It is no secret that people are frustrated with the state of the dating world these days. With statistics showing over half of American adults being single, clearly something has to change (at least, if a relationship is what you want).
Here is one of the big problems I think is perpetuating this widespread dissatisfaction: Not enough people are being forced to take the stairs.
Picture yourself on the top floor of a building. That level represents the standards you have set for yourself, your life, and your relationships. It represents where you are standing and where other people need to get to in order to reach you.
Naturally, it takes awhile to get to the top. You control the elevator after all, so if someone wants to see you, they need to take the stairs. So often times you are left waiting. It could be weeks, months, or even years before someone puts in enough effort to walk to the top level.
Maybe you get a little tired of waiting. And you think to yourself, “Hmm…I wonder if anyone has made it to the next level down yet?”
So, you get on your elevator and you descend one single level, just to look around. Effectively, you have just lowered your standards one notch.
There is nobody there yet, so you decide to wait a little longer. And then a little longer. Until you ask yourself, what’s the harm in going down just one more level?
And then, another.
Eventually – Ah! There they are! You had to go down quite a few levels to find them, but you’ve done it. You decide to go on a date with a few of the people who you have met down near the lobby, but continuously find yourself to be disappointed. Why are none of them really keeping your attention? Why do they seem to all put in very little effort? Why do they not want to change and improve? Why do they not want to take the stairs?
And then, you realize: They don’t want to take the stairs because they don’t have to. They know that if they just wait long enough, the ding of the elevator will signal someone else has arrived who has gotten tired of waiting and has lowered their standards to require a minimal amount of effort to be with them.
But, where is everyone else? Where are the ones who will put in the effort to climb the stairs? Perhaps they were climbing as you were descending, and you didn’t see them. Perhaps they are exploring the top floors of your building at this very instant, but you are nowhere to be found – because you are with someone from the basement. But hey, at least you are with someone, right?
And still, nobody is happy.
Nobody is happy because the people who put in the effort to climb the stairs often feel unappreciated, taken for granted, perhaps completely unnoticed. Maybe the timing was off. Maybe a few of them who did make it to the right floors weren’t someone you wanted to be with. Maybe it was just taking too long for them to find you.
So you decided to keep pressing the buttons.
We need to start making more people take the stairs. If the elevator bell on the bottom level does not ding, eventually – eventually, some people will start getting curious and walk up a flight or two to see what is going on. Is there anyone there? No? Let’s go up one more.
And then one more.
And then, eventually, as tired or worn out as they may be, they break through the very last door. You turn around, and there they are – the person you have been waiting for who you thought would never arrive. And to think, you were just about to press the elevator button.
It’s a good thing you didn’t.
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