You Can’t Have The Fairy Tale, But You Can Have Prince Charming
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“Where are all of these gentlemen you talk about all the time?”
When I started writing over 4 years ago, my mission was (and still is) to bring back the concept of men being gentlemen – and update what it really means in modern day society.
Being respectful, chivalrous, aware, connected (to one’s self, and to each other). To encourage conversation and have us all open up to each other – men and women.
Now, 700 articles and over 37 million pageviews later, and the most frequent question I still continue to receive is: “Where are all of these gentlemen you talk about all the time?”
The short answer is this – good men are everywhere. Genuine, kindhearted, loving, men who want to find a relationship just as much as women do. They are literally everywhere.
The problem arises when they may not come in the exact packaging that one might desire or expect.
And, the set of circumstances with which they barrel into your life, might not exactly be ideal or even planned.
But, that doesn’t change the reality of their existence. Perhaps I am partially to blame for reinforcing the idea of what a happy relationship “should” look like, that we have honed in on this image of damn-near perfection, which allows very little room for error.
The good, kindhearted men you’re looking for, are going to make mistakes. They might be clumsy, or shy, or unaware of proper etiquette. Maybe they dress a little sloppy, or have just come from work. So, the package isn’t exactly reflective of the quality of the heart.
But, that doesn’t change the reality of their existence.
Should men strive to be well-mannered, well-dressed, and well-educated? 100% of the time, absolutely. But I know plenty of loving, caring men, who haven’t been fortunate enough to have role models in some of these life categories and aren’t exactly sure how to approach self-improvement.
But, that doesn’t change the reality of their existence.
Am I saying you should throw your standards out the window and just accept any guy who is caring? Absolutely not. But what I am saying is, life is not always going to unfold or look the exact way you thought it would. I know mine sure as hell hasn’t. Has yours?
Life is not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. There are struggles, and failures, and heartache. There are losses, and illnesses, and family challenges. The ‘fairy tale’ picture we see simply by looking at the surface of dating’s fun times and honeymoon phase, is not reality.
Dating articles don’t talk about what happens when you lose a childhood pet and your partner doesn’t know how to console you. Or, if a family member passes away and your partner disappears because they don’t know how to handle it. Or, if one of you contracts a serious illness and the other one has to support you.
None of us get the fairy tale, as much as we (or some random fluffy magazine) want to think that we do. But what we can find, is a person willing to navigate this terrain alongside of us. Someone who commits their heart to us fully, and says “I’m in this for the long haul.”
They may not look, act, walk, talk, or dress how we hoped they would – but that doesn’t change the reality of their existence.
It’s important to find a balance in dating. To compromise. To understand that nobody is going to be perfect – hell, you sure as hell aren’t perfect. I’m sure as hell not perfect. The woman I someday marry and have children with, definitely will not be perfect.
But, who wants perfect anyway? Even if there were such a thing (which there isn’t), perfection leaves no room for charm. No room for nuance. No room for individuality. No room for those unique little quirks that make you smile and want to squeeze them every time they do something cute.
Perfect would be cuddling with a mannequin.
Life is a whirlwind that spins around all of us on a daily basis, and we can’t always control the circumstances or the trajectory.
But if we are with someone who holds our hand and holds the umbrella over us on the rainy days, it can make the journey a little less bumpy.
So, I ask you – do not be discouraged if you haven’t met the man or woman that you’re going to spend your life with. Don’t give up, don’t quit, don’t become jaded.
Maybe you haven’t found them yet…
…But that doesn’t change the reality of their existence.
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EXCLUSIVE ADVICE & OFFERS RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX (NO SPAM)
another great post ! wow !! thank you for these timely words 🙂
So glad you enjoyed it, thanks so much!
come to El Paso, TX and please point them out to me!!
Another amazing read James!
Your completely correct! There is no such thing as “Perfect” if there was the world would be a miserable place.
So much yes to this!!! I missed out in my past because all I did was hone in on my checklist that I thought needed to be marked off instead of being fully present with who I was. I didn’t give them space to just be and in turn I wasn’t able to see some of the men I was with as actual good options. I’m now in an amazing supportive relationship with someone I wouldn’t have given a chance if I hadn’t worked on myself, loved myself and be able to love him unconditionally. And it isn’t in the package that I thought it was going to be either. Thank you for your vulnerability and insight and sharing your truth. You are awesome!
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Amen Bro. you are right.So where is he at than?Don’t u think he should be asking me out on a date if he’s serious?You can’t make excuses for ever u know.Clothes,height,etc it dosen’t matter.Boy friend been short, husband tall.So if he loves me like Jesus’s Christ love the church and gave himself for it.If he can afford to take care of me n supporting our family, we become 1 is all I need thanks.
[…] This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. […]