I honestly cannot tell you how much it surprises me to see, read, and hear about the constant drama that happens in some people’s lives. It is almost as if there is constant chaos. Constant conflict. Constant clashing…with the opposite sex.
I never really understood this because I never really experienced it. Even when I was younger and not very good with women (I was a late…late bloomer) I still got along with them. I may have been ‘just a friend’ but at least I was a friend. I never had arguments or real disagreements or blowouts with them.
And, I still don’t. In fact there are days that I wonder if I get along better with women than I do with men. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life.
Naturally then – I have a hard time comprehending how men and women have so many problems with each other. This is certainly not to say that I never have disagreements with people. I of course have my own opinions and they are not always shared by others, but there is typically a civil discourse when discussing the differences.
I used to work at a bank and there were a few attractive regular customers who would come in. We would often flirt and have friendly conversations and they would go about their day. I even went out with one or two of them. One of my colleagues would always ask me how I ‘got away’ with the things I said to them and joke that he would get slapped if he was ever that flirty.
If I come across someone who I want to pay a compliment to in public, I do it, they smile, enthusiastically thank me and we each go our own ways. I don’t ever find myself being ignored or ending up in a viral catcalling video…but why?
This certainly does not mean that I am some sort of ‘woman whisperer’ and I am definitely not an expert of any kind. So, how could it possibly be that I find myself always having positive interactions with women? The answer is simple:
I respect them.
I don’t respect women as women. I don’t respect them as someone’s daughter or cousin or sister. I respect them as human beings and I treat them as such. I see no division between the level of respect I show to a human being based on their gender. I will naturally approach and speak to a woman differently than I would a man, but the demeanor is always the same: Kind, calm, and respectful.
I think if more men understood that women will return the same level of respect and kindness that we show to them, there would be a lot less drama in the world. It’s really not that difficult.
Don’t stare awkwardly. Don’t say unnecessarily crude things to get her attention which will actually give you the exact opposite result that you want. Don’t be selfish. Be genuinely interested in her on dates. Ask her questions, read her body language and mirror it. Use her own language back to her.
By this I mean, everyone has different ways of communicating. We have different phrases and words and ways of speaking that inherently mean something to us that they don’t to other people. If we really pay attention and listen to the ways women communicate with us, we can then communicate back to them using the same phraseology or words (women can do this with men, too). As a result, we will reach them on a much deeper level while gaining their trust, affection, and respect. Simply because we have worked to show it to them, first.
We have to give respect if we expect to get it. We can’t be harsh, abrasive, uninterested, disrespectful, or just apathetic – and expect to be rewarded for it. Women are naturally guarded because of all of the men who don’t realize this and treat them poorly. But that is not you. You are different. You are willing to put in the effort.
Men, undoubtedly, will comment on this and ask why it’s up to us to do all of the work. Well, it’s not. While we are learning new information about the woman we are interested in it is up to us to decide whether or not we want to continue courting her. Whether or not this is the type of person who we can see a future with. Who fits into our life. Whose life we fit into in return. This will require her being open and honest with you, as well.
A woman can be a man’s best friend or his biggest enemy. It just depends on how he treats her.
If you show her kindness, she will show you kindness in return. If you show her love, she will show you love in return. If you show her courtesy, she will do the same for you. If you show her respect, she will respect you in return.
Remember – it is a man’s job to respect a woman, but it is a woman’s job to give him something to respect.
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