The Secret To Understanding Women


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The female mind is one of the most intriguing enigmas known to man. It can be fascinating, or frustrating, both for men and women.

Men want to understand women, naturally, to be “better” with them, and build stronger relationships; both intimately and in other aspects of life. And women want to understand themselves (don’t we all?).

This universal desire is the foundation for endless theories and discussions about what women want, and how to understand them.


Alas, here it is, finally, the secret to understanding women:

There is no secret.

Disappointed? Don’t be. This freeing realization unlocks the limiting chains of grouping all women, or any mass of people, into a singular classification with a universal remote. The goal of “understanding women” is like trying to understand any other group of people as if they were all one – when they are very much not.

Individual personalities, wants, needs, upbringings, and backgrounds, all create beautifully unique, intricate individuals. Is there a bigger disservice to be done than trying to take away that individuality?

We must forget the idea of understanding women as a whole, and begin to focus on learning and understanding a woman, or any individual, for who they are. Patience, conversation, listening, and observing, are all the keys to unlocking the inner beauty of any person.


When asked “If you could send a message to the opposite sex in hopes of helping them understand you better, what would it say?” Teresa Howlett Kelly responded:

Listen ( REALLY listen) when I talk – hear me …don’t be afraid to ask questions… share your thoughts with me as well.. know that my past is just that …. my past.. I have no regrets- I learned lessons and am stronger and better for it ….

Jennifer Givan said:

Throw every preconceived idea you have out the window about women. Get to know me for who I am and don’t try to make me into someone I’m not.

Victoria Danielle:

Make an effort to make me feel special from time to time because there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. It would be nice to feel appreciated. It really is the little things that count!

And finally, wise words from Rolanda Noguera:

If you want me(women) to respect you as a man, then give that same respect. Communicate honestly but not in a hurtful way. Understand that every woman is different. Whether we’re Ultra feminine to laid back plain Jane. But deep down inside we ALL want to be romanced, respected.

Feel like you will use your strength to protect us, not hurt us. Know that you are a Man of your word and also to feel wanted,  adored.  If I could find a man like that I would be the happiest woman in the world and he would be my heart and soul.


Women are not as complicated as we think. They want to be loved, cared for, and respected. But each of those words means something different to every one of them – and it is our job to discover those individual meanings.

The returned love, respect, and adoration of the woman you care about will increase your happiness on your good days and light the way through your bad days.

By trying to group women together, we do ourselves as much as a disservice as we do them. We take away their beautiful individuality, and we also rob ourselves of the unparalleled joy of experiencing their uniqueness.

Embrace their individuality, as you embrace your own.

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  1. Steve Horsmon on December 8, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Nice one, James!

    Yes, everyone should be respected as an individual. But…

    I strongly believe that men should be comfortable with a few, well proven generalizations about women and decide if they WANT to be a man who cares about those things.

    For example: (As Rolanda pointed out)

    “But deep down inside we ALL want to be romanced, respected.”

    A man can LEARN the basics of how women experience romance and feel respect. Then he can decide to become a man who wants to create those feelings for her.

    He can spend more time on your site to help him with this!

    Why is asking a woman not always the best route? I’ve heard more than one woman client say, “If I have to explain to him HOW to be romantic and respectful he will probably never get it.”

    It’s like getting an amazingly loving back scratch without having to ask for it. Know what I mean, guys?

    • athenarcarson9 on December 8, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      “I strongly believe that men should be comfortable with a few, well proven generalizations about women”

      Here’s a generalization for you – if she DOESN’T want to be asked what she wants / needs and instead wants you to intuit based on existent or nonexistent subtle clues from her, she is not mature enough for a relationship of any length or depth.

      • Steve Horsmon on December 9, 2014 at 3:48 pm

        “she is not mature enough for a relationship of any length or depth.”

        Another generalization – most men and women grow well into their 80’s with fears, insecurities, and doubts that need our empathy and understanding. Mind reader? No. But choosing to accept, respect and honor that goes a long way.

  2. blamod on December 9, 2014 at 2:39 am

    Ahhhhha it s true 😉

  3. Kathryn Watkins on December 9, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Reblogged this on Kathryn Watkins/Parents in Paradise.

  4. Matt on December 15, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Communicate. Something thats often sorely lacking. I dont mind asking questions but I will take it upon myself to extrapolate things she likes and make the attempt to show her my appreciation in those ways. Even if im wrong in the attempt, she will understand my effort and help me tweak it for better success next time.

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