10 Signs You Need To Break Up

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I am often approached with questions regarding how someone is acting in a relationship. I also hear and observe stories about people who are generally unhappy, and some of them are heartbreaking.

I understand any life change is difficult, especially break ups. There are circumstances involved, perhaps children, apartments, maybe a pet, friendship with family members, it’s not just cut and dry.

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Challenges in a relationship are normal – I often speak of the importance of commitment and how there are many out there who do not seem to value it in ways that allow for long term relationships to thrive. While I have, and would again – stand by a woman through any challenge or difficult set of circumstances life brings her/our way, I believe it is also important to note that this does not mean sacrificing your dignity or self respect in order to salvage a relationship that you would be better off walking away from.

Here are 10 signs that signal you need to take some sort of action towards parting ways, in no particular order.

They cheated.

I hold a controversial opinion here because some people think that second chances are acceptable. I, on the other hand, think that if someone discarded your feelings enough to cheat on you once, they’ll do it again. There is no excuse for it, and you deserve better.

You cheated.

We live in a world full of temptation, I understand. Beautiful women, handsome persuasive men, but that’s the thing about commitment…it requires you to actually commit to one person. If you are completely closed off to the possibility of cheating, as you should be, then nobody’s advances will even phase you.

You owe it to your partner to give them the opportunity to be with someone faithful.

You argue more than you converse.

Are arguments getting more and more frequent in your relationship? Do you find yourself sulking around, avoiding their texts, and almost dreading going home from work? This is no way to live…no matter how much you “love” someone, if they make you miserable more than they make you happy, you need to let them go.

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You find yourself making excuses for them.

Do you justify their actions to your friends or family? Even worse – are you justifying their actions to yourself? Making excuses for the way someone is consistently falling short in a relationship really means that you’re aware of the problems, but aren’t willing to admit them. The first step towards happiness is being honest with yourself – never lose that.

You’ve changed, and not for the better.

It has been said that a sign of a healthy relationship is when the other person brings out the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are. The converse is also true, if someone’s presence in your life makes you generally irritable, short-tempered, or just generally unhappy – the only way to eliminate the problem is to cut the source of it out of your life.

They continue making the same mistakes.

A second chance means nothing if they haven’t learned from their first mistake. Someone who keeps promising to change or do things differently, but repeatedly doesn’t, is showing you a clear pattern that you need to recognize. If these are issues that are causing problems for you or your life, it may be time to walk away.

They’ve stopped trying. 

If the gestures of love and appreciation stop completely, then what have you got? A committed friendship? A life of quiet desperation leaving you with a yearning for love while still in a relationship? That’s not the way it should be, and it’s not the way it has to be.

You know you’ve found a quality partner when they keep showing you how much you mean to them…long after they’ve got you.

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You have to keep working for their approval.

The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.

You always feel guilty, but don’t know why.

Is your partner always making you feel as though you did something wrong, but you genuinely can’t understand why? There are people who literally seek out and find issues, and when they can’t find one – they create them. This is not the type of person who will change out of the blue and you need to get away from them.

There is any form of abuse.

Yes, this one should go without saying, but the reason why it needs to be said is that physical violence is not the only kind of abuse. Mental and emotional mistreatment is just as bad in its own way. Never be with someone who makes you feel inadequate. They are merely projecting their own insecurities onto you so you don’t feel worthy of better, and won’t have the confidence to leave. It will not get better.

If there is physical abuse, you need to leave at the first sign of it. Tell someone, take action. Do not wait.

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Be honest with yourself when it’s time to move on, and never regret ending a relationship with someone who didn’t truly value you in the first place.

It is better to be single and only accept the love you truly deserve, than to commit yourself to negative relationships along the way that will make you feel worthless or unwanted. Sometimes burning bridges isn’t a bad thing – it prevents you from going back to somewhere you shouldn’t have been in the first place.

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10 Comments

  1. ilovechloejames on November 30, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    Reblogged this on ilovechloejames.

  2. Mo on November 30, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    Reblogged this on Authentic Love: God, Relationships, and Life.

  3. Brian on November 30, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    James,
    Can you write an article on ” 10 signs you need to be more confident.”? Thanks man. I’m a big fan, appreciate you view on relationships and our role as men.

  4. skullweb1 on December 1, 2014 at 5:39 am

    Thank you
    Fantastic Blog
    Good luck
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  5. Leadership, Weight loss, and Discovery for 1 on December 3, 2014 at 4:58 am

    Reblogged this on Leadership, Weight Loss and Discovery for 1!.

  6. Linda on February 2, 2015 at 12:18 am

    Powerful. I so needed to hear this tonight. Great Blog! I’m so glad I stumbled upon it.

  7. Becca on February 4, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    That last one is so very important. Many people aren’t even aware that verbal/emotional abuse is a thing, and consequently they tolerate years of misery, never knowing why and possibly even thinking it’s their own fault. People who engage in abuse of this kind, when confronted, may not even be aware that what they are doing is wrong (or they may refuse to see it). There is a wealth of information available on the subject. If there is ANY doubt in one’s mind as to what constitutes abuse, anything by Patricia Evans is a good place to start. Awareness is the first step, and much more needs to be said about it, I think.

    Great article as always, James. Much appreciated.

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  9. Marina on April 7, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    Mmmmm, I’m not 100% in agreement with all of these. I’m usually very cut-throat about relationships, but not all of these rules apply when talking about emotional people. If you factor in a long term relationship and life’s many changes, some of these issues are bound to come up eventually and the quality of the relationship, I think, is based on how you can handle these issues. It’s all about communication. If someone is making you feel guilty, you should tell them. And then you can use the second chances rule.. you know?
    http://www.marinasays.com

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