There is a lot of dating and relationship advice floating around the internet. Whether you read Cosmopolitan or Marie Claire or Redbook or any/all of the above, women are inundated with the idea of prince charming sweeping them off of their feet.
Hell, even I write often on how I think men should act while dating and in a relationship. But there is one very important thing to keep in mind when we are filtering through all of this information: All of this is a two way street.
Modern women are empowered. They own their own businesses. They are CEO’s of major corporations. They run countries. They are (finally) being taught at younger ages to go out and get what they want out of life, when in the past only the boys were taught this mindset. But, what are they being taught when it comes to dating and relationships?
We tell them men will do all of the work. Men will ‘woo’ you. The right man will, eventually, show up and sweep you off of your feet and carry you into the sunset just because of who you are. Would I do all of these things for the right woman? Yes, of course. Does that mean she should expect me (or any other man) to just show up at her doorstep one night if she does nothing to attract or find us? Nope.
What is not being taken into account with all of this advice for women is the reality of how men think and what we are really like. The reality that we are petrified of rejection. The reality that one of the things we try to avoid at all costs is embarrassment or rejection. Or, maybe, he wants to talk to you but hasn’t gotten that one small signal he needs in order to come say hello. Then the question becomes, did you give him that signal?
But he shouldn’t need the signal. He should just come say hello. He should put in the effort. And if he doesn’t, he probably just wasn’t that interested…right?
Women, are you feeling powerless yet? Are you feeling like your life is being left up to circumstance or the chance that your prince charming will just happen to be so compelled to approach you that his white horse will trot up to your chair? How long are you supposed to wait?
I find that often times women who are unhappy being single have not taken their dating lives into their own hands. They wait, and wait, and wait.
We tell men all the time how to be better with women, but if he never feels as though he can even start a conversation with you, he will never be able to apply what he has learned.
So, what are some steps you can take in order to be more assertive, attractive to men, and approachable?
Start more conversations.
Whether you are standing in line for coffee or at the grocery store or out at a bar after work, make it a point to actually smile and say hello to someone. Set a goal for yourself. 3 men. 5 men. 1 man. Sometimes all a man needs in order to flip the switch and go from shy to charming is a ‘hello’ or a smile from you.
Give more compliments.
Do you know the last time I was given a compliment by a random woman in public? Neither do I. Men are hardly ever approached, let alone complimented by women. It will undoubtedly make his entire day no matter how small of a comment you make. This is something that women are overrun with from men on a daily basis, but it is something that we never experience. Even if you are in a rush and aren’t interested in having a full blown conversation, say something nice, smile, and be on your way.
Invite more people more places.
When I was hosting events in Boston I was constantly surrounded by people. I was out in the city multiple times per week because not only was I surrounded by people I brought together, but then everyone started getting to know each other and inviting us all places in return. Before you know it, your calendar is full of events (and potential dates).
The idea here, is to take initiative. To shake off the stigma that women need to be calm and quiet and sit by while they hope the right man will come along and approach her. I understand that women deal with the wrong types of men every day and this can make you become jaded – but instead of shutting everyone out because of it, understand the opportunity presented to find the right people by giving yourself more control over the outcome.
The 21st century woman does not sit by and let life happen around her. If she wants something, she needs to do what it takes to get it. Any man reading this can relate to the points above. Starting conversations, approaching, giving compliments, and anything related to an initial conversational spark have been in our hands our whole lives. If we do not take action, nothing happens. So, I am not saying these are easy things to do. I understand the challenge, first hand.
Happy relationships are not a right, they are a privilege. We cannot teach anyone (men or women) that you ‘deserve’ a relationship just because of who you are. We should be so lucky, am I right?
We have to get up, dress up, and go do what it takes in order to attract the people we want in our lives. Great relationships aren’t just about finding the right person, they are also about being the right person.
Smile, be open, be friendly, be social – and the right man will come to you.
And if he doesn’t – go to him.
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