8 Things Men Want In A Relationship


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Men say women are complicated, and women say men are complicated – but for different reasons. Men say women are complicated because of the perception that they say one thing when they really mean something else. Women say men are complicated because we never say what we really want in the first place, so women are left figuring it out. None of us are mind readers, unfortunately.

So for the men who are not comfortable articulating what you want in a relationship, I speak for you, and for the women who are constantly left guessing, I speak to you. Here are eight things that men want.



Men want a teammate.

We are social creatures. I can at least speak for myself when I say that I enjoy going to many different types of events and spending time around a lot of different types of people. Just as much though, we enjoy a quiet night on the couch watching movies and ordering takeout.

While these things are great either on our own or with friends, having the woman we love by our side increases the enjoyment level ten-fold. To have someone to share these experiences with (whatever types of experiences he enjoys) is always a plus. And please, even if the types of things he likes to do aren’t your cup of tea, do your best to have a good attitude about it when you’re there. He should do the same for you.

Men want to be supported.

What is sometimes even more important than physically being by a man’s side, is emotionally being by his side. Some of us have big hopes, dreams, and ambitions. Sometimes they may even seem unrealistic to some people – but they are what keep us going.

It doesn’t matter if it is business or personal, to know that the woman we love fully supports us, encourages us, and even sometimes brags about what we are doing, is an amazing feeling no man will deny.

Men want to laugh.

Women know how attractive humor is and men know how attractive it is to women – but it also goes both ways. Men love a woman who can keep him smiling and laughing, whether it be during a text conversation that brightens his day or sitting on a park bench making up stories about people as they walk by.

Life throws us curve balls and is not always easy – humor and the ability to laugh during those times can keep a relationship strong and moving forward.


Men want to make you feel good.

He thinks you’re beautiful and amazing. He tells you you’re beautiful and amazing. He acts in ways that show you he really feels this way.

One of the more frustrating thing for a man is when we do our damnedest to make the woman in our life feel great and she constantly denies us or shoots down the compliment. “No, I look terrible today.” “No, my skin is breaking out.” Eventually, he will become less and less excited to compliment you because all you are going to do is minimize it. It feels like you’re giving someone a gift and they toss it on the ground in front of you.

A nice “thank you” or “thank you baby” or a kiss on the cheek or however you two show appreciation in your relationship will make him feel good for making you feel good.

Men want to provide for you.

We know, you don’t need us to do anything for you. You don’t need us to open the door or pull out the chair or go fill your prescription – but we want to. We want to because those are the small things we do to let you know we love you. Men are naturally providers as women are naturally nurturers. Sure, we all have our differences and show it in different ways, but it is important that women understand this is one of the big ways that men show how much they care.

By being too independent and telling us you can do everything for yourself, you effectively take away our method of showing you that we love you. Many men are not great communicators (surprise), so they resort to their instincts to show you non-verbally. Food for thought the next time you tell a man “I can do that myself,” ladies.

Men want you to be proud of them.

Perhaps an extension of the point about supporting men, but different. It is one thing to stand beside him during his journey and another to celebrate his accomplishments with him. There is nothing better than the “proud girlfriend” who can’t stop talking about this great thing her boyfriend did. It makes us feel special and valued.


Men want stability.

Women are not the only ones who crave stability in a relationship. We want a woman who is a stable part of our lives because it means we know we can trust her and count on her. It means we know who we are coming home to. Too many fights or arguments or inconsistencies will have us wondering who it really is we committed to.

Men want to feel appreciated.

Perhaps the biggest point here. Any man worth his salt will put in effort to do things for the woman in his life, make her feel valued, wanted, and appreciated.

I understand some women are used to a lot of attention, but the attention from your significant other should mean something more. The things he does for you should never go unnoticed, no matter how small they are. In fact, the smaller things should be appreciated more because they show attention to detail and real effort.

It doesn’t matter how giving or kindhearted someone is, eventually, everyone gets tired of waiting to be appreciated. Show him how important the things he does are to you, and he will never stop doing them.


If a man does all of the things for you in a relationship that a true gentleman does, and he finds all of the things here in his relationship with you, the two of you can build the bulletproof relationship you need in order to navigate all of the crazyness this world brings our way on a daily basis.

A team that strong can never lose – but we both have to play our parts.

Click here to get my new e-book, The Gentleman’s Advantage!


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  1. Mary Brown on September 18, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Thanks for the good suggestions and ideas.I appreciate the articles n I plan to apply now that I know more I can do more and be more to make a morr beautiful team of love,joy,peace,unity.I always enjoy these n look forward to reading them n application.Thanks good day.

  2. Clayton M Frazier on September 18, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    You’re the only blogger who understands what he’s writing about. I’ve read numerous articles this month from this site and they actually make sense. You’re the only down-to-writer I’ve discovers, unlike the rest of the internet bloggers on relationships. Thank you for being normal and actually creating real content.

    • Clayton M Frazier on September 18, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      Down to Earth is what I meant.

    • James Michael Sama on September 18, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Wow, I’ll take that as a huge compliment Clayton, thank you! I know there are millions of other bloggers out there so the fact that you have actually come across my writing and feel that way about it really means a lot.

      Much appreciated – feel free to chime in and leave constructive feedback at anytime, I am always looking to be better.

      – JMS

  3. Emmanuel on September 19, 2014 at 3:11 am

    Clayton i couldn’t agree more. keep up the good work man. cheers!

  4. Naicker, Jeeva J on September 19, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Thank you..very true..


  5. Endlesspirit on September 19, 2014 at 11:05 pm

    Many valid points from both sides here Mr James…THANKYOU!….
    My story….I would come home after working on a Saturday to a meticulously clean house, garden weeded etc. My man was so excited to show me his hard work he’d lead me by the hand to show me. It was like Dino yapping at Fred Flintstone….
    What did I do? I saw the big crack in the tiles and pointed it out….oh my how did that big crack happen?
    Stupid! Preexisting , etc. Doh!!!
    I totally missed the point and totally killed the moment. Only now do I realise how something so small, would’ve made such a difference….
    Men are from mars, women are from Venus! If I only knew how to pay attention to such things!
    They need this for self worth and validation too….

  6. Jule J. Ernspiker on September 20, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    Have you ever considered writing an e-book or guest authoring on other websites?

    I have a blog based upon on the same information you discuss and would love to
    have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would enjoy your work.
    If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.

  7. […] are, of course, plenty of qualities we grow to appreciate both in our relationships as well as in the woman we are with, but we often do not recognize them until we get older. This […]

  8. still on November 3, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks,
    However I am going through troubles with your RSS. I don’t understand why I cannot join it.
    Is there anybody else getting the same RSS problems? Anyone
    who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!!

  9. PUSAT TONGSIS YOGYAKARTA on November 3, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Hmm it seems like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess
    I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
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  10. Ginger on November 18, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    “Men want to provide for you…” Let me tell you one of the sweetest little things my (new) man did for me… I was following him in my car and needed to stop for gas. He pulled in the station behind me and pumped gas for me (nice base hit) but then when I mentioned a low tire light had come on, he had me pull over to the air station and he checked all my tires and aired them up for me. Home run! Of COURSE I can do that myself and do it all the time. But by doing that one little thing for me, he showed me he thinks I’m special and gave me a little boost onto that “princess pedestal”.

    And yes, I showed my appreciation… 🙂

  11. Alix Day on November 18, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Hey James
    Any chance you could do a bit of matchmaking for us ladies and help to fix us up (with guys who follow your articles of course!!) 😉

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