Actions Speak Louder Than Words: 12 Ways Men Show Their Love
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In some conversations that I have with women regarding a man they are just starting to date, or even one they have been with for awhile – I often hear how he is not as verbal as they would like when it comes to showing their affection. Many things I suggest in my article suggest open and free communication between men and women in terms of showing how they value each other, but the truth is, it takes a certain kind of man to frequently put his feelings into words for you.
It is not better or worse, it does not mean more or mean less, it just shows that men all express their affection in their own ways (as do women, of course).
So, even if your guy isn’t telling you how he feels, here are some ways he might show you.
He brings you around his friends.
Or family. Or whoever is closest to him. When a man starts to make you part of the important things in his life, it is a good sign that he is serious about you. He wants others to experience the happiness that you bring to his life (and maybe show you off a little bit – in a good way because he is proud to be with you).
He stays close to you physically.
It could be keeping his arm around you, hugging you randomly, or cuddling up on the couch – a man who truly cares and enjoys your company will always want to be in close proximity to you. Physical contact, even when ‘innocent,’ sends non-verbal messages that are worth paying attention to.
He really listens to you.
One of the major things that men often get accused of is being terrible listeners. Whether we don’t remember that it was your friend’s birthday this weekend, or which scented candle was your favorite one at the store – the small details matter most. A man who really cares for you will listen intently and do his best to absorb all of the details that he can. It is his way of showing you that he values you and what you have to say.
He is all smiles after you kiss.
You know, that feeling… 🙂
He stays in touch with you just because.
Two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company don’t need a reason to talk to each other. If he texts or calls you just to say hello, to see how your day is going, or to say good morning and goodnight, it is a clear sign that he thinks about you often and wants you to know it.
He doesn’t care what you do, as long as you’re together.
Oh, you have to go grocery shopping today or go out and get things for your party this weekend? Count him in. For the man who wants to spend as much time with you as he can, it’s not just going to be on date night or when you are intimate together. A meaningful relationship is just as much about sharing in everyday things together, as it is about the exciting things.
He mirrors your behavior and body language.
While some of us recognize this as an effective form of communication as well as a method to make someone more comfortable around us, many people will just become so in-tune with the person they are with that they subconsciously start duplicating gestures, positions, or postures. If you find him touching your arm after you touch his, uncrossing his legs after you uncross yours, or leaning in to you during conversation after you lean in to him – it shows he is paying close attention to you, whether he realizes it or not.
He puts thought into the gifts he gives you.
While, obviously, special occasions are not the only time that a man (or woman) should do something special for you, they are more traditional in the sense that it is an opportunity to slow our lives down and show somebody how much we appreciate them. Whether it is a gift you have wanted or an experience you have desired to partake in – a man who really cares about you will not just pick up a stuffed animal and some flowers at the store. He will do something special that is clearly specifically for you.
He compromises.
No great relationship was ever built on the foundation of “what’s in it for me?” A man who is just playing the field will have no reason to sacrifice his own self-interest for somebody…unless he feels something deeper for them. When we begin to develop love for someone, we want to see them happy, even if that means putting our own self-interests aside for the sake of theirs. Her happiness becomes our happiness.
This is not to say he will become a doormat – there is a big difference between compromise and sacrifice. It goes both ways.
He will go pick up your dry cleaning.
Or whatever it is that you don’t have time to do yourself. He will put in the effort to help you out in order to make your life easier, just because. A man who is not serious about you will not be around often enough, nor willing enough, to do these things.
He asks for your advice.
If a man asks you for your advice on a decision he is trying to make or a situation that he is in, it means he values your opinion enough to take you seriously and actually use it as a guiding light in his own life. If a man values your thoughts, it means he values you.
He always makes you feel safe.
Men are naturally protective. Millions of years of biological evolution has brought us to the point where we naturally want to protect those we love, whether they need it or not. It could mean protecting you from getting hurt emotionally or physically, but protecting nonetheless.
A man who loves and cares for you will make you feel safe. He will never make you question whether or not he will be there for you in a time of need. A man who loves you will make you feel it in his own ways. When he really cares, you will know it – if he doesn’t, you will be wondering all the time if he does.
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Where were you when I was in the dating game?! Haha. I am happily married now and this hits the head on the nail with how my husband makes me feel. But man…. This would have saved me a lot of heartache hahaha. I believe as much as men talk to each other about deciphering women, women do the same. It took me a long time until I met my husband to understand “actions speak louder than words” when it comes to feeling love and being cherished.
My boyfriend showed all of these actions during the two years we spent together. Then on holiday when I used his mobile because I had lost mine, I found dating apps and memberships to casual sex dating sites! I knew there was ‘something’ going on with his phone which is why I took the opportunity to look when I had the chance but his ‘I love this woman’ actions and behaviour were consistent and strong. The contradiction has completely confused me.
that’s unfortunate however sometimes men can separate love and sex better than we can
Reblogged this on AFruitFli's Blog.
i am looking for your article about relationships being 100percent on both parts not 50-50
you’re looking for a !00% nigga ? that’s impossible. no One’s perfect. 😀
Seira,
Please don’t say “nigga”! Even if you yourself are one! It’s very unbecoming and extremely unattractive to other people! I’m sure your education level is above saying that word.
In order to offer solutions and not just point out problems, you can replace the word you used with “man” in the future. As in “You’re looking for a 100% Man? That is impossible, no one is perfect. 😁”
Doesn’t that sound and look a lot better now? 😊
Sincerely,
All of society!
I really like the post. I compared it to that of my guys attitude and i realised it very true. Thank u for the post
This article should be titled “How a man acts in a woman’s fantasy” or “12 ways to make you feel bad about your relationship”
Sorry that you are self-conscious about not meeting the standards described here Lewis. :/
Can’t take criticism? SOMEBODY is a little self-defensive. Hmm, wonder who it is?
You didn’t give criticism. You left a sarcastic meaningless comment. If you have something constructive and detailed to say I would be happy to learn from it.
As far as the list goes, these are all things that I personally do, so reading this would not seem like a fantasy nor would it make me feel bad about anything.
Now, if I didn’t choose to act like this……
I’m so glad there are still some fine young men who understand what a Real man is and how he treats a Lady…You my Friend, are leading that charge…
Never mind the Clueless little boys who will always be jealous of a Real Man.
Keep up the good work…
Lewis, it seems like I am reading a different article than you. In this article James is saying to women not to be overly upset if they dont hear the words of affection as often as they want because men often show love in other ways as well. He says,
“So, even if your guy isn’t telling you how he feels, here are some ways he might show you.”
He lists 12 actions a man may do that would be showing love. Nowhere did he say that a man must do all12 to have a good relationship. He is letting women know that men may SHOW love in ways other than words. It is hard for me to see how that is offensive. I dont see the fairytale here.
It is helpful for women to realize that men may express their love in ways that arent verbal.
[…] This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s blog. […]
Silly blogger, Don’t try to act like this article was intended for men. I would guess that the vast majority of your audience is women. The “sarcastic meaningless” Title suggestions are not directed at men but at the women that your article causes to feel, incorrectly, that their relationship is wanting.
cause*
Eh you sound super bitter. Having been through relationships with men that do and dont do these things, I would have to say James is right. Maybe it is just a matter of connecting with the right person to bring out these qualities. Regardless, I have found his statements to be true and not “silly”. Sounds like maybe you need to re-evaluate your situation since you took so much defense to it.
Lewis, you need to understand that women likes fairy tale stories, I just hope you get someone who knows that she’s not leaving in a fantasy world (“who’s unplugged from the matrix”).
[…] recent articles, we have discussed how some men tend to communicate their love non-verbally. While this is important to understand when it comes to being on the receiving end of communication […]
Hi James! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading your articles over the past year. It’s classy and, for me, inherent knowledge that I appreciate being reminded of as relationships evolve in my life. I have a question that I’d love your opinion on in regards to this article: Do these same actions garner the same message when coming from a man that is not your significant other, say a good friend or colleague? Could these actions indicate moreso a familial closeness rather than romance? Obviously more details would assist in making a better assessment, but on a general level I’m curious as to your thoughts.
Looking forward to your response!
I have a question, what if the woman is non verbal or vice versa?
my bf is all of it…and even more…loved the article..
completely reminds me of the only love of my life for 9 years and still counting….:)…. the best part of it… he hasn’t changed a bit since day 1. He’s even more loving and caring now than before. I feel like I’m one of the luckiest person alive,all thanks to him:)
Reblogged this on Forever A Fantasist and commented:
only one guy popped into my head… 😍😍
This is something that will really make you smile ,while reading..coz you know that its so true..!!
thank you for this. it reminds me everything for my previous relationship. now if GOD give me again another chances to have a special someone in my life promise i will all of this staff….thank you
I normally not reading articles , lazy reading etc, but you hooked me to read this because is true, and i feel this to my husband we 7 years married and he still like this, keep writing I am your fan, 😛
SUPER AGREE… 🙂 i’m super relate actually. Man is sooo romantic if he finds the right one or let just say he truly loved 🙂 SORRY for all the BITTER here about this. I can say go away looser! you are just insecure! HAHA :p love love love 🙂
[…] James Michael Sama / October 20, 2014 […]
I soooo like your article because its all true. I’ve been married for 15 years now and with 5 kids and until today my husband still shows all of this affection to me…
of course, do me a favor, hire a pretty woman and let her seduce and let her try to kiss your husband, if your husband refuse then I’ll agree on this article. LoL!!
Refuses* And, Carlos, are you suggesting that if you were married you would cheat on your wife just because a pretty woman approached you?
Doesn’t sound like a very secure marriage to me.
James, I’m citing a situation here that when a man is in his weakest state and vulnerable (e.g. being approach by a pretty woman, seducing him and trying to kiss or strip in front of him) but still able to manage not to cheat that is one hell secure marriage.
To all Goddess, please don’t think that just because a man does these 12 ways for 100 years means that he is a saint and just because your man don’t do most of these means he doesn’t love you enough or he is cheating, remember that before actions and words you have thoughts and senses, fantasies do come true but not most of the time.
It’s about how men show their love, Carlos. Not about men’s weaknesses. No one is perfect and most men who show their love to their partners like this are often the ones who are able to overcome their weaknesses and are less vulnerable. In other words, they are more trustworthy. 🙂
yeah sounds like a man with no backbone LOL!
[…] A man (or anyone) can talk a certain way, and then act another way. Words are nice, but they are always drowned out by actions. Early on in a relationship, watch what someone does more than what they say. Words can be dishonest, but actions can’t. […]
[…] A man (or anyone) can talk a certain way, and then act another way. Words are nice, but they are always drowned out by actions. Early on in a relationship, watch what someone does more than what they say. Words can be dishonest, but actions can’t. […]
In reading the comments on this article, I feel like many missed the point or rather I am receiving a different message. I feel it can be viewed as a message to women letting them know that “Hey, if your man doesn’t always tell you how much he cares for you, he can be actually showing you by doing a few or all of these 12 things.” I have to agree with the sentiment that men aren’t always 12 for 12 here. I can say for my part I think they are a great model for what you can strive to do for the woman you truly love and it has given me some good insight on how to be a better communicator to my wife. I do feel that some of the commentary suggests some insecurity on the part of those that don’t do all 12 of these things., and I think they missed the point.
Great article!! Totally agree it’s about the action. QUESTION if it’s been 10mos and the situation is complicated like distance and timing of starting a relationship and there has been a lot of words but no action to those words and no explanation on his part how do I nicely let him know this? Didn’t want to assume right away he isn’t genuine with his intent and want to give space for his pursuit …?
Walk away!! I was in a similar situation and it turned into a nightmare… the guy used the distance and the non explanation of pursuit to determine my loose boundaries (which I had at the time). Turned into a manipulation game. 1 child later I am planning an ok escape. Watch out. The only great positive I can say was that God really used this situation to talk to me! I will forever follow Him, for all of my days, I suggest you consult a member of your clergy on this.
[…] You’ve forgotten that actions speak louder than words. […]
[…] man (or anyone) can talk a certain way, and then act another way. Words are nice, but they are always drowned out by actions. Early on in a relationship, watch what someone does more than what they say. Words can be […]
[…] You’ve forgotten that actions speak louder than words. […]
Today there are 17 separate departments and the potential for over 100 different men to put on world championship belts of varying standing and worth.
Reblogged this on Darie's Daily Dish and commented:
A great read ladies,,,,& guys,,,❤️🌹
[…] 男性の愛情表現は独特で個性的。ゆえに「女性からは分かりにくく語弊を生むことがある」そうです。ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏は、女性が望むほどに愛情表現を口にしない男性への擁護として「好きと言う代わりに男性が示す行動」を自身のブログで発表。女性の皆さん、男性からの愛情表現、届いていますか？ […]
[…] 男性の愛情表現は独特で個性的。ゆえに「女性からは分かりにくく語弊を生むことがある」そうです。ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏は、女性が望むほどに愛情表現を口にしない男性への擁護として「好きと言う代わりに男性が示す行動」を自身のブログで発表。女性の皆さん、男性からの愛情表現、届いていますか？ […]
[…] 男性の愛情表現は独特で個性的。ゆえに「女性からは分かりにくく語弊を生むことがある」そうです。ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏は、女性が望むほどに愛情表現を口にしない男性への擁護として「好きと言う代わりに男性が示す行動」を自身のブログで発表。女性の皆さん、男性からの愛情表現、届いていますか？ […]
[…] http://jamesmsama.com/2014/10/20/actions-speak-louder-than-words-12-ways-men-show-their-love/ The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship: What Women Want and What Men Need to Know […]
There is no better way to end the day than reading the various articles that you pin up. I aspire to be the best woman that I can be, and knowing that there are men out there who want to reciprocate the same attitude makes waiting for a gentleman so worth it. Thank you for all the time, love and care you invest into writing all of these articles they are written from the heart and always a pleasure to read.
What to do if a married man shows this kind of love
[…] James Michael Sama is an award winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio. Follow him on Twitter at @JamesMSamaThis article originally appeared on JamesMSama.com. […]
Thank you for this article. It popped up in my fb memories today from 3yrs ago. I needed to read this today. My guy and i have known each other for over 20yrs now. We dated for a yr then just kinda faded from each other’s lives. I got married and had children. 20yrs later as i was going through a divorce, guess who pops up in people you may know on fb! It was like time stood still and waited for us to find each other again. We’ve been together 4yrs now. He has never said i love you and lately that has started to bother me a lot. I know him and know he’s the kind of guy that shows his love by actions or gifts. I know this..but lately ive been pushing him to “say the words” So much so that it almost ruined our vaca last wk. He always says “you know how i feel about you. I show you all the time” Reading this article i realized that he DOES, he really does. He calls or texts everyday. Every morning and every night and all through the day just to see how my day is or flirt or just encourage me. Ive met some of his family and lots of his friends and colleagues. He always buys little things that he knows i like or needs. When he stays for wkends at my house he cooks and cleans runs errands and fusses if inlift a finger to help. At his house or mine he ALWAYS makes me breakfast in bed. Ham and chees omelet, french toast and strawberries with honey caramel mocha in the winter and iced caramel coffee in the summer. He thinks ahead and plans things to make my life easier. Always leaves me a shirt that smells like him cause i love that. Stays up until i call that im safe at home when i have a moms night out..no matter how late i get in. He tells me im beautiful all the time, holds my hand in public and always touches me in small ways i dont think hes even aware of, calls me sweetie, lets me wear his boxers lol, and tolerates me when im hangry or being a brat. So yes i want to hear him say it, but thats not his way. I know he loves me. This article helped me to remember that. Thank you so so much!
[…] James Sama has great list of how your BF can show you he loves you without saying those precious three words. […]
[…] you say is extremely important to him and that you play a central role in his life. When he can recall minute details and specifics of things that you said to him, or he brings up topics that you happened to mention in passing, […]
[…] you say is extremely important to him and that you play a central role in his life. When he can recall minute details and specifics of things that you said to him, or he brings up topics that you happened to mention in passing, hes […]