Why You Shouldn’t Give Up On Love

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[social_warfare]

Love hurts.

Love stinks.

Love sucks.

…No, it doesn’t.

Being betrayed, cheated on, lied to, broken up with, thinking someone is different than they are – those things all suck. Love, does not.

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Our generation has a considerably difficult time finding love. As I have discussed before, instant gratification and a culture that is seemingly valuing monogamy less and less is making many of us question if there really are any good people left who want the same things we do. It tends to be that effort put into a relationship ends up being one-sided, and those on the giving end repeatedly seem to associate the disappointment with the emotion of love itself.

Heartache is natural. Failed relationships are natural. And often times, associating the pain of heartbreak with relationships themselves, is also natural. But this is to fall into the trap of just assuming that putting yourself out there will always eventually mean getting hurt. And, sadly, this is very often true.

So then, what is the point? If a relationship is just going to end and cause you pain, why enter into it in the first place? Would it not be smarter to stay closed off and eliminate all risk?

Consider for a moment going to see a movie, hearing a symphony, reading a book, or enjoying a nice dinner. We enter into all of these experiences with the clear knowledge that they have an end – yet we still crave them. Why?

Because they bring beauty to our lives. They open our minds and our hearts and add another layer to us as human beings. To refuse the experience because it will eventually end is to rob yourself of all of the good that it brings.

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The same goes for relationships. To build walls around our hearts is to, possibly, keep out pain. But it will also very likely keep out happiness. When we make our best attempts to protect ourselves from people who may hurt us we also fail to let them get far enough to determine if they may actually make us happy.

We need to experience this heartbreak because it opens our eyes to what we do and don’t want in a future partner. We need to allow ourselves to be (somewhat) emotionally vulnerable because that is how we form a bond with someone. A connection that cannot be forged through a wall of armor. It is a risk, but without it, there is no reward.

Love is one of the strongest driving forces for humanity. We pursue it and crave it from family, friends, and significant others. It is what attaches us to other humans on the deepest level. This is not because it hurts. This is because it lifts us up and makes us feel invincible. Like we want to be the best versions of ourselves and bring happiness to the life of another.

Do not confuse love with betrayal or being hurt. That is the end of a temporary infatuation that was masquerading as love.

The ‘dating game’ is akin to playing the lottery. You may have to lose quite a bit before you actually win – but winning itself is impossible if you never play. We may spend years with the wrong people. We may spend months giving someone a chance who ends up walking away. We may spend much of our lives wondering if the person who appreciates us is really out there – but we must realize that no relationship is ever a waste of time. If it did not bring us what we wanted, it helped teach us what we did not want.

When we finally do make it through the forest and into the clearing where the right person is waiting, we will proudly say it was all worthwhile.

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Minimize the pain you feel by not giving away too much of yourself emotionally too soon. Love is not an overnight occurrence. It is not a word to be thrown around with people you just met. It is something that builds over time and bonds people together. If we let it.

“It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does?”

– Peter McWilliams

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11 Comments

  1. Faith_and_hope on October 8, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    Reblogged this on My Own little world of random thinking and commented:
    Good read

  2. sharon on October 8, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    oh wow never thought of it that way..thanks

  3. Dikembe on October 8, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Consider for a moment going to see a movie, hearing a symphony, reading a book, or enjoying a nice dinner. We enter into all of these experiences with the clear knowledge that they have an end – yet we still crave them. Why?

    I agree with most of what you said…but you cant compare this activities to love…when you enter love and you have been hurt before you dont want it to happen again. When you go to see a movie, read a book, etc, you never end the experience with pain or suffering. Thats just not the same…by far.

    I do have to say i agree and support your writing. Read it every day, keep it up and thanks for the message you are trying to deliver.

  4. […] magic radiating off of them? If it’s palpable to you, imagine what they’re feeling! Believe that you can have that too. But you’re not going to get it if you’re looking for an instant connection in the […]

  5. isabellamitchell14 on October 15, 2014 at 5:17 am

    I agree 100%. I remember a friend saying to me
    after a horrendous break up-it’s better to have loved and lost then to never have experienced it. vey cliche but oh so true. loving relationships do, like you said, bring so much beauty into our lives and absolutely open our minds and our hearts and add another layer to us as humans… they crake us open, make us vulnerable and aware of our emotions and insecurities and bring us closer to who we want to be, how we want to live our lives and what we do and don’t want in a partner. well said 😄

  6. Links Of The Week – October 24, 2014 | A Long Run on October 24, 2014 at 10:43 am

    […] Why You Shouldn’t Give Up On Love […]

  7. Why You Shouldn't Give Up On Love - on December 6, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    […] Originally appeared at JamesMSama.com […]

  8. Kim on March 24, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    I fell in love with a player someone who had the right words and actions but never had any feeling behind anything he said or did. It was very painful when he broke up with me by text . I will think twice about giving my heart to someone . I learned only bad things in this relationship .

  9. Albert on November 25, 2018 at 10:44 am

    You have lost another good man today. I have loved. And I have lost. I’m done losing. Better to walk with open eyes in to the world and know, I’m going to walk out of this relationship a loser than ever having hope of finding true love.

    I’m done.

    I’m done loving.

    Im done feeling.

    I’m done living,

    I’d just rather accept that empty feeling in my chest and move on.

    Good guys finish last or at the end of the fucking queue for the girls we fall in love love with. END OF FUCKING STORY.

    There is no such thing as a good guy or a decent guy.

    And there’s no such thing in true love. I believed it till about a few hours ago.

    We are here or we are not. The good men and good guys are at the fucking back of the queue.

    Please stop writing shit like this on the Internet. It gives people false hopes.

    • James Michael Sama on November 28, 2018 at 4:20 pm

      Albert,

      I am terribly sorry to hear about the pain you’re experiencing right now. I think that everyone who reads your comment (including myself) can relate to the feeling.

      I would encourage you to allow yourself to feel these disappointments but not live in them. Use the next few weeks of your life to reflect and to chart a positive course for yourself. Understand how things fell apart with this relationship and how you can bring lessons forward with you.

      It’s difficult for me to reply with too much detail since I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but I want to let you know that you are not alone in what you’re going through and you’ve got a community of people who support you and DO appreciate your willingness to continue being a good man.

      Please don’t change who you are because of the actions of someone else who disappointed you. These are the times when you really learn who you are – and if being a genuinely goodhearted person IS who you are (which I hope it is), then that is always the Albert who will win in the end.

      Keep fighting,

      – James

  10. Albert on November 25, 2018 at 10:52 am

    Last one. You are a fucking wanker to be writing this shit on the Internet and the good men project. Shame on you.

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