These days, I get email after email after Facebook message after tweet after text from people about their relationships, or someone they’re considering a relationship with. And honestly, more often than not it makes me cringe.
It makes me cringe because I genuinely do not feel that we are doing the best we can when it comes to relationships. I don’t think we are accepting what we deserve and I don’t think we are giving our partners what they deserve. Of course, I am painting this picture with a broad brush. I do know of many great relationships out there.
During many of these conversations, I feel the disappointment and frustration myself. I can feel the effort is not being put in and I can feel this person is dissatisfied. Honestly, they should be.
Here are ten ways your partner should be making you feel in a relationship. Consistently.
They should make you feel valued.
I can’t even tell you how much I find this utterly basic concept lacking in relationships. Whether it be not putting in effort to spend enough time together, not expressing how much they value someone through words or actions, or just flat out coming across as apathetic towards the relationship; it is unacceptable.
The person you have chosen to commit your time, body, and heart to – should absolutely make you feel like they appreciate and value what you’ve given them (you) on a daily basis.
They should make you feel attractive.
Different than making you feel valued, feeling attractive touches on (no pun intended) a different level. Physical attraction and intimacy is a big part of a relationship and it boggles my mind when I hear that people are not affectionate with each other. I understand that not everyone’s personality is all touchy-feely, but being in a relationship is not just about your needs, it is about being sensitive to those of your partner as well.
If someone doesn’t feel like you are attracted to them, it will make them wonder if something is wrong with them or if you’ve fallen out of love with them. A healthy relationship is made up of two people who passionately want to be with each other on many different levels.
They should make you feel accepted.
The right person for you will always encourage and support you on your journey to improve in life, as well as to chase after your goals and dreams. But in doing so, they will never try to change who you fundamentally are. They will love and accept you today, now, in the present moment.
They should make you feel respected.
The person you are with should absolutely 100% respect you as a person and as a partner. This includes not crossing any boundaries you are uncomfortable with, respecting and valuing your opinion, and respecting things you do and don’t want to do.
When the person you are with makes you uncomfortable by doing things they knew would bother you, it’s time to ask yourself if they are right for you.
They should make you feel safe.
There should be absolutely zero reason that you ever feel nervous, scared, or intimidated by your significant other. If they ever use abusive or discouraging language towards you, this is a huge red flag that should never be ignored. And if they ever raise a hand to you or get physical – it is time to walk away. Now.
They should make you feel proud.
Do you have a desire to always be talking about your partner or bringing them around your family and friends to show everyone how great they are? Do you feel truly lucky to have this person in your life? You should be proud of who they are as a person, and also who they make you become when you are around them.
They should make you feel inspired.
A clear sign of a healthy relationship is when the mere presence of this person in your life makes you want to become the best version of yourself.
They should make you feel supported.
Do you want to start your own business? Go back to school for that degree you never got? Enter a fitness competition? Whatever it is that your passions are, your significant other should stand beside you the whole time and be your biggest fan.
They should make you feel comfortable expressing yourself.
If there is one person you should absolutely be able to be your uncensored self around, it is your significant other. No acts, no games, no facades. Just the real version of you, and the real version of them.
The happiest couples are the ones who can open up and be honest with each other – and that honesty comes from the comfort knowing they will never be judged.
They should make you feel like the only one.
There is a difference between feeling like someone’s best option, and feeling like their only option. Like you are the only person for them, and the only person who has ever been in their life.
We are all adults and understand that we all have a past – but when it comes to forming a bond between two people, that bond should be only between those two people. And the feeling of creating your own memories, traditions, and life together is unparalleled. This includes never comparing him/her to your ex – but starting fresh from your first day together.
Happy, healthy, successful relationships are made up of two people who work to make sure their partner feels these things. Nobody expects everything to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but knowing that he or she is going to be there to hold the umbrella during the rainy days too – that is what will keep you going.
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