The Secret To Finding Better People


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Lately, my city has been impressing me. I have found myself at some great events at beautiful venues I never knew existed, and meeting amazing people. This, after I have had the audacity to speak about how small and repetitive Boston can be.

It makes me think about how people say that there are no good (single) men or women left in the world. They are all the same. Boring. Unoriginal. And choices are lacking. This may be true – but as they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.


Of course, every person reading this will have the same reaction: “But, I am a good person.” Great! We have established that there are, in fact, good people left in the world – and you are one of them.

So, what’s the problem?

How do I say this without sounding offensive? Believe me, that is not my intention. I need to hear what I’m about to say just as much as anyone else might. The issue just may be, well, ourselves.

Extraordinary people want to be around other extraordinary people. People who are improving themselves. People who are chasing their dreams. People who are out in the world, seeking to provide value to the lives of others.

We have to ask ourselves – are we the person that will attract the type of man or woman we want to attract? And if we are not yet, are we working to become them? If the answer to both of these questions is “no,” then the question becomes: Are my expectations realistic?


My point is, when I turned up the volume on chasing after my goals and dreams, amazing people and opportunities began to appear in my life. In turn, those people provided motivation, encouragement, and support to keep pushing forward. The hardest part is taking the first step to motivate yourself, but once you do, the momentum will keep you going.

Naturally, this opens new opportunities to be surrounded by others who share your ambitions, interests, and desires. People who could turn into great friendships, business connections, or an intimate relationship if that’s what you’re looking for.

Too many people are focused on finding the right man or woman, and not enough are focused on becoming the right man or woman.

You do not go out and “find” love. Love finds you when you invest in transforming into the best version of yourself.


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  1. Beth Dahleen on July 31, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    Wow! Very insightful!

  2. Johnathan on July 31, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    Second person I have heard say this today. I’m so encouraged on the journey to becoming a better man through strength and kindness. Awesome topic

  3. Melissa on July 31, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    That is what I always say. Whether looking for love or friendship…do what you love to do and people will appreciate your joy and be drawn to you. Once you reach a certain age it gets harder to meet other people and it is really all about getting out there and being active in what you enjoy. p.s. I enjoy all your posts!

  4. tourangh on August 1, 2014 at 5:13 am

    This is gold.

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  6. rickyzg on August 1, 2014 at 8:49 am

    More people like James and world will be better place.

  7. […] The good ones are out there, but finding one starts with becoming one yourself. […]

  8. Kristi Phniece on August 4, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Reblogged this on Utopian You and commented:
    Love this post. Like attracts like. If you want better people in your life, you have to be the type if person you’re seeking to attract. Look around you, who is there? This is more than likely who you are too. And if you don’t like what you see – then change it!!

    Be blessed.

  9. Julian Mbogoh on August 6, 2014 at 3:14 am

    Reblogged this on Almost Anything.

  10. Lexie Roberts on August 13, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Easier said than done…but, trying!

  11. Ritter Standley on August 23, 2014 at 3:09 am

    Well said! In God’s time, the ONE will come.

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