and “Don’t worry, I only abuse women.”
The backlash against Julien has been extreme – as Australia has revoked his work visa, forcing him to leave the country. Subsequently, there are petitions to keep him from entering the UK, Canada, and other countries as well.
Julien claims that many of his ‘clients’ have found happy, healthy relationships by using the techniques that he charges thousands of dollars to teach to men. He says he has been invited to their weddings and they are ‘eternally grateful’ for what he has taught them. While I have seen pickup artists be successful with women in the short term – people like Julien never quite seem to understand how much more there is to a relationship than the first night.
It is reassuring that there is such a backlash against Julien, because he is not alone. While he is the current face of the problem, he is just a symptom of it. He is a symptom of objectification of women. He is a symptom of entitlement to a woman’s body. He is a symptom of how men can become bitter and vengeful from rejection and turn to negative solutions.
This battle is not one of the world vs. Julien Blanc. Just as we saw in Elliot Rodger‘s violent rampage a few months ago – this issue is more widespread than a single PUA.
What is the solution? Is there one? I believe we need to teach our sons and daughters the value of each other. Love and respect. Manners. Etiquette. Codes of conduct. When these things are at the core of your being – the ideas put forth by Julien and his cohorts immediately become sickening. Tweets such as “Dear girls, could you please save me the effort and roofie your own drink? #JustKidding” become infuriating. These men become your rivals, not your teachers or idols.
We can ostracize Julien. We can ban him from virtually every country. We can vilify him and create Facebook pages against him. But we cannot forget what he really is: The mainstream face of a much bigger problem.
Men and women need to band together and create a wall of disapproval for people like this. We must stop rewarding these behaviors by allowing it ‘to work’ and we need to stand up when we do see it happening.
There is a big difference between working to help someone gain the confidence and positive self-image they need to become better with women, and teaching them to objectify her and pull her down to his level in order to have a chance. When the tide rises, all ships rise with it.
The New Chivalry Movement stands strongly against everything that every Julien Blanc stands for – and I thank you all for being part of it.
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James, I did not know who this person was, so at first I was speechless. Then, recovered:-)) Young males flocking to follow someone who teaches them how to abuse others, and young females flocking to accept that behavior–smacks of sadomasochism– very, very unhealthy mental and physical behavior. What’s happened in our culture that our youth flocks to this? For those who think it’s cool, maybe applying it to child rearing techniques will get their attention –most people today can recognize child abuse and why it is damaging. Perhaps those who seek techniques to abuse others, or those who seek to receive abuse, didn’t learn healthy patterns of behaviors in their families? Somehow this all seems inter-related. Maybe this is a wake-up call for parents to put down their i-pads and start teaching healthy interaction in the home, from a very early age. Youths and young adults with healthy self-esteems don’t seek these destructive patterns of behavior.
I always feel conflicted in discussions of the pick up artist community because my experience with it seems to be so vastly different from what men like Julien present. My life was changed forever in high school when I discovered the book “Double Your Dating” by PUA David DeAngelo. It was the first time I had ever been exposed to the science behind sexual attraction and romance and understanding that attraction is not a conscious choice people make was a mind blowing revelation for me. My experience with the PUA community beginning with David’s books was never about demeaning or objectifying women. The PUA community as I experienced it as about accepting this reality that “attraction is not a choice”, understanding what qualities women generally find attractive while acknowledging they are still individuals, and learning how to express those attractive qualities through my individual personality and building confidence through self-improvement (so called “inner game”). It was also about learning how to read the signs of interest (or disinterest) that women give off and how to become physically intimate in a comfortable way, though that’s less relevant to this article.
I must say I’m glad it was David DeAngelo’s book that I was first exposed to and not the misogynistic messages of men like Julien, otherwise I’d be very different man that what I am today!!
This is a very interesting and thought-provoking response. Also are the signs that women give signaling interest or disinterest done subconsciously?
Of course Miss Menopause, a lot of them: playing with her hair, blushing, just to name a few
Mark,
I too started my journey of understanding women with David DeAngelo’s (DD’s) Double your dating book. I would not classify him as a PUA because he clearly states that using what he teaches to hurt women; physically, mentally, or emotionally; he wishes the worst kind of punishment on you. Unlike how some PUA’s teach going after a women’s insecurities get to laid. I am not going to lie, the PUA way does work, but for me it is unfulfilling, and just plain mean. And most WOMEN can see right through that garbage, while GIRLS like it. There is a difference between women and girls in what I am saying. Women are complete mentally, and emotionally and girls are not. I am not referring to an age thing just to be clear.
I have purchased quite a bit of DD’s stuff and it has helped me tremendously in becoming the man I am today. Not just how I interact with women but with everyone that I come into contact with. Which has lead me to this blog and many others that are similar. I agree with everything else you have said though, if I had found the book The Game or a PUA’s material first, I would be a lot different than I am now. And I love who I have become, and where I am headed.
Agree with James. I am in concern with ones who idealize that kind of approach towards women beings.
Julien is a hated PUA by most PUA’s But he is pushing the edge of social cues to better help his client’s… Someone has to be the test dummy for extremely hot women (like playboy hot)… Anyways He gives most PUA a bad bad bad name and honestly I don’t blame other PUA’s for hating on him but…. No women has come forward and said Julien has assaulted me and he has slept with over 150 women in his lifetime… Most PUA love women, but can’t seem to keep a long lasting relationship, however, that’s most men in general and not just PUA’S.
I personally hate Julien’s child like style of “game” but it works for what he want’s !!! At the end of the day he isn’t looking for something serious but YOU can’t butch a sub culture like pick up into one guy… that’s like saying all American’s are fat and lazy, or all Jock’s are dumb, ect… most PUA’s like myself just want to meet the women he is ment to be with and not settle for a girl that want’s him to gain something out of it !
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Yet, if a woman generated a following among the same lines of “treat guys like trash and they’ll come running”, she’d be universally loved. No matter what a guy does, he’s already got two strikes against him in this feminazi, misandric, man-hating, new world order. You’re just tilting at windmills, James.
Sarcastic, resigned sigh…