15 Things Men Need To Learn About Women

I certainly do not claim to be an expert on any topic, let alone the topic of understanding women. If I were, there would probably be a Nobel Prize waiting somewhere for me to collect. Sadly, this is not the case.

But what I have made a habit of, is doing my best to learn about women. Whether it be through conversation or observation, there are many lessons to be learned that can help us in all areas of life – but particularly in love.


So, what are some lessons that we should pick up along our journey?

They will send you subtle signals even if they know you are oblivious.

As men, we would much rather that a woman come out and tell us what she wants and how she feels. No matter how well we can read her, there will naturally still be things that we miss and kick ourselves about later. But since men and women naturally communicate differently, her first instinct will still be to be non-verbal with you.

This leaves two responses on the man’s part: 1. Openly communicate with her consistently so she can communicate back to you. 2. Put in as much effort as you can to get to know her nuances and pick up on her cues. If it’s the right woman, you will want to work at this.

You don’t need to have sex to cheat on her.

There are a lot of men out there who will walk the tightrope of cheating under the perception that if they don’t actually sleep with someone or make intentional physical contact, “it doesn’t really count.” This is absolutely untrue.

Cheating starts the second you begin to delete text messages or save “Susie” in your phone as “Steve.” Emotional cheating is sometimes even worse than physical, and women know this.

She is strong, independent, and might even make more money than you – but she still wants you to be the man.

Men are still men and women are still women. Our biological and evolutionary compositions have given us instincts and documented psychological differences that show different desires. She might spend the day as the boss in the office, but when she gets home, she wants you to kill the spider. Open that jar of pickles. Court her. Take her on dates. Seduce her. Slay the dragon. Be her man.


She wants you to get along with her friends.

You don’t need to get on a texting basis with them (unless you’re asking them about a gift for her) and I definitely don’t mean hanging out with them casually without her around – but at least putting in a concerted effort to get along with them is important to her. Plus, her close friends can either be your best ally or your biggest enemy. You choose.

If she’s asking you a specific question, she probably already knows the answer.

Some men see this as her ‘trapping’ him into…*gasp*…telling the truth. What she’s likely actually doing is giving you a chance to be honest and tell the truth. There is a big difference between those two perceptions.

She will find out if you lie to her, eventually.

Lying to a woman is like using a credit card. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but you’re still going to have to pay for it eventually.

Foreplay is important.

It should last more than 30 seconds, dude.

If she talks to you about her problems, she’s probably not looking for a solution.

This is a difficult one for us men because our natural tendency is to try to connect the dots and find a solution to a problem. This is not what a woman wants if she begins to vent to you (unless she specifically asks).

What she really wants is for you to listen, make an effort to understand, and provide her with the support she needs to find the solution on her own.


She wants you to remember details.

As if TV sitcoms haven’t already made it enough of a joke when a husband forgets his wife’s birthday or their anniversary – we still need to bring this up. Not only important dates like this, but smaller details from day to day conversations are important to retain. I know it can be hard and it takes effort – but that’s why it means so much to her when you do it.

She wants you to be (a little) jealous and protective.

Not in a creepy possessive sort of way…but in a way that lets her know that you are there for her and are watching out for her. Even if you know she doesn’t need you to.

She loves it when you hold babies or play with children.

It’s science.

She doesn’t need you to blow hundreds of dollars on her.

If I am going to put in the effort to go on a date with a woman, I am going to do it right. No woman I’ve ever gone out with has expected to go to an expensive restaurant. If we do that, it is my choice. And then they certainly don’t expect it if we go on a second date.

The point is, many men complain about how expensive dating is or how women have an entitlement problem. In reality, they just want you to put in some effort, show them you care, and for the both of you to have a good time. It doesn’t matter how much it does (or doesn’t) cost.

She wants you to wear cologne.

But not too much.


She wants to feel safe with you.

I believe that one of the best compliments a woman can give to a man is that she feels safe with him. Protected. That she can sleep soundly next to you at night.

A woman understands that it doesn’t matter how attractive, funny, or appealing you are – if the safety is not there, nothing else matters.

She just wants to be loved.

Honestly, we have allowed our default perception to become that women are some incredibly complicated foreign creatures that nobody in the world has ever been able to decode. I believe that as unique human beings, we are all complicated in our own ways, regardless of gender.

But in the long run, women just want to be cared for, listened to, respected, and sometimes…just loved. The same as anyone else.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!



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55 thoughts on “15 Things Men Need To Learn About Women

      1. Is there an equivalent article for what women need to do for men? Where’s their to do list? Men are pulling out of the dating and marriage world due to this gynocentric culture.

      2. haha, well said James. its nice to see someone who responds civilly and finds evidence to back up their claims, instead of just starting a pointless argument.

      3. “she wants you to kill the spider. Open that jar of pickles. Court her. Take her on dates. Seduce her. Slay the dragon. Be her man.” Learning that a woman wants a man to do all this is learning to fit a gender role.

      4. gender roles yeah it’s what we are all made of if we didn’t have roles to play we would all be the boss. I for one like being a stay at home mom who has dinner on the table for her husban for when he gets home from work. I think that a relationship needs a dominant and submissive person. You just can’t have two dominant or two submissive people in a relationship it’s just not going to work. I’m so over this feminist movement and women say life isn’t far to us… I’m sorry I didn’t know we lived in 1900-50’s… I’m going off track but for a relationship to work we need to have a lead player, wether it be a women or the man we both do our parts and take turns being the dominant role… You know what I mean?

      5. Kayla – YES! You make great points. There are areas of a relationship that both people are going to be naturally better at than their partner, and they will take the dominant role in that particular area because it just makes sense.

        Thanks for summing it up so nicely.

        – James


    2. The woman this man describes is not the kind of woman I’d want to date, and certainly not what I’d want my daughter to be.

  1. Spot on with “You don’t need to have sex to cheat on her”. The same can be stated to women, “You don’t need to have sex to cheat on him.” Great article! With one exception..I’ve got to speak up for the women who have allergies…hey guys, not all women want you to wear cologne – even if it is just a little. Unless you want your date sneezing and/or using an inhaler all during your time together — skip the cologne. Here’s a hint: If you don’t smell perfume when you are around her, there’s a good chance she’s sensitive. So skip the cologne until you get to know her better.

    1. Hey Dan, thanks for your comment! Can you elaborate a little bit on exactly what ‘poor behavior’ is being promoted here, and what equal rights/treatment for men and women has to do with the article?

      Thanks for reading!

      – James

      1. Being subtle= passive-aggressive. An indicator of immaturity and low self-esteem.
        Being helpless = immaturity and dependancy.
        Jealousy = immaturity and low self-esteem
        Complaining and whining = immaturity, and laziness.
        Sorry, but the woman who has these traits is a spoiled princess or other childish creature. If that’s what you want, power to ya, but I sure wouldn’t want my daughter to be that woman, how about you?

  2. Great article!

    James, It is also nice to see when someone disagrees with something you said you answer/respond respectively and in no way disrespectful, it is not often that you see that!

  3. Wow. The comments about gender roles are spot on. This article is terribly sexist. The author should probably take it down if he wants to be taken seriously.

  4. What Bullshit! I am sick and tired hearing about how men should treat women. Women need a lesson on how they should treat men. I see more men being mistreated than I do women. Besides all people are different. What one person wants another will find disgusting.

    1. Hi Ross!

      Thanks so much for your comment, can you elaborate a bit on what about this list you think is bullshit? The women reading it seem to be in full agreement regarding its accuracy. I would be curious to learn which parts you think are incorrect.

      As for the “lessons” you say women need about men (learning about us, etc), there are plenty of articles regarding that as well:






      Thanks so much for reading, and looking forward to further discussion!


      – James

  5. Does no one grasp the meaning of this page? It’s called the “NEW chivalry movement” for a reason. His points (great points, I might add) are generally the same idea in every article: treat each other with respect, and let love develop naturally through old school courtship and great communication. Men, at one time, generally took the lead on this role. He is also a man so his articles being geared more towards men makes a lot of sense. Not all women want to be independent and strong all the time, and neither do all men. Finding a partner that can balance your strengths and weaknesses and treat you with respect is not sexist or feminist, etc. It’s a near extinct relationship practice that I, personally, feel needs to be revived. I am a woman. There are certain things I cannot do that I would absolutely allow a man to do for me. It saves me time and a lot of frustration! That doesn’t make me weak or any less independent. It makes me human. Although, I can open a jar of pickles by myself, thank you very much. 😉

  6. This whole article was sexist, patronizing, and downright insulting to women
    1. No, I don’t do the subtle thing. What a waste! Passive-aggressive behaviour is a sign of immaturity and low self-esteem. A huge red flag.
    2. “Emotional” cheating? What sort of Oprah bullshit is that? Cheating is having sexual contact with someone without your partners blessing. Period.
    3. No, I can kill my own spiders and shit. I don’t need to coddled like a fucking infant, thanks.
    4. I don’t like most of his friends, why should he care about mine? Just don’t talk to them!
    5. If I ask a specific question, I want a specific answer. Why would I waste time on something as unproductive as whining and bitching?
    6. Depends on how smart you are. Maybe I’ll find out, maybe not.
    7. Probably the only thing this guy got right.
    Learn what a clitoris is!
    8. If I WASN’T looking for a solution, why would I discuss my problems? Once again, why waste time on unproductive bitching?
    9. If I can’t remember details, why would I expect him to? If he needs to remember something he’ll write it down, just like I do. I personally think birthdays are for children, so I don’t care if he remembers.
    10. Jealousy is an indicator of immaturity. I don’t understand why any woman would want a teenager? And I can protect myself, thanks. Once again, I’m a grown adult, not a helpless child.
    11. If he holds a baby, it means I don’t have to hold it. Win for me!
    12. Maybe something else the authour got right. I have my own money. I’ll buy my own shit.
    13. I don’t care . Really.
    14 & 15. Yup, I do wanna feel safe and feel loved. But it’s not his job to do that. That’s comes from self-confidence and a sense of worth.

    1. Cheers Heather, you seem to be the only sane person here.

      Basically, while some people give a f*** about certain things, others won’t care – nevermind their freakin’ gender. It seems obscure, and highly illogical, to summarise the wants and needs of someone based on their gender. Cause people are different, they want different things (I thought that idea had entered mainstream culture by now). I would like to shorten the article to: ‘If you want to know what is important to a women, ask her what is important to her.’


      You: Is it important that I’m friends with your friends?
      She: Yes.
      You: Cool, I’ll make an effort then.

      You: Do you like foreplay?
      She: No. I hate it.
      You: Mh. I actually quite like it. Let’s talk about it further.

      Any person who has ever met more than one woman should know that women are different. In fact, anyone who has ever met anyone should know that it is important to ask questions about that person’s values, beliefs, experiences, expectations, background, etc. to get along with that person.

      The author should probably have thought and considered these things.

      *these are just examples. As anyone knows who ever had a conversation with anyone: conversation can go into multiple direction which are dependent and determined by the speakers.

  7. Very well written. A lot of the points that you made have been lost with time. I noticed the disagreement above, a bit rash in my opinion. The first point, regarding communication, perfectly sums up the most important part of all relationships, communication. I don’t think this is patronizing in the least. It is actually based on common courtesy, respect, and mutual admiration for one another. It is about making an effort. That is the bottom line. Every point is based on the idea that the significant other is making an effort to accommodate you. If you don’t want any of this, then that is your job to communicate it. Anyway, great post! Certainly gained a subscriber! Thanks, man!

  8. Also men you need to know women hate being in the friend zone as much as you do the only thing is we won’t tolerate it so gentleman never expect a girl to be your friend your not entitled to it

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