One of the fundamental building blocks of any relationship is communication. Communicating wants, needs, likes or dislikes. Communicating how you feel (or don’t feel) about someone to minimize insecurities and doubts. Communicating who you are, so someone can learn more about you.
But you can communicate endlessly and it will all be meaningless if none of it is honest and genuine. I think a lot of times men have a tendency to be a little too flexible when it comes to trying to get a woman’s attention. By that I mean, they will just tell her what she wants to hear in order to get what they want or keep her around.
Here are a few things that men would be better off being straightforward about – keeping in mind that honesty is always the best policy, no matter what the topic is.
What you are looking for with a woman in general.
Are you looking for a committed relationship? Are you getting over a breakup and are exploring your options? Not the settling down type at all? One of the worst things a man can do is to give false hope to a woman by saying all of the right things and suddenly disappearing or going back on his word because he finally got what he wanted.
This is where trust issues come from.
What you are looking for with her.
This is different from the first point because, hey, maybe you really are looking for a committed relationship – but you know that this particular woman is not the one you want it with. Instead of leading her on just to keep your self-esteem up, be up front and honest. Have enough respect for her to not waste any more of her time.
“We’ll talk about it later.”
Let’s be honest, you have absolutely no intention of talking about it later, or tomorrow, or any other time. You are just trying to avoid the issue altogether in order to not have the conversation.
When you avoid conversations, you avoid addressing problems, which means you also avoid solving them. It will be less painful to just talk about it than it is to deal with the consequences of not talking about it.
“I wasn’t looking at her!”
Yes you were. And she saw you. Women understand that you will continue to look at other women when in a relationship, it’s natural and they get it. As long as it’s only looky looky and no touchy touchy.
What you want for your future.
Do you know for sure you never want to get married or have kids? Or maybe you want these things sooner rather than later. Regardless of what you want or don’t want, it is important that you let her know the truth when the subject comes up. Don’t say you want the same things she does if you really don’t, it will only create problems down the road.
“Everything is fine, really.”
Women are not the only ones who say they’re ‘fine’ when they’re not. In fact, men might actually do it more often, because we are conditioned often times to not talk about our problems or show our emotions. This is nonsense and a great way to find things getting worse because you keep everything bottled up. If she cares enough about you to tell that something is wrong, she cares enough to let you vent about it and support you.
“I’ll call you after work.”
Oh? Will you really? Do not tell a woman you are going to call her, especially at a specific time, if you don’t have the intention of actually doing it. If you do tell her, set an alarm on your phone to make sure you won’t forget.
An apology means nothing if it isn’t genuine, and she will know whether or not you were based on if you make the same mistake again or not. She also knows the second time you make a ‘mistake,’ it is now a choice. Your second chance means nothing if you haven’t learned from your first mistake.
I don’t expect you to tell a woman you’re not sorry for something bad you did, but the hope is that you understand your actions enough to put real feeling behind the word.
“I’ll still respect you in the morning.”
I can honestly genuinely absolutely say from experience that if intimacy happens very early on into a relationship, it does not change my perception of the woman I am with. I think I can speak for quite a few men when I say that I already know whether or not I would want something more serious with someone before we actually take that intimate step.
However, there are men out there who would see a woman differently and are only saying this to make her comfortable enough to get into bed with him. After that, she never hears from him again and he’s got some tainted image in his mind about her.
Again – it comes down to honesty. Have enough respect for someone to overcome your primal urges for the sake of someone else’s emotional well-being.
“I love you.”
“I love you” might be one of the most overused phrases in our culture. Love is an action. We have to be willing to show it, not just say it. If you’re not willing to put in the effort to prove that you understand love is a verb as well as a noun, then do not tell her until you’re ready.
If you love her, tell her. If you don’t love her, tell her. A good man will never allow a woman to fall for him if he doesn’t intend on catching her.
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