7 Reasons To Choose The Gentleman Over The Bad Boy


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Women are notorious for liking “bad boy” types and often times, snubbing the good guy. While the difference between a good guy and one who is so nice he could be considered a doormat, is an important one to define – the man who prides himself on his character and integrity should be acknowledged as a viable option for a romantic partner.

Here are seven reasons why.



He will always support you.

A man who is truly a gentleman will always stand behind you, support you, and encourage you. Sure, there are some “bad boys” who will provide you with the same support, but by nature a gentleman will be more likely to express his emotions as well as to relate with yours. This quality will allow him to be more empathetic than his counterparts and have a higher comfort level when discussions complex issues.


He will make you feel loved and respected.

Bad boys are notorious for being exciting because they’re dangerous. But being bad isn’t the only way to be exciting. A gentleman who truly cares about you will always be willing to show his love to you by keeping things interesting. Furthermore, he will have no intention of going out to find other women because he’ll be too busy finding new ways to love the one he already has.

Bad boys can come across as less affectionate and loving. In the long term, lacking these qualities can add tension and confusion to a relationship because you won’t know where he really stands and may have difficulty getting him to open up and talk about it.

Some days, you just want to come home and fall comfortably into loving arms.


He will make you feel secure. 

A gentleman who wants the best for himself and for those in his life will be driven and ambitious. He will have goals and be willing to pursue them. This goes hand in hand with point #1, where he willingly supports you on your journey to your goals as well.

Whether or not he is…or even wants to be, financially successful, is not what security is about. It’s about stability and maturity – two things that sometimes lack in the “bad boy.” A man who is on a path in life and wants you to be his teammate will eliminate concern or worry about what the next day might bring.



You’ll know what you’re getting.

At times, the ‘bad boy’ can be volatile or unpredictable. While this is what makes him exciting in the short term, if you are the type of woman who is looking for a long term commitment, or even to build a family, this can make the road a little more bumpy along the way.

A gentleman who holds himself to a standard of conduct will take pride in being up front and honest with you. When you have a man like this in your life, you will be confident in who you are with and what path you can take together.


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You will have real passion.

Lust is possible with any couple who has an intense physical attraction to each other. This often is prevalent with the bad boy type. He is probably attractive, exhilarating, and unpredictable – but does he have depth?

Real, long lasting passion only comes when two people connect on a deeper emotional level and build a strong relationship with each other. No matter how strong your physical attraction is, a healthy relationship requires compatibility in many other areas of life.

A gentleman will have the depth and character to bring this to the table.


You will have deeper trust.

Many times the bad boy has been burned. He may be jaded or have had negative relationships along his journey, which likely have shifted his outlook on life. He may not be as open or expressive with you, which over time may make you question his honesty with you or what he may not be telling you.

A gentleman will always be honest and up front, while still being sensitive to your feelings and how he expresses himself. These qualities, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship, help to build a stronger bond of trust between you.



You will get the best of both worlds.

A gentleman…a true gentleman, will not be the stereotypical “nice guy” who women cannot take seriously. He will possess strength, but with just the right amount of softness. He will be exciting and spontaneous, but he will always keep you safe. He will be driven to create his own success, but aware enough to also support yours. He will be your rock, but empathetic enough to show you he cares and does his best to understand.

The old adage “nice guys finish last” just depends on how far down the timeline you go. In the long run, often times the good guy comes out on top. His character and integrity stop being taken for granted and begin to be sought after. He becomes a commodity rather than a distraction, and the bad boy gets grown out of.

The gentleman may not get “all the girls,” but he will get the one who truly appreciates him and makes him happy.

Click here to get my new e-book, The Gentleman’s Advantage!


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  1. Kim B on December 12, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    Reblogged this on Kim's Random Thoughts.

  2. Lily on December 13, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Hi James,

    I recently had a period in my life where I wasn’t sure where I stand with the guy I dated.
    The conversations always were towards body parts and I felt myself insecure all the time.
    I was hoping to connect with him emotionally before being involved physically but he decided to move on as soon as I made it clear that he doesn’t have a chance for intimacy. Recently I found out that he is married where couple of months before he told me openly that he will never get married.
    And he stated that I’m very confused and should decide what I want in my private life. In reality I am after emotional connection and believe that a normal man will wait until a girl will feel comfortable enough to be involved physically.
    Would you be able to give your opinion please?
    Have I had a “bad boy” experience?
    Thank you

    • Joe on December 14, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      I, of course, am not James and can’t answer for him, but it sounds to me like you had a “bad boy” experience of the worst kind. Without knowing all the details, it sounds to me like it played out as: Man realizes he’s not going to attain physical enjoyment, leaves woman who won’t immediately gratify his desires, then quickly marries as a drastic move out of frustration. He likely married to prove some nonsensical point in an attempt to get back at you, which if that’s the case, is pretty low, but ultimately the jokes on him. That may sound absurd, but spite moves people to do some pretty crazy things.
      So in short, it sounds to me like you have clairvoyance in what you want in your private life, and this guy is the confused one.

      • Lily on December 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

        Hi Joe,

        Thank you for the reply.
        It’s more complicated than it appears.
        I’ve made a lot of mistakes too…
        In any way it was great to have an opinion from outside.

    • Andrew on January 19, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      Lily the best way to get that is to tell the guy from the start that your going wait until to get married. Just be honest with the guy. If he don’t like it. Then you don’t need him.

      • Lily on January 26, 2015 at 8:31 am

        Looking back now I think he was serious about me. But he said from the beginning that he will never get married. I told him openly that I need to get married before being involved physically. He wanted a relationship with me, but managed to push me to the corner where I gave up and said “No” for intimacy. What he didn’t understand is that I wanted different conversations and some meaning in all what was going on. Never wanted to discuss body parts or going for the weekend somewhere. By offering all these he actually pushed me away. On the top of that before moving on he put me under condition “date or relationship”. He doesn’t know one thing that I analysed him when we were on few dates and had seen that he just sat in front of me and was looking at other ladies breasts. For me it’s disrespect and he doesn’t even know how he managed to hurt. My reply for his question (date or relationship) was: “I can offer you light dates”. I wanted to find out if I can connect with him more deeper before even going physically. And I’ve offered light dates as I end up having a feeling that I’m too much in his life. For my offer he replied with a question: “will you allow me to touch you upper waist?” That question on its own pushed me away completely. I just couldn’t stand the whole idea of a man just being interested in my body nothing more than that. Plus the fact of his eyes looking at some other ladies curvy parts.
        My reply was no, and he moved on. His current wife I think didn’t mind to be intimate and within a month he married her.
        A friend of mine (guy) thinks that I wasn’t the only one in his circle.
        Maybe that why he took me for granted completely (it’s how I feel), what he thinks I don’t know.
        And I have asked him why he end up getting married where he knew what I wanted, he replied by saying: “there was nothing left between us. You are so confused.”
        That’s all.
        Thanks for the insights.

  3. SL on December 13, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    Reblogged this on Ramble & Relish.

  4. Andrew on December 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Good points all and very much worth of reflection. I would like to add that some men might take a bad boy mode in another situation and be more of a gentleman in another. It’s like a introvert-extravert continuum: most people situate themselves in the middle being ambiverts. My girl-friend would probably agree that in another day I’m the most caring and romantic gentleman, but sometimes, not often, a little bad boy.

  5. Antoine Borg on December 18, 2014 at 11:11 am

    “While the difference between a good guy and one who is so nice he could be considered a doormat, is an important one to define” – excellent point and one which I’ve been a victim of, probably. It’s a fine line which is defined by confidence, more than anything else. I’ll be writing about this soon too on my Yinology.org blog.

    Thanks for this!

  6. Joe Borden on July 10, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    One of the hardest lessons my son has had to learn is that nice guys never win.

  7. Liz on January 30, 2017 at 4:25 am

    In my experience the reformed bad boy is a good option! Respectful, loyal ,has your back, is supportive and loves with depth because you took him on.

    • Migs on March 5, 2017 at 12:55 pm

      Reformed bad boy???? Yeah right, a bad boy may make you believe he is “reformed” but at the end of the day you can’t change your nature, women live in a fantasy chick flick world were they believe they can “reform” the man and get the ego boost of their lives,total BS !!!! Bad boy gets lots of sex , Gentleman get bad boy leftovers ( desperate women past their sexual peak wanting a provider after they had slept with plenty bad boys )

  8. Mike Basille on February 25, 2019 at 1:11 am

    Andrew, Lily said to get “comfortable enough to be involved physically”, in plain English, why are trying to reinvent a wheel? Her guy is not a bad boy, is more like bad nerd!! No loss here! Good for you, Lily!

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