I have been hearing a certain concern from women more often recently. It seems to permeate every age group and has become pretty widespread. The concern is from women who are talked to by men who seem genuine and interested in a real, honest, long term relationship…but never seem to get any more serious than just casual sex.
As a man, it puts me in an interesting position because I certainly don’t want to be seen as a ‘traitor’ to my own gender, but I also don’t want to be categorized with disingenuous guys who are giving the rest of us a bad name.
So on that note, I have decided to stand with those who are open and honest about what they want with a woman – regardless of what that is. No matter who you are or what you believe in, I think we can agree that it’s wrong to play with someone’s feelings and lead them on when you have no real intentions of backing up your words with actions.
So how can you tell if a man is just sticking around for one reason, but is not actually taking your ‘relationship’ seriously?
Your conversations never seem to move past sex.
Or compliments about your physical beauty. Or flirtatiousness. Or suggestive innuendos. Or to anything with real depth and meaning.
A man who is really interested in you as a person will want to be learning things about you. He will want to find out what makes you tick. What your passions are, what your dreams are, who you are. He will be trying to determine if he can live a life alongside you, not just if he can wake up next to you. If a man never seems to make it further than one version of the same topic, he is probably just there looking for one thing.
Any mention of feelings sends him in the other direction.
It is only natural to want to know how someone feels about you when you have been spending time with them. Especially if this time has been intimate. It doesn’t even have to be feelings about the two of you – if he avoids anything about how your day went, how you are annoyed with your sister right now, or anything that involves him being “boyfriendy,” then he is sending you a clear message he is not that interested in actually being one.
You don’t actually go out on dates.
If everything you do revolves around spending time at each other’s places and always results in sex or some sort of physical intimacy, it is pretty clear that he is not interested in the endless other facets that make up a relationship. If he is not willing to put in enough effort to actually take you somewhere (and then not expect anything at the end of the night), then there is only one reason why he is sticking around.
He doesn’t do anything romantic.
Lighting candles every time you go into the bedroom doesn’t cover the bases.
He never brings you around his family or friends.
That’s something you do with someone you’re serious about. So I mean, that would just be crazy.
He gets frustrated if you won’t sleep with him.
He doesn’t understand that you are a fully developed human being with wants, needs, moods, and feelings. If a man just expects you to be ready to go every time he spends time with you – and becomes frustrated when you are not, then dare I say it should be obvious where he stands.
A man who is really interested in you should be happy spending time with you in any capacity, not just physical.
He always has an excuse not to stay over.
Or for you not to stay over. If you’re never spending nights together, he is avoiding the intimacy that comes along with waking up next to someone. Nobody has that many “early meetings” to wake up for.
He is a ghost during the day.
If the only time you hear from this guy is at night (and it’s usually to invite you over), then he is obviously not putting in the necessary effort to actually build a relationship with you, which requires conversations when the sun is up sometimes.
I think we can all agree that having a sexually active relationship is fantastic, but it only counts as a relationship when you have the necessary pieces.
Keep in mind, this article really only applies when you are not on the same pages with what you want. If it is mutually agreed upon that you are strictly physical partners, then none of this qualifies as a concern.
I do think there is a lot of dishonesty that seems to be finding its way throughout the dating world, though. People are afraid of being up front and honest because their partner will walk away when they find out what you really want. But the truth is, if what you really want makes them want to leave, then they probably should.
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