The argument has been made that biologically, humans are not hardwired to be monogamous. We are simply evolved primates whose natural drive is to reproduce, and we all know it takes work to reproduce – the stork doesn’t just show up carrying a baby.
This primal urge does overcome some people (this goes for men and women), but it is often women who are more vocal about their dissatisfaction with male infidelity than the other way around. Plus, the encompassing statement of “all men” includes myself as well, so I am compelled to give my two cents.
If it weren’t for the institution of marriage constructed by society, there would be nothing binding two people together, not even having children. And, what is a marriage contract, but words on a piece of paper? There is no physical commitment to stay faithful – only emotional. Two people are not shackled together or literally dragging around the proverbial “ball and chain” that people use to make monogamy sound so appealing.
But here is the good news: That emotional connection can be enough. While we may have a biological urge to be physical with others, we are also an emotional animal, craving love and connections with each other. One of the strongest loves or connections you can feel is with your significant other.
This is where the biology argument for “all men cheat if they have the opportunity” begins to lose a little ground. As men, we are often driven by sex, but nobody said it had to be sex with a variety of people. I believe if you find someone whom you have a strong emotional connection with, the desire for a physical act that really doesn’t mean anything with someone else begins to fade away.
It’s a process, sure. One needs to test the waters in order to learn what kind of person they want to be with, but that’s the point of committing to someone at the end of the process – you are making a conscious choice to commit only to them.
At first it may be a choice, but after we grow to truly love and respect the person we are with, other options seem to just fade away. We lose interest. We focus on the woman we love. We may glance at other women, but in the end we are thinking: “I am with someone beautiful and amazing, and that means more than just a pretty face.”
A relationship with the right person puts things in perspective. When we deeply appreciate her for who she is, everything about her becomes more beautiful than any other woman. She is not the best option for us, she is the only option for us.
We still see examples of long-term monogamy even in unmarried couples. Plenty of couples stay together for decades without actually signing a contract. Why? It is love and commitment that keeps people together in the end – not the titles of husband and wife.
A man who genuinely cares about a woman’s feelings would never be unfaithful. Not only will he not want to, but your happiness should be his happiness, and the thought of devastating you, should be devastating to him.
Cheating is not an accident. It is not something you slip and fall into. It is not an immediate event that nobody saw coming. It requires the same process that any seduction would – an initial meeting, flirting, maybe some exchanging of information, an invitation, an acceptance of said invitation, and then finally the act itself. There are countless chances for a man to say “sorry, I’m in a relationship,” which is exactly what a man who is truly committed to you will do.
As far as even getting to that point – a good man won’t even have time to go out and find other women, because he’ll be too busy loving the one he already has.
The right man will commit his heart, mind, and body to you. And if the one you are with has broken that promise, it’s time to find someone who will keep it.
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