15 Things She Wishes You Would Realize


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Women have an almost unshakable reputation for being difficult to understand. Some will admit that they don’t always blame men for not being able to understand them because sometimes they don’t even understand themselves. But, don’t we all feel this way sometimes?

If we really take the time and put in the effort to have deep meaningful conversations with each other and open ourselves up to really listening, there are a few things we pick up along the way.

Here are fifteen things women wish men would realize.



Not all women are dying to be in a relationship.

There is sort of a ‘damsel in distress’ stigma that follows women around implying that they all need, or want, to be saved from some miserable life of singlehood. Not only is that not true, it’s 2015…so it’s definitely not true. Today’s women are bold and intelligent enough to understand that being with the wrong person will make you feel more alone than being single does, so they hold out for what they deserve.

If you didn’t call, you better tell her why.

When a man tells a woman he is going to call her, especially at a specific time, and then doesn’t – it gets classified somewhere above a mild annoyance. It’s not the actual act of not calling that bothers her, it is the fact that you said you would do something and then didn’t. At least text to keep her updated if something has changed.

They don’t want you to solve their problems for them.

If a woman complains to you about something, it does not mean she is asking for a solution unless she specifically asks your opinion on what to do. This is difficult for men because we are naturally problem-solvers, but this comes down to the nuances of how men and women communicate with each other.

For her, it means that she trusts you enough to talk to you and she wants you to give her the support she needs in order to figure out the solution herself.


She wants you to stop joking about ‘that time of the month.’

First of all, not all women get moody around a certain time of the month. And the ones that do, don’t need you bringing it up to them. So there really is no good reason to ask if this is her time of the month if she is getting upset about something unless you want to see her really pissed off.

The subtext of what you’re saying, that you might not realize, is that she is completely at the mercy of her hormones and is incapable of rationally reacting to a situation. Not exactly the best message to send to anyone.

“Hey, want to meet up for a drink?” Is not a date.

I hear this time, after time, after time from women. Obviously if you are in a relationship with someone and are working around your schedules to see each other, the rules are much different. But if you are trying to get to know someone or have just been talking online, spur of the moment invitations like this send a different message than you probably think they do.

Men probably think that she will think it’s fun and spontaneous and that it means he wants to see her so badly that he just couldn’t wait any longer – whereas women see a man who is unwilling to put in effort to actually plan and spend time with her specifically. Nobody wants to be an afterthought or just placed into your schedule at your convenience.

She is independent, but she is still a lady.

And she still wants you to be a man. Regardless of the position she holds or her level of income compared to yours, it does not give you an excuse to stop being a gentleman and treating her with love and respect. Sure, a woman can do everything by herself – but a man should always be there to help her anyway.

Open the tight jar, lift the heavy box, take her coat, fix her car. And ladies, let him do these things, it’s what makes him feel as though he is providing for you as a man, and how he shows his love.


Do not get too comfortable!

Yes, comfort is essential in a relationship in order for two people to be able to open up to each other and be emotionally honest. But like anything else in life, there are limits. Comfort should never lead you to stop trying to romance her just because you’ve ‘got’ her or treating her apartment like your own personal dorm room.

She is still your lady, not your frat brother.

Listen to what she’s not saying.

This is why men think women are complicated, but in reality it’s actually not that hard. If you have taken the time to genuinely get to know the woman you’re seeing, you should be able to pick up on non-verbal cues like body language or facial expressions. You never really understand a woman until you hear what she’s not saying to you.

Being able to read her and act accordingly will save you a lot of trouble. Read up on EQ and Emotionally Intelligence, it is very important when building a happy relationship.

She wants you to ask her for advice.

It makes her feel valued and that her opinion matters to you. It should.

You do not have to have sex in order to cheat.

Many times, men think if they haven’t actually slept with another woman, then they’re not cheating. The reality is that cheating begins when you start deleting text messages from someone else, saving Susie’s name as “Bob” in your phone, or practice any other sort of act that you wouldn’t want the woman in your life to know about.

Women understand that emotional cheating can be just as bad, if not worse than physical cheating. And they want you to realize this too.


She remembers everything.


She will always find out if you’re lying.

Lying to a woman is like using a credit card. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but you’re always going to have to pay for it eventually. Always.

She wants you to notice that small thing she changed.

When a woman puts in effort to look good for you, the last thing you should do is fail to recognize it. Did she do those things just for you? Of course not. She takes pride in her appearance whether you are around or not – but if you are the man in her life then you should notice the small details about her, regardless of what it is.

It means more than you think when you shut out the distractions.

Put the phone away, shut the laptop, and just be together. 

She just wants to feel loved.

There is no big secret when it comes to women. There is no magic trick or hidden switch you need to find in order to make her happy. Sure, women can seem complicated. But in reality they just want to be loved desired, respected, trusted, and sometimes, just listened to.

All it takes is a little effort.



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  1. margaretedent on October 2, 2014 at 11:41 am

    James, as usual, a wonderful and well thought out post, but I do have to comment on “that time of the month”. Truth is, some women ARE completely at the mercy of their hormones. Take it from one experienced woman (myself) who’s been fighting with this tormentor for the past 36 years and wished many a time she could just turn them off. There is also a physical price to pay for the privilege of being a woman and the two sides (emotional and physical) acting in tandem will certainly affect how a woman feels and reacts to the world. It makes us more sensitive. This in no way equals to not being able to be rational during that time.

    To me, making a comment about “that time of the month” shows lack of respect and almost contempt for another human being, seeing them as something inferior because of their biology.

  2. Mary Brown on October 2, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    I like your article only thing I don’t like is it be getting good n u stop writing.I guess it keeps u wanting more.:-) thanks

  3. Sherri on October 2, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Very well written article. All true.

  4. Levin Kiester on October 3, 2014 at 6:44 am

    Reblogged this on Stars Around ME and commented:

  5. Levin Kiester on October 3, 2014 at 6:52 am

    I wish they would really take “She wants you to notice that small thing she changed.” SERIOUSLY.

  6. […] James Michael Sama … and put in the effort to have deep meaningful conversations with each other and open […]

  7. Aeryn B. on October 11, 2014 at 11:00 am

    I agree 100% with the emotional cheating! Many times worse than physical cheating. And it DOES exist, just like there is physical and emotional abuse. It takes a lot longer to get over someone wanting to spend their time and effort on someone else instead of just being with you. We want you to have friends even opposite sex friends, but there is a line between hanging out with other girls and hiding/lying about where you’ve been or who you’ve been with.

  8. Paula on March 24, 2015 at 8:21 am

    If every man in this world would be open minded like you.

  9. DIY Diva Unleashed on March 24, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    Excellent post and very true…All points!

  10. Kumkazi on October 13, 2015 at 4:37 am

    No, please don’t open the tight jar for me unless I request you to,(you may offer, and if I decline…..get over it). Just because that’s how you show love doesn’t mean I should pretend to like it. Rather, find out how I want to be loved and tailor it to me, and I’ll do like wise for you. One woman’s turn on can be another woman’s turn off

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