A Response To: ‘Confessions Of A Serial Cheater’

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A friend linked me to this (borderline ridiculous) article, Confessions of a Serial Cheater, that I was compelled to respond to.

Where do I begin?

The anonymous (for good reason) storyteller begins by openly discussing his consistent cheating habit. The first (of 10? 15? Maybe 20?) time he cheated on his current fiancee started with the seemingly immature egging on from his roommate’s female friend who was staying over.

“Just do it, just do it.”

So, he did. Blatantly disregarded the ‘love of his life’ fiancee who was probably home thinking this guy was quietly spending the night with his friend and would be back in her arms the next morning.

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Is anyone else picturing these guys in an Abercrombie polo shirt two sizes too small and a fraternity hat on backwards?

He continues…

There’s something amazing about someone new. It’s just like a discovery. When you’ve been with someone for so long, they have a very distinct touch.

Yeah, that’s the point. When you enter a monogamous relationship, that’s what you sign up for. One woman. One man. One body. Many of us feel the urge to “sow our oats” so to speak before committing to one person. Apparently that’s not enough for some.

There is such a thing as respectful infidelity. That’s one of the things that I always think about. As much as I’ve been unfaithful at times, I’ve tried, as respectfully as I could, to do it without hurting anyone’s feelings and getting caught.

This is a new one to me. Respectful infidelity? This stinks of the desperate attempt of a perpetual bachelor to make himself feel better for willingly taking actions that would emotionally destroy someone who cares about him.

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I also don’t go down on other women, because I want less intimacy with the people I’m cheating with, and going down on a woman is one of the most intimate things for me.

Oh, I’m SO glad you said that. In that case, this entire response is unwarranted, I actually think you’re a really cool guy now.

Just kidding.

I feel like we’re raised to think of love as this fairy-tale thing where she finds Prince Charming and he finds the princess. That they’re the only ones in this world meant for each other because everybody else is a bunch of gnomes and witches.

Not necessarily. It’s 2013. People know that relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. They’re work, and a commitment. But that’s the funny thing about the word ‘commitment’ – it means you actually have to commit to one person in order for it to apply. If you don’t want to commit, stay single.

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If you commit to someone with the clear intention of: 1) Building up your relationship to the point where she is monogamous and may even want to spend eternity with you. 2) Continue to willingly and consistently cheat on her, mentally and physically. Then you, sir, are a douchebag.

You go and have sex with a woman at a hotel, you shower and clean off, and you go home. Then you kiss the woman who you actually love—usually she’s asleep so I don’t have to do that until the next day.

If you can do something like this (repeatedly, with different women) without your conscience eroding inside of you like it’s been dipped in acid, then you need to step back and take a serious look at your emotional health and what your future could hold.

The anonymous cheater goes on to reassure us that he hasn’t cheated on this poor girl since they got engaged, and that he doesn’t ‘intend to’ after they get married – as if that’s supposed to wipe out his entire past.

As if, his fiance finding out what he’s done wouldn’t collapse their relationship like a house of cards.

As if he isn’t hiding a gigantic part of himself from the woman he has promised to spend the rest of his life with.

As if now we’re supposed to like him.

My question is – what is it that makes you think you can literally shut this part of yourself off simply because there’s going to be a gold band on your finger? Is it just because now women are going to know you’re a cheater if they happen to come across your ring on your finger or in your pocket?

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Or, have you become so accustomed to lying to other people that you’ve began to lie to yourself, and believe it? Are you really that good at it? Can you fool yourself into believing you’ve actually changed, or have you really?

Did you really think you could put this story out to the national public and find sympathy, instead of a backlash of negativity?

And the most important question of all – if you’re not 110% positive that you’re ready for this commitment, are you really going to follow through with letting an innocent woman think she’s committing her entire life to a man who might have too much vodka one night and go back to the bartender’s place?

If you’re willing to sacrifice the emotional well-being of the woman you ‘love’ for the sake of your own enjoyment; do the rest of us men a favor and stay single. Because if you screw up and get caught, you’re going to add to the list of untrustworthy men that make the rest of us look bad.

Thanks for nothing.

[twitter-follow screen_name=’JamesMSama’]

Photo source: EliteDaily.com

6 Comments

  1. […] A response to: ‘Confessions of a Serial Cheater’ (jamesmsama.wordpress.com) […]

  2. Jennifer Woods on September 16, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    It boggles my mind the mental gymnastics men like that have to go through to justify their actions. If his woman does not KNOW he’s with other women, and if he’s led her to believe he’s monogamous, and he expects loyalty of her, then he’s a piece of filth for cheating. Plain and simple.

    Nice visual, by the way, of the fear boy with the backwards hat. It exactly describes the beer-bloated, hairless ape who shouted obscenities at me from his car window the other day. I wonder if it is the same guy…

  3. Michael on September 30, 2013 at 5:12 am

    Monogamy is a myth and there isn’t a bigger delusion than believing two humans can stay attracted to each other for prolonged period of time. Several years, possibly, life time statistically unlikely. (of course there are exceptions to this, but in such small minority) Certain types of men and women are prone to infidelity, however, they should NEVER EVER get in monogamous relationship. What is the point? Why bother?

    I do, however understand the “variety” argument. The guy is an idiot for being in this type relationship in the first place. Maybe open relationship/marriage is the answer for guys like us.

  4. Mickie on November 20, 2013 at 1:43 am

    I applaud the man for confessing his mind about relationships.
    But I just barely won the battle to not hang myself after reading his confessions about how he was ready to magically ‘change’ his personality, past, and wired mind after a little ring was placed onto his serial cheating finger. As he confessed, his mind was just born wired differently than men who prefer to stay faithful. What gives you this idea that getting married will change the way you think? The ending of his confessions just sounded like a bunch of baloney that was typed to make people feel remorse. I will bet everything that I have that he will cheat on the woman “he loves” a day after their honeymoon.
    To me, it seems as if he only uses her for security and a pair of arms to wrap around him at night.
    And PLEASE don’t use the excuse that women just simply don’t understand that cheating multiple times and kissing the woman you promised to be with forever is “just a guys thing” or somehow “okay” to do.
    I am so glad my partner actually RESPECTS me.

  5. jessica on November 22, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    As a student of psychology and a trained addiction counselor I genuinely believe this man needs help if he intends to stay monogamous. I realize people believe addiction is a cop out excuse but this individual is addicted to his behavior. He should seek therapy from someone who specializes in behavior modification or he will absolutely continue cheating and eventually it will destroy his relationship.
    I am in no way saying it is okay.

  6. buffer 2 5 seachem on October 17, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Great article.

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