The One Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman

I was asked a very interesting question once that kept me thinking for quite awhile, so I decided to write something on the topic. I certainly don’t want to sound cynical or judgmental, but I have brushed over the topic lightly in previous articles and I believe it is something a lot of people can relate to.


This was the question:

Are you encouraged by the women you see out there? Or are you as discouraged as most of us girls?

This really made me start to think. I wanted to say that when I was single, I used to meet countless amazing women all the time and guys are the ones who need to change and improve and they would suddenly come across their fairy tale princess because there are so many out there waiting to be swept off of their feet.

But, that’s just not true.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been privileged to meet some incredible human beings of both genders in my travels and I am fully aware that they are out there. I have been fortunate enough to find an amazing woman myself. In fact I find that the vast majority of my readers fit into this category, as they are looking to have meaningful discussions, learn more, and help the rest of us learn more as well. I certainly do not want to generalize everyone here, but I think we can all agree there is a severe lack of one quality in today’s society:


By ‘depth,’ I mean people whose personality is as attractive as their appearance, or even more so. I began thinking about all of the time I spend at events where I have met fantastic people, and then I start thinking of those in our generation(s) who just seem to be caught up in the glitz and glam and wonder – could I really bring her around my family? Could we spend a weekend away somewhere relaxing with family or friends and just…hang out? Not have to do anything, enjoy each other’s company and just – be?

Most often, the answer is ‘eh, probably not.’


Depth, class, integrity, whatever you want to call it – Men are searching for women who they can picture as an equal part of their life. Someone who they can share their passions with and really connect with. Someone who they can have meaningful conversations with. Someone they can sit across from at the dinner table night after night and never get bored.

This is what’s missing.

Not just in women, but in men as well – I realize that. But the majority of my articles are about the shortcomings of the modern man and I truthfully believe there is reflection that needs to be done by both genders if we are really going to solve the problems that are facing our generations in terms of dating and relationships. And this is a big part of it.

This is a big part of it because without this depth we are going to continue along the path we are already on – the hookup culture that judges people on looks and “In a Relationship” just being a Facebook update that doesn’t carry any real meaning. It’s simply an association with another person that can be broken off at any time. We are not taking the time to bond with each other. We are not taking the time to develop ourselves emotionally, which is the only way we will be able to truly relate to another person.

When someone asks me what I want in a partner, in a teammate, one of the first words that comes to mind is: Depth. That is what is going to allow a connection to form, when, and only when – two people have the depth necessary to cultivate it. Physical attraction is important. A great smile is important. Someone who takes care of themselves physically is important. But it is not important enough to bring a couple through hard times. It is not important enough to build a foundation on. It is not important enough to actually make someone want to commit to you.


We, as a society, spend too much time emphasizing the importance of improving the body and not enough time discussing the importance of also improving the mind. Too much of one or the other, and our relationships will flounder.

Needless to say, I am speaking in generalities here. There are thousands upon thousands of great people in the world whom none of this applies to, but my point is – they are hard to find. And, I think we all know that.

Where are the women out there who are concerned with more than just their newest pair of Louboutins or the hottest new nightlife spot? Where are the women who want to build a real, meaningful relationship with a man who wants the same? Where are the women who are going to be up front and honest about their wants and needs?

Stand up, because men are looking for you.


Click here to get my new e-book, The Modern Man’s Guide To Chivalry And Courtship!



If you enjoyed this article, please use the buttons below to share it on social media and enter your email here to be notified when new content is published!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.



80 thoughts on “The One Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman

  1. I thought this was a wonderful article, you are so right about finding someone with depth in today’s world not being easy. This is what I am looking for & hope to find…someday…

  2. I find the friends that i have attracted in my life are full of fun and depth..finding my male partner whom is full of depth with intelligence, humor and that special chemistry well I gather he’ll be right on time to meet me and I him. Being receptive to him and willing to share my depth humor intelligence all of me will bring him only a matter of time.

  3. How do you define depth?

    Here is my attempt for both men and women: Confident enough in self to completely surrender heart, mind, body, and soul to the one he/she loves more than self….as long as the response is equal.

    All the talk about intelligence, experience, money, and appearance are missing the mark. This are like pre-requisites to further investigation. Depth seals the deal. But great depth can make up for a lot.

    Qualities that seem related to this:
    1) comfortable and content with self.
    2) honest.
    3) not a whiner
    4) no preoccupation with appearance

    The 4 above can be summed up as “mature”.

    Women who know how to let a man be a man is a big plus, as is men who know how to be manly when given permission. 🙂

  4. Many here have mentioned “not preoccupied with appearance”. The Wikipedia article on narcissism is very enlightening in describing why they do not have any depth. Other searches will explain why it is a total disaster to end up involved with a narcissist. Their unconscious low self esteem is a road block to deep intimacy. Conscious low self esteem is not attractive to someone who is confident, but it is not a block to being able to have deep intimacy with a deeply trusted someone special, who usually also has low self-esteem.

    Intelligence is deeply connected to depth and maturity, but it is definitely not the key. The “depth” I seek is the ability to be “deeply” in love, not the ability to have a deep conversation.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s