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15 Things Men Need To Learn About Women

FREE E-BOOK: 15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN

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I certainly do not claim to be an expert on any topic, let alone the topic of understanding women. If I were, there would probably be a Nobel Prize waiting somewhere for me to collect. Sadly, this is not the case.

But what I have made a habit of, is doing my best to learn about women. Whether it be through conversation or observation, there are many lessons to be learned that can help us in all areas of life – but particularly in love.

So, what are some lessons that we should pick up along our journey?

They will send you subtle signals even if they know you are oblivious.

As men, we would much rather that a woman come out and tell us what she wants and how she feels. No matter how well we can read her, there will naturally still be things that we miss and kick ourselves about later. But since men and women naturally communicate differently, her first instinct will still be to be non-verbal with you.

This leaves two responses on the man’s part: 1. Openly communicate with her consistently so she can communicate back to you. 2. Put in as much effort as you can to get to know her nuances and pick up on her cues. If it’s the right woman, you will want to work at this.

You don’t need to have sex to cheat on her.

There are a lot of men out there who will walk the tightrope of cheating under the perception that if they don’t actually sleep with someone or make intentional physical contact, “it doesn’t really count.” This is absolutely untrue.

Cheating starts the second you begin to delete text messages or save “Susie” in your phone as “Steve.” Emotional cheating is sometimes even worse than physical, and women know this.

She is strong, independent, and might even make more money than you – but she still wants you to be the man.

Men are still men and women are still women. Our biological and evolutionary compositions have given us instincts and documented psychological differences that show different desires. She might spend the day as the boss in the office, but when she gets home, she wants you to kill the spider. Open that jar of pickles. Court her. Take her on dates. Seduce her. Slay the dragon. Be her man.

She wants you to get along with her friends.

You don’t need to get on a texting basis with them (unless you’re asking them about a gift for her) and I definitely don’t mean hanging out with them casually without her around – but at least putting in a concerted effort to get along with them is important to her. Plus, her close friends can either be your best ally or your biggest enemy. You choose.

If she’s asking you a specific question, she probably already knows the answer.

Some men see this as her ‘trapping’ him into…*gasp*…telling the truth. What she’s likely actually doing is giving you a chance to be honest and tell the truth. There is a big difference between those two perceptions.

She will find out if you lie to her, eventually.

Lying to a woman is like using a credit card. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but you’re still going to have to pay for it eventually.

Foreplay is important.

It should last more than 30 seconds, dude.

If she talks to you about her problems, she’s probably not looking for a solution.

This is a difficult one for us men because our natural tendency is to try to connect the dots and find a solution to a problem. This is not what a woman wants if she begins to vent to you (unless she specifically asks).

What she really wants is for you to listen, make an effort to understand, and provide her with the support she needs to find the solution on her own.

She wants you to remember details.

As if TV sitcoms haven’t already made it enough of a joke when a husband forgets his wife’s birthday or their anniversary – we still need to bring this up. Not only important dates like this, but smaller details from day to day conversations are important to retain. I know it can be hard and it takes effort – but that’s why it means so much to her when you do it.

She wants you to be (a little) jealous and protective.

Not in a creepy possessive sort of way…but in a way that lets her know that you are there for her and are watching out for her. Even if you know she doesn’t need you to.

She loves it when you hold babies or play with children.

It’s science.

She doesn’t need you to blow hundreds of dollars on her.

If I am going to put in the effort to go on a date with a woman, I am going to do it right. No woman I’ve ever gone out with has expected to go to an expensive restaurant. If we do that, it is my choice. And then they certainly don’t expect it if we go on a second date.

The point is, many men complain about how expensive dating is or how women have an entitlement problem. In reality, they just want you to put in some effort, show them you care, and for the both of you to have a good time. It doesn’t matter how much it does (or doesn’t) cost.

She wants you to wear cologne.

But not too much.

She wants to feel safe with you.

I believe that one of the best compliments a woman can give to a man is that she feels safe with him. Protected. That she can sleep soundly next to you at night.

A woman understands that it doesn’t matter how attractive, funny, or appealing you are – if the safety is not there, nothing else matters.

She just wants to be loved.

Honestly, we have allowed our default perception to become that women are some incredibly complicated foreign creatures that nobody in the world has ever been able to decode. I believe that as unique human beings, we are all complicated in our own ways, regardless of gender.

But in the long run, women just want to be cared for, listened to, respected, and sometimes…just loved. The same as anyone else.

_______________________________________

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55 Comments

  1. […] “I love how you make me feel…” until I ran across two blogs penned by James Michael Sama: 15 Things Men Need To Learn About Women and Men Need Love Too: 13 Things He Wants To Hear. Often, we may focus on the negative statements […]

  2. Jules on November 6, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Spot on

  3. Life in Technicolor on November 6, 2014 at 9:27 am

    You nailed it!

  4. christianliving2014 on November 9, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Great write! Completely true!

  5. Jose Javier Garde (@jose_garde) on November 20, 2014 at 9:46 am

    I like the article, i think is true.

  6. Ian on November 26, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    Great, let’s complain about gender roles in society and then promote them as a thing men need to learn…

    • Kevin on December 15, 2014 at 3:53 am

      Exactly what I was thinking…

    • James Michael Sama on February 2, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Ian, what exactly is the relation between gender roles and putting in effort to learn about the opposite sex?

      • VS on February 3, 2015 at 1:07 am

        Is there an equivalent article for what women need to do for men? Where’s their to do list? Men are pulling out of the dating and marriage world due to this gynocentric culture.



      • felic on February 3, 2015 at 10:58 am

        haha, well said James. its nice to see someone who responds civilly and finds evidence to back up their claims, instead of just starting a pointless argument.



      • Adam Komar on February 4, 2015 at 4:30 pm

        “she wants you to kill the spider. Open that jar of pickles. Court her. Take her on dates. Seduce her. Slay the dragon. Be her man.” Learning that a woman wants a man to do all this is learning to fit a gender role.



      • James Michael Sama on February 4, 2015 at 4:31 pm

        Thousands of women have commented favorably to this article. Perhaps some ‘gender roles’ have validity – ever take that into consideration?



      • Kayla on February 6, 2015 at 11:37 am

        gender roles yeah it’s what we are all made of if we didn’t have roles to play we would all be the boss. I for one like being a stay at home mom who has dinner on the table for her husban for when he gets home from work. I think that a relationship needs a dominant and submissive person. You just can’t have two dominant or two submissive people in a relationship it’s just not going to work. I’m so over this feminist movement and women say life isn’t far to us… I’m sorry I didn’t know we lived in 1900-50’s… I’m going off track but for a relationship to work we need to have a lead player, wether it be a women or the man we both do our parts and take turns being the dominant role… You know what I mean?



      • James Michael Sama on February 6, 2015 at 11:39 am

        Kayla – YES! You make great points. There are areas of a relationship that both people are going to be naturally better at than their partner, and they will take the dominant role in that particular area because it just makes sense.

        Thanks for summing it up so nicely.

        – James



    • CARISSA on February 4, 2015 at 7:50 pm

      2 ARE NOT ENTIRELY TRUE THAT HE SAID ABOUT FOREPLAY AND PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES SEX IS NICE WITHOUT FOREPLAY, AND SOMETIMES WE ARE LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Heather on February 27, 2015 at 9:41 am

      The woman this man describes is not the kind of woman I’d want to date, and certainly not what I’d want my daughter to be.

  7. Jaime on December 14, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    100% spot on. Love this!

  8. dawn on December 18, 2014 at 7:39 am

    Well written, and very true.

  9. Kali on January 8, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    We love when you hold babies!

  10. RebekahLJones on February 2, 2015 at 9:36 pm

    Spot on with “You don’t need to have sex to cheat on her”. The same can be stated to women, “You don’t need to have sex to cheat on him.” Great article! With one exception..I’ve got to speak up for the women who have allergies…hey guys, not all women want you to wear cologne – even if it is just a little. Unless you want your date sneezing and/or using an inhaler all during your time together — skip the cologne. Here’s a hint: If you don’t smell perfume when you are around her, there’s a good chance she’s sensitive. So skip the cologne until you get to know her better.

  11. […] James Michael Sama / November 5, 2014 […]

  12. boredwithpcos on February 3, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Here’s another: she wants you to help with household chores, or at the very least make her feel appreciated for doing it!

  13. Vegan Hippie on February 4, 2015 at 12:19 am

    Reblogged this on Vegan Hippie.

  14. Alexandra on February 4, 2015 at 8:33 am

    Marry me!

  15. amy on February 4, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    WOW! i’m impressed by your insight :p

  16. Dan on February 6, 2015 at 10:07 am

    Another senseless article promoting poor behavior in women. Thanks feminism!

    • James Michael Sama on February 6, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Hey Dan, thanks for your comment! Can you elaborate a little bit on exactly what ‘poor behavior’ is being promoted here, and what equal rights/treatment for men and women has to do with the article?

      Thanks for reading!

      – James

      • Nochole on February 25, 2015 at 11:59 am

        I was wondering the same, good questions.



      • Heather on February 27, 2015 at 9:39 am

        Being subtle= passive-aggressive. An indicator of immaturity and low self-esteem.
        Being helpless = immaturity and dependancy.
        Jealousy = immaturity and low self-esteem
        Complaining and whining = immaturity, and laziness.
        Sorry, but the woman who has these traits is a spoiled princess or other childish creature. If that’s what you want, power to ya, but I sure wouldn’t want my daughter to be that woman, how about you?



  17. Ashley on February 6, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    Great article!

    James, It is also nice to see when someone disagrees with something you said you answer/respond respectively and in no way disrespectful, it is not often that you see that!

  18. Risles on February 8, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Reblogged this on Adventure of a Lifetime .

  19. Steve on February 26, 2015 at 1:08 am

    Wow. The comments about gender roles are spot on. This article is terribly sexist. The author should probably take it down if he wants to be taken seriously.

  20. Ross LaRosa on February 26, 2015 at 9:56 am

    What Bullshit! I am sick and tired hearing about how men should treat women. Women need a lesson on how they should treat men. I see more men being mistreated than I do women. Besides all people are different. What one person wants another will find disgusting.

  21. Nikki on February 26, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Does no one grasp the meaning of this page? It’s called the “NEW chivalry movement” for a reason. His points (great points, I might add) are generally the same idea in every article: treat each other with respect, and let love develop naturally through old school courtship and great communication. Men, at one time, generally took the lead on this role. He is also a man so his articles being geared more towards men makes a lot of sense. Not all women want to be independent and strong all the time, and neither do all men. Finding a partner that can balance your strengths and weaknesses and treat you with respect is not sexist or feminist, etc. It’s a near extinct relationship practice that I, personally, feel needs to be revived. I am a woman. There are certain things I cannot do that I would absolutely allow a man to do for me. It saves me time and a lot of frustration! That doesn’t make me weak or any less independent. It makes me human. Although, I can open a jar of pickles by myself, thank you very much. 😉

  22. Heather on February 27, 2015 at 9:22 am

    This whole article was sexist, patronizing, and downright insulting to women
    1. No, I don’t do the subtle thing. What a waste! Passive-aggressive behaviour is a sign of immaturity and low self-esteem. A huge red flag.
    2. “Emotional” cheating? What sort of Oprah bullshit is that? Cheating is having sexual contact with someone without your partners blessing. Period.
    3. No, I can kill my own spiders and shit. I don’t need to coddled like a fucking infant, thanks.
    4. I don’t like most of his friends, why should he care about mine? Just don’t talk to them!
    5. If I ask a specific question, I want a specific answer. Why would I waste time on something as unproductive as whining and bitching?
    6. Depends on how smart you are. Maybe I’ll find out, maybe not.
    7. Probably the only thing this guy got right.
    Learn what a clitoris is!
    8. If I WASN’T looking for a solution, why would I discuss my problems? Once again, why waste time on unproductive bitching?
    9. If I can’t remember details, why would I expect him to? If he needs to remember something he’ll write it down, just like I do. I personally think birthdays are for children, so I don’t care if he remembers.
    10. Jealousy is an indicator of immaturity. I don’t understand why any woman would want a teenager? And I can protect myself, thanks. Once again, I’m a grown adult, not a helpless child.
    11. If he holds a baby, it means I don’t have to hold it. Win for me!
    12. Maybe something else the authour got right. I have my own money. I’ll buy my own shit.
    13. I don’t care . Really.
    14 & 15. Yup, I do wanna feel safe and feel loved. But it’s not his job to do that. That’s comes from self-confidence and a sense of worth.

    • Scott on May 18, 2015 at 3:42 am

      nicely said!
      thank you!

    • Kevin on October 24, 2015 at 7:34 pm

      Cheers Heather, you seem to be the only sane person here.

      Basically, while some people give a f*** about certain things, others won’t care – nevermind their freakin’ gender. It seems obscure, and highly illogical, to summarise the wants and needs of someone based on their gender. Cause people are different, they want different things (I thought that idea had entered mainstream culture by now). I would like to shorten the article to: ‘If you want to know what is important to a women, ask her what is important to her.’

      e.g.*

      You: Is it important that I’m friends with your friends?
      She: Yes.
      You: Cool, I’ll make an effort then.

      You: Do you like foreplay?
      She: No. I hate it.
      You: Mh. I actually quite like it. Let’s talk about it further.

      Any person who has ever met more than one woman should know that women are different. In fact, anyone who has ever met anyone should know that it is important to ask questions about that person’s values, beliefs, experiences, expectations, background, etc. to get along with that person.

      The author should probably have thought and considered these things.

      *these are just examples. As anyone knows who ever had a conversation with anyone: conversation can go into multiple direction which are dependent and determined by the speakers.

  23. Brandon Hamilton on February 27, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Very well written. A lot of the points that you made have been lost with time. I noticed the disagreement above, a bit rash in my opinion. The first point, regarding communication, perfectly sums up the most important part of all relationships, communication. I don’t think this is patronizing in the least. It is actually based on common courtesy, respect, and mutual admiration for one another. It is about making an effort. That is the bottom line. Every point is based on the idea that the significant other is making an effort to accommodate you. If you don’t want any of this, then that is your job to communicate it. Anyway, great post! Certainly gained a subscriber! Thanks, man!

  24. […] I think if men would sit down and have meaningful conversations with women, to find out what makes them tick, what their passions and desires are, they would realize in reality, women aren’t really that complicated. […]

  25. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  26. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  27. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  28. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  29. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  30. […] The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort. […]

  31. […] 男性視点で恋愛を切り取る人気ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏。氏のブログの反響の大きさは、続々と寄せられるコメント数からも察しがつきます。意外にも、女性からの支持の高さが彼の人気を支えているのかも。 男性に向けて書かれたこの記事も、女性の納得感を得るのに十分な内容では? […]

  32. […] 男性視点で恋愛を切り取る人気ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏。氏のブログの反響の大きさは、続々と寄せられるコメント数からも察しがつきます。意外にも、女性からの支持の高さが彼の人気を支えているのかも。 男性に向けて書かれたこの記事も、女性の納得感を得るのに十分な内容では? […]

  33. […] 男性視点で恋愛を切り取る人気ブロガーJames Michael Sama氏。氏のブログの反響の大きさは、続々と寄せられるコメント数からも察しがつきます。意外にも、女性からの支持の高さが彼の人気を支えているのかも。 男性に向けて書かれたこの記事も、女性の納得感を得るのに十分な内容では? […]

  34. harniat on January 28, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    why not saying watching porn is cheated for a woman 😀 buahahahhaaa!

  35. […] I think if men would sit down and have meaningful conversations with women, to find out what makes them tick, what their passions and desires are, they would realize in reality, women aren’t really that complicated. […]

  36. Lauren on January 25, 2017 at 10:19 pm

    Also men you need to know women hate being in the friend zone as much as you do the only thing is we won’t tolerate it so gentleman never expect a girl to be your friend your not entitled to it

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