11 Ways To Show Him Your Love
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Great relationships aren’t about give and take, they’re about give and give.
Of the hundreds of articles I’ve written, at least 75% are about how men can improve themselves and be better partners for the women in our lives.
Here’s what we almost never talk about, though: Men need affection, too.
Psychology Today once made the distinction: Our newsfeeds are so flooded with negative press about bad men doing bad things that we have almost accepted the perpetual narrative that men are inherently untrustworthy or unloving.
While these men are prominent in media coverage, they are not your husband. Your partner. Your boyfriend or significant other.
Odds are, that dude is just doing his best to love you and figure things out along the way.
So, to honor an article I wrote a couple of years ago outlining how women can love the men in their lives (since it still receives hundreds of daily views through women searching for it), here is a refresher for those who want to reciprocate the effort their (good) man puts in every day.
Men are conditioned from the start to be the pursuer in relationships, we (often, happily) put in the effort to pursue a woman and to earn her affection. Then, after we enter into a relationship, any man worth his salt will continue finding new ways to love you as he works to maintain the trust he has built over time.
I’ve been a public voice encouraging this effort on behalf of men for over a decade.
I’ve also been a public voice stating that they need to know their efforts are appreciated.
Returned affection through compliments is important, even if it’s the small things:
He’s been spending time in the gym? Tell him you can see the results of his work.
Tell him how great he looks in that shirt.
Tell him you’re grateful for the person he is.
Regardless of how confident a man comes across, acknowledging him with genuine adoration will make him feel appreciated, and all warm and fuzzy inside.
Ask him to do something for you.
Men are instinctively problem solvers.
I’ve repeatedly made the case that a woman telling a man about her challenges does not mean that she is looking for a solution (unless she asks for it). She often just wants his support while she figures it out herself.
That also doesn’t change the fact that men feel useful, wanted, and needed when they are given a task or a purpose.
A good man will step up for you when you need him, and be proud to do so.
Giving him the opportunity to contribute, it will particularly resonate if one of his love languages is “acts of service.”
Give him long hugs.
Men often communicate through touch. Whether it be through body language, putting his arm around you, or holding your hand – it is a language he instinctively understands.
This provides you with a great opportunity to be close to him physically and also send a very important message of love that he wants to hear [feel].
Holding on to him just a little longer or hugging him just a little tighter will show him the affection he desires.
Support his passions.
One of the most frequent complaints I hear from people I coach is that one (or both) of the partners in a relationship eventually stopped doing the things they loved.
They gave up a hobby or a passion over time.
Whatever it is that he loved doing before he met you – make sure he knows you support his continued enjoyment of it.
Extra bonus points if you partake in it with him.
Unless,of course, it’s harmful or dangerous to your relationship. But if that’s the case, he shouldn’t want to continue doing it anyway.
Wear that outfit you know he loves.
Here is a revolutionary piece of news I’m sure nobody has ever heard before: Men are visual creatures. Shocking, I know. But it’s the truth – men, if you haven’t noticed, respond highly to visual stimuli, particularly from the woman in their lives.
But there’s more to it than just looking good. If a man sees you in something you know he loves, he will know that you are putting in effort to look good for him. Regardless of how long you have been together, this is a great way to show him that you desire him as he desires you. Not entirely sure what he likes best? Science says the safe bet is to go with red.
Give him your undivided attention.
This, of course, goes both ways. Inevitably when I write an article about men or women someone always chimes in and tells me it is a universal thing rather than gender specific. This is obvious. But since this is an article about men, that’s what we’re talking about
ALL of us are guilty of mindlessly scrolling through our phones while watching Netflix or sitting at the dinner table, which is exactly what makes undivided attention so special: It takes effort.
Make him feel comfortable venting to you.
Men are often told that we should be the strong ones, which some men misinterpret as being unemotional. While I fully believe that showing emotion requires more strength than holding it in, societal constructs say otherwise.
This means that there are few safe places for men to really open up and vent about what’s bothering them, regardless of how badly they want to.
If you provide that safe place for him, it will be a welcomed gesture of love and affection. The happiest relationships come when two people are able to be open and honest with each other, and that honesty is a byproduct of being able to speak freely without fear of being judged.
Be affectionate with him.
As simple as this one is, it is often overlooked. Small things like hand-holding, walking arm in arm with him, or resting your head on his shoulder (or chest if you’re laying down) make him feel like he’s one with you, and protecting you from harm – something all good men should want to do.
All men feel affection in different ways depending on their love languages:
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Gift giving
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
It’s important for BOTH partners in a relationship to understand EACH OTHER’S love language(s), so they can effectively communicate their love.
If yours is gift giving and his is physical touch, it won’t matter how many things you buy him, he’ll never feel love if you don’t touch him.
Communicating yours to him is important as well, so he knows how to reciprocate.
Show him he’s a priority.
We all have busy lives. Friends, family, work…things can get crazy. It’s unrealistic to put a significant other before all of these things all the time – but make sure you include him where you can, and don’t let him feel boxed out, shuffled to the bottom of the deck, or unwanted if you get too busy. Especially if he works to prioritize you as well (as he should be).
Time is the most valuable asset any of us have, because we can’t get it back after we spend it. It’s one of the best gifts we can give.
Thank him for the little things.
A good man should always be willing to do this little things for you. Whether it is picking up your prescription at the pharmacy or taking out the trash, these are some of the ways he shows his love by putting in the effort. Showing appreciation to someone for doing these things is something that appears frequently in my articles because it is an important point to make.
One of the most valuable things we can hear as men is “I appreciate you.” In a society where men are frequently being reminded that women don’t need us, we really do crave feeling wanted. Even needed – regardless of if we really are. [Good] men thrive on providing, protecting, and having these efforts be acknowledged.
It is easy for all of us to get so caught up in our busy lives that we overlook acknowledgment of small efforts put forth by others – but the truth is that these are the things that mean the most because it shows willingness to do something for you, just because. Showing your appreciation for these things may take just seconds out of your day, but they will make a big difference in his life – as well as motivate him to put in even more effort because he knows he is appreciated.
In the bedroom.
Yes, it had to come up eventually. This may sound juvenile or primitive or whatever you want to call it, but the truth we ALL know deep down is that one of the best things you can do for the man you love is to be physically intimate with him. I have always operated under the guidelines that the woman always comes first in the bedroom [no pun intended…well, maybe]…but it also has to be a two way street.
Here’s the thing: It’s not just about the sex.
Physical intimacy connects two partners on an emotional level and forges a biological bond between them through the release of oxytocin. This is why “friends with benefits” almost never works out in the long run, because our biology overrides us.
While all men are different, you’d be hard-pressed to find one who didn’t feel more connected to his significant other after an intimate encounter.
What are some ways YOU show the man in your life how you feel? Let me know in the comments below.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
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