6 Ways To Know You’re A Good Boyfriend


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We are living in a whole new world. A world different than our fathers and grandfathers. A world that, if you are looking for a short term woman, rewards good looks, flashy cars, and nice watches.


But, we are also living in a world of new women. Independent, mature, intelligent, self sufficient women. Women who might drive a nicer car or live in a nicer place than you. So, while you might be able to score the hookup, how will you know if you’ll keep her attention in the long run?

Here are a few standards to set for yourself:

You make her want to be better.

While there are plenty of ways a good woman will make you a better man, it is not to be forgotten that a man who has long term potential will do the same for his woman. Would you let the potential of your friend or brother go to waste, if you knew they were capable of more than they were doing?

Mutual empowerment and individual growth in relationships is important to keeping both people happy and fulfilled. Plus, it shows that you are committed to her well-being and success, as much as you are to her.


You continue to improve yourself.

No woman (or man, for that matter) wants to be with somebody who is complacent and willing to settle. This goes for all aspects of life. Your fitness, your career, your self-education…continue to challenge her as she challenges herself. This will eliminate all risk of boredom, which is a killer of happy relationships.

You show her respect.

Is there a bigger point than this one? Respect is one of the cornerstones of love – without one, the other cannot exist. Unless you give her the respect that she deserves, you shouldn’t expect her to commit her time, effort, or life to you.

Your ‘private life’ is happy.

Let’s be honest, gentlemen – intimacy is an integral quality of happy, healthy couples. Flexibility (not just physical), understanding, and focusing on her needs are all important aspects of keeping this part of your relationship alive.

Reciprocation is key – while we should never act in order to get something in return, make sure the bedroom isn’t a one way street. That being said, the rumors are true:

Nice guys finish last…but only because we make sure our woman finishes first.


You keep things exciting.

Really, guys, be honest with yourself. Would you want to be with a woman who bores you to tears? No? Then what makes you think she would want to be with a man like that?

Romance and chivalry are not something to be reserved for the beginning of a relationship. They are not to fade after the “honeymoon phase” – they are, and should be, part of your being and personality.

Oscar Wilde said: ‘The very essence of romance is uncertainty.’ It doesn’t matter if you’re surprising her with her favorite perfume, takeout from her favorite restaurant, or plane tickets to Italy – being stale is worse for your relationship than it is for your bread.

She feels beautiful around you.

As I have said before, this is not just about the things that you say to her. When making a woman feel beautiful, feel is the key word. It’s not about what you say – it’s about what you don’t say, how you touch her, how you look at her, and how you talk to her…it’s about your actions more than your words.

Compliments shouldn’t be saved in your pocket for rainy days. Compliments are daily. They’re for when she looks beautiful waking up. When her eyes pop because of her eye shadow. When her purse matches her shoes.

Not the type to notice small details? That’s fine – the idea here is that you make her feel special, wanted, and appreciated. You make her feel noticed, and good about herself. When she puts in effort, make sure you recognize it.


The key here for us gentlemen, is to make sure that we find ourselves a woman who recognizes these things about us. You can be the perfect person, but if you’re with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, then you need to re-evaluate your relationships.

They are two way streets, after all.

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  1. sbdiaries on January 2, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    wow. just wow. a man who gets it. they actually exist.

    love your last bit a woman recognizing this in a man and appreciating him. a woman must take care of her man in the way he needs as well

    • James Michael Sama on June 28, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Thank you! Yes, we exist 🙂 and while not all of us are as outspoken as I am, part of the reason why I write and share the things I do is to help change the perception of the modern man to be more positive. I welcome men and women alike to share these articles in order to be their own personal voice, much like you’d share the lyrics of a song to express you’re feelings.

      Just doing my small part to change the world. 🙂

  2. Jeremy Martin on January 2, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Well said, per usual, James!

  3. Emma-Jane Pardoe on January 2, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Every time i read your posts/articles/blogs etc. I really can not help but think you are talking about my other half. 5 1/2 years in and most days at the very least once if not more times a day he does something that makes me feel like a giggly teenager, just got together with her teenage crush. He has helped me conquer my lifelong battles, and i like to think i have done the same with him. He is a through and through gentleman by design. Seperated at birth maybe????? I do so enjoy reading your posts and knowing there are more of you out there and more women have the chance to be lucky enough to bag themselves gentleman like i have.

    You know my other half, he says can you guess who he is? Clue : he is a Brit 🙂

  4. Matt on January 2, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Above and beyond James. I see myself in this article 100%. I got a bit complacent which cost me but with time there is hope 🙂

  5. ThePeopleIHaveSleptWith on January 3, 2014 at 8:28 pm


  6. Rosie on January 6, 2014 at 12:06 am

    You’re officially my hero at this point in time. I know plenty of women who would consider themselves crazy lucky if they found a guy like you.

  7. midnitechef on January 8, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    EPIC! This use to be common sense for men, to be a gentleman??? I’m glad you are trying to teach this to others. And ladies, we also need to step it up. Life is better when we’re all decent human beings.

  8. KP East to West on January 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    “Nice guys finish last…but only because we make sure our woman finishes first.”

    Well spoken 😉

  9. meggisonj on January 22, 2014 at 10:02 am

    5 ways to know you are not a good boyfriend?
    1. She spends more time trying to get your attention than in the bathroom.
    2. The last time you cooked her dinner was when she was sick 6 months ago.
    3. You flirt with other women.
    4. You don’t hold a job, because “she can handle it”. You should want to relieve her.
    5. You gave her cash on her birthday.

  10. home on December 11, 2016 at 9:59 am


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