This Is What Happens When Women Reject Men Online
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So, here’s the deal. I quite often get rebuttals from people on my articles asking why I ‘criticize’ men so much more than women. One of the reasons is that I frequently hear many more complaints from women about men, than I do the other way around – so there is much to talk about.
A second reason is being a man myself, I actually have a vested interest in how other men act and are perceived – because we do represent each other in many ways. (For example, the phrase ‘all men are jerks’ or similar wouldn’t even exist if, well, most men weren’t actually jerks).
A third reason is, honestly, the often overlooked need for this criticism. Women are not innocent either, nobody is – but I don’t see many Instagram accounts being set up to showcase how insulting and immature women are when men reject them.
“Bye Felipe” is an Instagram account set up by a woman who uses it to collect and showcase screenshots from various other women of what happens when they turn down men online (or just don’t respond to them at all). It should be noted that these are not just isolated cases. These are multiple instances from multiple different men to multiple different women.
This. Is. A. Problem. A big problem that needs to be addressed, not just by women – but by other men. If this is the type of nonsense that is passing as acceptable in the world, it is no wonder why good men have such a hard time getting women to take them seriously. Even if you are perfectly nice and genuine, what’s to stop them from thinking you might fly off the handle if they don’t happen to feel a connection or want to continue dating you?
This is an entitlement problem. It’s an immaturity problem. It is a cultural problem. And, dare I say, the fact that other men are silent about this and the only people criticizing this type of unacceptable behavior are women – is the biggest problem.
It is the biggest problem because men are not holding each other accountable for this type of tomfoolery. In fact, it’s borderline infuriating, and I want to use words a lot stronger than tomfoolery. But hey, I like to think I’m a gentleman.
So rather than sounding all preachy as I type this out to those of you reading this, I am including some screenshots from the Bye Felipe Instagram account below, so you can see for yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman – if you look at these real life conversations without cringing, you may need to have your moral compass calibrated. Fair warning, some of the language is ugly.
I mean, just…what? The first thing I will never understand is how any human being can talk to any other human being this way. I couldn’t ever possibly imagine myself saying these things to people I have never met especially without a damn good reason for doing so. Furthermore, I can’t imagine these guys have any sort of self-awareness whatsoever. If they did, they would understand how much worse these responses make them sound.
I don’t know what they are trying to accomplish, maybe salvaging some sort of satisfaction that was apparently entirely destroyed by women they had either never met, or had maybe been on one date with? Who knows, but one thing is for sure: I wish whoever is behind the Bye Felipe account would leave the usernames of these fools on the screenshots so the internet could unleash the proper fury upon them.
Time to grow up, guys.
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Wow. Way too familiar. ….I should have taken screen shots.
And guys wonder why girls ignore them on the street –even when the guy is “just giving her a compliment”?? THIS, people. This.
YESSSS!!! I feel bad for nice people with good intentions. I really do. But when you have to deal with THIS all damn day it is second nature to just avoid and ignore preemptively so you don’t get bashed. Only so many shots a person can take before they decide its not worth the hassle. Sorry nice guys but the rest of em are making you look bad.
The best part? These are the guys the majority of women go for after they reject the guys that don’t do it.
Wow, I’ve never been in this situation, but it’s rather shameful. Unfortunately we live in a society where if we don’t get our way, we tend to unleash inappropriate behavior. There is a lack of common decency in people. Yes, I have turned down guys in person, but usually all I get is them ignoring me afterwards. I can’t imagine how these girls must feel when they get these types of messages. While I’m not a woman’s lib, this is one reason women avoid a lot of men. But at the same time, these men (pardon, I should clarify, boys) must act inappropriate in life. Everything about them wouldn’t lead you to think they were a high class guy.
Oh, and I agree wholeheartedly with Sae Sae above.
That’s really sad and a bit scary. Some of these guys made me smile with their opening lines – a bit quirky, but definitely would get my attention and make me want to get to know them better. But then when they don’t get a response right away …. yikes. Glad THAT bullet was dodged.
Amazing the tantrums some people throw when they don’t get what they want.
This is just deplorable behavior by immature, snot-nosed, little boys masquerading as “men”. It truly is no wonder that so many woman have become so distrusting and have so much disdain for all things men. I sympathize with them and for what it is worth want to assure them that there are still some of us good MEN left in society.
Prove it to them and tell your buddies off when they act like pricks–society needs to stop justifying this behavior.
And this is why I will not sign up for online dating…
I will concede that the behaviour above is unacceptable.
I myself have used online dating on a few brief occasions and endured flaking, passive aggressive behaviour, callousness and rudeness yet made sure to simply ignore and move on.
For online dating to ever work it needs a better system and for men and women to take big steps forward in emotional intelligence. Hence I no longer online date.
It’s sad but relatable that similar in person script was used on myself while walking home at night. After reading “For Women Only” – I remind myself that the author was telling the truth – regardless of the decreasing percentages of gentlemen out there (:
It seems the internet allows people to be completely anonymous and unaccountable any more. I refuse to sign up for online dating because of this type of behavior. It has taken years for me to stand on my own, but these boys prove to me that taking my time to heal from my former abusive situation was totally the right thing to do and unfortunately I’m not sure I should try to step out of my comfort zone–ever
That this ever happens is too often. I wonder if it’s really that rampant, or if there just a few very busy rude people.
When I tried online dating, a good deal of men did act this way, I’d say at least 20%. The ones who don’t even TRY to send a positive message and just start insulting you right off the bat, because they assume you would never date them and so they want to “punish” you, are the most interesting. I have had men who never exchanged a single word with me send threats because from my pictures and profile they assume I am a snobby bitch who is “too good for them” and need to be “taken down a notch”. There are many men out there that hate women immensely simply for having the right to CHOOSE who her partner is and so they take your simple act of signing up for a profile as an affront to their masculinity and right to lord over the female of their choice.
How do I delete the above comment?
Evidently you are not aware of the ‘glass half full’ metaphor?
To gain anything in life does require a little hardship.
As a percentage of people, I’m sure it’s a relatively small percentage. Let’s say that 90% of males have some class and 10% are as listed above. How many men do women come across on a regular basis? Imagine for every 10 men a woman crosses paths with, the majority of which are polite or do not interact at all, that a woman has to deal with some form of the behavior as above. It’s hard to fathom how often the average woman will come across behavior like that. Some women, multiple times in a day!
I have faced such a situations many times and it is horrible! I think it could be called bullying. Now I know I should have taken screen shots…This is serious problem and I think more awareness is needed. Like catcalling this is very disrespectful and making women feel very uncomfortable and unsafe! Thank you for bringing light on the issue!
Me too. Just dealt with it a few days ago for the fifth zillion time. Deleted my online account because this is not how I want to end an already awful year.
I really don’t know what to do anymore. It’s bullying, misogyny, entitlement…
Uncomfortable? Yes, unsafe? No.
That is the product of an overactive, self indulgent imagination.
After all, one only has to hit the ever present ‘block’ button. If a meeting does take place then it should naturally occur in a public space.
James is right, I created a test to see how men acts. I must say I am ashamed how many men in my test acted stupid, or with no honest intentions or immaturity. My test was I created different female profiles with different beauty looks and life habits.
There was no difference in who they choose, same men contacted every women profile I posted, no matter how she looks or what she want’s, just few of them was good, with genuine intentions . In 5 days my fake test received over 200 messages with strange discussable sentences. From over 200 men just few (count on fingers) was genuine good.
I also saw lot’s situations in real life, and I knew one guy, but because of his stupid remarks on women I told him I feel ashamed how he acts move away from him forever. Those men don’t give good picture. It seems that their big inflated ego is something they can’t handle.
I also created test with different men profiles, different looks, habits, money earning and surprisingly in one month I received just one message. I know that women usually don’t create first step but it’s really big difference how people act. Nobody likes rejection but you must understand it’s not everything about You. Go on with life, respect person, understand person, get to known people before making immature judgement. Love.
Oh too familiar! I politely told one man online that I wasn’t interested in dating as I was starting to form a relationship with someone else. He then proceeded to tell me “Well get offline you two-timing *itch!” I blocked him. He later came back and FAVORITED me! Excuse me, but can we say just a tad bit nuts? And that was just one man! I’ve added up more stories in my few years of online dating to fill a book…from stalkers to married men. Thank you, James, for bringing this subject up. It’s unfortunate that most of the men who need these lessons will not likely read your blog.
There’s also married women on online dating sites whose husbands are hacking their accounts to threaten men who contact them. Even women with boyfriends. A lot of men usually aren’t aware of that and they also end up dating married women whose husbands go after them. If a woman tells a man she is married, he also threatens to murder the husband and her kids.
In other words, as I tell my friends. Don’t date married people. It only brings heartache.
Men usually have a habit of doing that because they are conditioned by society to pursue women even if women are married. If you’re a man, meeting a married woman online, chances are her husband might be using her account to threaten you. These women you meet on online dating sites could be lying about their relationship statuses and they could be married women pretending to be single and looking for affairs. If you get a message from a married woman that sounds threatening yet unrealistic, chances are it’s her husband (or one of her grown sons) using her account to threaten you. Meeting married women online is dangerous because most of them have insane husbands who might threaten you and also suspect you of being a registered sex offender.
Reblogged this on milamoki and commented:
It is rare that I do NOT receive these types of violent aggressive responses when I politely decline or altogether ignore random street advances and invitations. Ive been spit on and hit by snow balls! I have been verbally abused more times than I have skin cells to count with. No shit! My life does not know a time since puberty when I was not treated this way by men. My father raised me not to speak to men I don’t know out on the street, out in public and such. To be polite, to decline quiickly and consisely but by all means necessary keep moving- don’t EVER stop. I live by the core principles on how to comport myself in public that I was taught as a child and I am abused, threatened, and on several occasions physically attacked for it. One time a former neighbor left a letter on my car windshield crudely complimenting my body parts and detailing how he had been watching me and observing my “comings and goings to see when the best time we can hang out”. Well seeing as though the day before he said “I need me some pussy” as I got out the car returning from work I called the damn police! The police officer that arrived told me he broke no laws and that being a “pretty hot woman that type of thing is just something you gonna have to learn to deal with and not be calling the police over. My mouth fell open and I silently opened my front door for the officer sworn to protect and serve my safety to leave. I looked to my daughter whose mouth was also hanging open and said…”we all alone in this shit and we got to move to be safe”. And she said ” You mean “er” , “safe-er”, cuz mommy with cops out here like that how can we feel safe?” Its so cool that the narrative around violence against women and LGBT folks is radically changing for the better right now in our society but we have far too long a ways to go before the right of human dignity and safety is afford to all equally.
[…] * This Is What Happens When Women Reject Men Online […]
Reblogged this on champagne & vinyl and commented:
A little light reading at 0445 by one of my favorites. And be sure to check out Bye Felipe
[…] of the most prominent complaints I hear from women these days is about how men lash out, get angry, and become abusive when they are rejected. This is a very big problem because it reveals someone’s true […]
This is silly. Of course the men overreact to a female’s dismissal, they’ve grown up in an environment where approval from attractive women is the only way to be accepted as a man and any assault on their character lingers for an eternity by gossiping brats. In the enclosed bubbles of high school and college the attractive females could destroy a male’s identity on a whim. Being rejected and outcast not only ruins the male’s competitive edge for the most attractive females today, but also ruins his reputation going forward with future females and boss males. In our modern times, because women control resources and now dictate which men are beautiful, attractive women act as gatekeepers not only for sex but for social respect. This is especially pronounced on the male side of things when they learn that attractive females are prone to withholding their affections for only the rarest specimens. Because (attractive) women have so much sway, and because the male life becomes a feast or famine experience when it comes to sex, then having an attractive female, rather than an embarrassing unattractive female, at his side can mean social respect. This means more facebook connections, social support and ultimately higher job prospects. Studies have shown that most career movements are made by connections from others who get you in the door. Ever wonder why most managers are tall, white, non-bald and over 6 ft high? It’s because they’re getting the most attractive women and with their sex urges taken care of they can easily concentrate on abstractions. The respect of the attractive woman, leads to respect in the classroom and then on the job.
Men are being saddled with a double whammy as women gobble up the career jobs and academic posts then turn around and tell the men that they are undesirable, leaving the men with little wiggle room to improve their prospects. Men are forced to make money and be as beautiful as a celebrity to fit the female’s tastes in the west. The same female who fifty years ago would be happy with a paunchy electrician type of male now, through the proxy shift of resources from male to female, is demanding athletes and superstars as their mate, at least temporarily. Also understand that the people giving attractive women these jobs are most often CEO men, who probably want a harem of females underneath them who they could possibly leave their wives for. This means essentially that beautiful women control civilization up to the level before the CEO and ugly women up to the level of the cashier or line cook. This set up has essentially made the possibility of the average man to build a harem for himself doubly difficult with even the least attractive women, but doubly easy for the most attractive and rich men. The goal of all men, and all civilization is not monogamy, it is polygamy, where the sexual needs of men are attended to at all times. This means influencing harems and controlling sex ratios so that there are more women than men at all times. Unfortunately the wealthier men in our society have sabotaged this utopian goal and made sex twice as easy for them while compounding the difficulty for poorer men. Additionally this sabotage slows down the churning of the classes and reinforces the separation of the races. This is because with the society breeding mainstream women at a paltry pace for smug upper class men, rather than at an accelerated pace, then the number of beautiful women to go around drops precipitously, and so does the opportunity for minority men to breed with those women and blur the race line into future generations. This shift of administrative power into female hands has eroded the sexual destiny of millions of men, created legions of omega virgins and encouraged the increase in disease prone babies as these women marry later after vying for years for the athlete stud or CEO that hired them. So men, along with the previous burdens of making money and founding a business now must maintain perfect bodies to sate the whim of the female princess cupcake who has the ability to denigrate him in the eyes of the master female audience.
A male with an attractive female at his side advertises to others that he is branded as elite by the attractive female clique. This seal of approval tantalizes both fellow males and females bringing untold opportunities to the lucky male. Women and females have created a cabal of beauty with their cliques by using their sexual power to deny sex from all but the few. Their approval has since become so powerful that losing out to their selection can mean a poverty lifestyle. Men aren’t lashing out at women for denying them a one night stand, they are lashing out at a clique that denies them a family, money and civil respect. The males are experiencing the sexual version of the 1% economy where the top 1% of civilians control 50% of the wealth, likewise the top 1% of males gain sexual experiences with 50% of the women potentially while the others rot. The men act this way in dating sites and discussion boards because the women are selfish and have ignored the conditions that lead to the male’s sexual frustration.
For casual sex men wouldn’t lash out like this. If the male were getting sex from some dumpy girlfriend and looking for something better on the side psychologically he wouldn’t be so prone to bitterness. The violent responses are from attractive women totally denying him sex, and giving it out in spurts to his male model counterpart who has fifteen girls already (and bragging about it) in essence sexually frustrating the average male unfairly. In these environments the players are all competing for the most sexually attractive females, who are both young and fertile where winning the approval of one could mean not only the future sexual success with other females, but also the material success by impressing the high hogs with spare capital at their disposal. They’re more likely to hire people that say “Hi! I’m a winner!” rather than people who look like they belong in the backroom of a sneaker factory.
Also consider the psychology of the (attractive) female logging into these dating sites. She must know that there are frustrated males out there and that the ratio of males to females is like 3 to 1 on these sites. When a female complains about bad treatment from a man, she must be conveniently ignoring the millions of positive messages that she is bound to get. If a chick complains that men are lashing out at her she must be either completely naive and overprotected or crowing for attention. Even apps like Tinder that allow women to chase the 1% of guys the women must know that excluding themselves to the fashion models will heighten the possibility that the guy won’t respect her. So any (attractive) female that complains about treatment on dating sites is simply a princess with no self-awareness.
And female CEOs who give attractive males good positions and have harems of handsome men in which they leave their husbands for are slut-shamed.
Wow…someone sounds bitter and burned! You don’t think that a woman’s ego isn’t just as fragile? Is it any easier for a woman who has grown up spurned and rejected? No! You have sat there pronouncing condemnation on women because we don’t like it when someone is rude, creepy and aggressive towards us whether it’s on a dating site or in person. THAT is what I consider ridiculous! How dare you decide that it is appropriate behavior for a man to be offensive, rude and threatening? Get off your high horse sir and spend a day walking in a woman’s shoes and feel what it’s like when our own egos, identities and self esteems are attacked on a daily basis!
Excellent post, if a little verbose. I encourage the young ladies to actually read and consider it before commenting.
Now imagine this kind of assault lodged against a woman who’s already been victimized through abusive relationships, assault or rape? For a lot of women who are healing and attempting to find a partner after such painful experiences, resorting to online dating is a first step because they think it’s relatively safe.
And instead… this is what they deal with.
You are fat and ugly these guys just wanted an easy lay you said no so they tell you the truth hope it hurt
What is going on is for many years now women have been rejecting men and men are getting very upset with running into rejection all the time. Maybe they will start off with being kind towards women at first for a while then after time passes and they continue to get rejected it gets to them and they put out there anger towards women. A lot of men do not want to be single they would rather settle down and get married. What I think is the very best solution to this problem is for all American Men need to give up on American women it is obvious they do not want to be in a serious relationship. Millions of American women are always reject single men all the time on the dating sites. All single American men should go the route of getting married to a mail order bride. Women from other countries love American men and they want to get married to American man. Women from other countries are much more excepting towards American men without the hassles. An older American guy can get a young lady that is about 20 to 30 years younger and age does not matter to the women from other countries but it sure does matter from the young American ladies.
As a mature man I find rejection by any woman to be a passing triviality; what I do appreciate in a female is consideration and above all communication. Men need to remember that for women most rejection is simply a ‘pre-emptive strike’; women on the whole take rejection far more seriously than their male counterparts.
Men take rejection more seriously than their female counterparts because they make the first move while women cannot.
[…] This Is What Happens When Women Reject Men Online […]