Modern Chivalry: Dating Rules of High-Status Men

Times change, and along with them: Social norms change. Technology changes. Acceptable behavior changes (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse), and basically, well, everything changes.

We’ve rightfully left behind a lot from our past as our society has evolved and become more conscious about our actions…but the past wasn’t all bad.

There are still lessons we can take from proper etiquette, manners, and what pop culture understands as “chivalry,” while allowing the pieces that we don’t want, to fade away.

Here are 15 acts of chivalry high-status men carry into the modern era.

1: Be honest about your intentions.

First thing’s first: There is nothing chivalrous or honorable about leading a woman on, or being insincere simply to get what you want.

It may not seem like a big deal to you if you’re just not feeling it and decide to stop answering calls or texts one day, but actions like that can really linger in someone’s mind and cause trust or self-worth issues.

Consistently communicating your feelings or intentions in an open and honest way will help to eliminate confusion and help the woman you’re interested in feel more comfortable in expressing her own feelings as well.

I know it’s difficult to tell someone that it’s just not going to work out, but I’d bet you that 10 out of 10 times, she’d rather an uncomfortable truth rather than just being ghosted with no explanation.

2: Understand etiquette of who leads who.

A crash course:

So you’re on a date and doing that awkward “you go first…no, you go first” dance.

Who really goes first?

Proper etiquette dictates that in situations such as being seated by a host/hostess at a restaurant, theater, or places of the like: The woman is to lead.

In more crowded places that may require a push or two to get through (concert, nightclub), the man is to lead the woman.

Furthermore, she is to lead walking up stairs, and he is to lead going down stairs. These may seem like small details, but in a world where etiquette is often brushed aside, those who pay attention to the details are those who stand out from the crowd.

3: Actually take the time to plan a date.

One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that men expect a casual text invitation to ‘hang out’ to pass as a date, and to send the same message. It most definitely does not. The effort you put into planning a date sends a woman the message of how much you are [or aren’t] truly interested in her.

In the age of technology, you are likely texting or chatting for awhile before you actually see each other. Use this time to discover some of her interests and plan something accordingly. In an age of apathy, your efforts will be well received.

4: Ask permission to call.

Yeah, this one is weird, but hear me out.

People are really busy, and there’s no way to know what they’re up to during the day.

I once heard someone say that placing a random phone call is like saying “My desire to talk to you is more important than whatever you’re doing right now” and it stuck with me.

If you’re going to invite her on a date or ask a question, send over a text and see if she’s available to chat. If not, continue via text…but the idea is putting in more effort to have the most effective communication possible.

5: Ask her preference of meeting point for a date.

I always grew up offering to pick my date up from her home, and it was always a well-received gesture of courtesy. As time has evolved and online dating has become more prevalent, though, some have understandably become uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger coming to their house.

The fact is that you won’t know whether or not your date is comfortable with being picked up unless you ask…so let her know you’re willing to make the effort, and allow her to choose the option most comfortable for her.

6: Open the door for her.

The door to the restaurant, the car door, the door to the car picking you up. Whatever door is relevant to you both walking through, please do not lose sight of this simple but often overlooked act of kindness.

7: Remember: Ladies first.

This is a general statement because it applies to many facets of the evening. Proper etiquette states that she is to sit first (remember the first point where she is leading you to the table), she is to order first, and even to take the first bite of the appetizer, bread, or whatever is on the table before the entrees arrive.

If you have a hard time remembering any of these, simply think of the old adage throughout the night: Ladies first.

8: Dress appropriately.

How can the way you dress be considered an act of chivalry? Well, because the way you dress not only speaks to the respect you have for yourself, but also for the respect you have for the people you are dressing to be around.

The more effort you put into how you look, the more it shows you value how the other person is going to perceive you and act towards you in return.

First impressions are important.

Dressing appropriately is about being best suited (no pun intended) for the circumstances. If you’re meeting at a waterfront cafe, nobody would suggest wearing a suit.

You can be casual but still well groomed and well put together. Believe me, she will notice.

9: Pay the bill.

All of it.

Yes, I know this might start an argument in the comments.

No, it won’t change my opinion.

10: No cell phones.

I believe that cell phones on dates should be reserved for snapping that great photo of you together, and for emergencies. Besides that, scrolling through Instagram or checking your notifications when you’re working to make a great impression on someone new is a bad look.

Leave it in your pocket. Glance at it when you use the restroom if you must. If you are expecting an emergency call or text, inform your date at the beginning of the evening.

We live in an era where we are constantly overstimulated and have a hard time focusing on one singular thing. Letting the woman you’re out with know that she has your full, undivided attention, speaks volumes.

11: Walk on the street side of the sidewalk.

The old origins of this practice are centered around keeping the woman protected from cars splashing up water from the road, or, in some countries, people throwing trash out of their windows which was more likely to fall on the person closest to the road (that would be you).

While the origins are from the past, the intention remains the same: Protection.

It’s an effortless way to show that you care.

12: Stand up from the table when she leaves or arrives.

You may be saying to yourself: Come on, nobody does that anymore.

That’s exactly the point.

13: If she orders something and doesn’t end up enjoying it…

Offer to trade plates with her.

14: Good morning texts.

A good morning text first thing doesn’t just say “good morning,” it says “you’re the first person I thought of when I woke up today.”

Small romantic acts aren’t just for the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship. Consistency is key.

Hint: This includes goodnight texts, too.

Important note: Women see right through the guys who just copy and paste these messages to everyone in their contact list. This is all about specific and personal communication that she knows can only be sent to her, because you actually care.

Only, then, send it if your intentions are genuine.

15: Walking her to her door.

If she’s agreed to be picked up (See point #4), walk her safely to her door at the end of the evening. This is especially important if she lives in a city. It shows you’re willing to put effort into protecting her and makes her feel safe…two important aspects of building her trust and comfort.

Chivalry has evolved, as it should. We’re no longer going to lay our jackets across a puddle so that our date may walk across it, but, common courtesy and respect never go out of style.

While many of today’s men have lost sight of these simple acts, or perhaps never learned them in the first place, the high-status man who holds himself to equally high standards will always work to keep them alive.

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