When it comes to dating, one of the more desirable qualities a man can possess is what most of us would call charisma. But charisma is more of an umbrella term that encompasses a collection of different habits and qualities, rather than just being a self-standing one on its own.
In our quest as men to develop into the best version of ourselves, charisma and likability plays a vital role in our social and professional success. Needless to say, a large area of this arena is dating and relationships.
So, with emphasis on this particular topic, how can we be sure others will use this word when describing us?
Become a great storyteller.
Do you ever find yourself telling someone a story or explaining a situation and you notice it looks like their eyes have glazed over and you’re not quite sure if they’ve actually fallen asleep? Anyone with this insecurity (many of us have experienced it, don’t worry), will naturally want to either speak faster, or speak much less. Neither of these options provide a positive solution.
When you speak too quickly, it telegraphs your concern about the value of what you’re saying. It tells people “I probably won’t be able to keep your attention for very long, so I’m going to cram as much information into the next 30 seconds as possible.”
Practice in a mirror, record yourself speaking and watch it back, breathe, slow down – speaking clearly with confidence is a mark of a charismatic man who understands that what he says has value, and people want to hear it.
Work on active listening.
I explained the importance of listening in a previous article, and how it actually requires more effort than people think, because you need to pay attention and absorb what is being told to you. Charismatic men will be so engaging with their conversation partner(s) that they will elicit comfort and confidence to them to further open up to you – an essential element of getting to know someone.
If a person feels you don’t really pay attention when they speak or are always distracted, they won’t exactly be compelled to spend much of their valuable time with you.
Pay significant attention to maintaining eye contact, show them you’re not just hearing them, but really listening. There is a difference.
Study body language.
How you carry yourself and non-verbally interact with someone can make or break your entire interaction with them – especially on a date.
Someone who is charismatic will understand the importance of mirroring the body language of the person you’re interacting with in order to help them become more comfortable around you. Additionally – being able to read their signals (or lack thereof) will save you from some awkward conversations.
Less of you, more of them.
Sure, it’s important that the other person learns about you, too – but nobody likes to be around someone who just constantly talks about themselves. Furthermore, the word “charismatic” is rarely applied to someone who does this.
Ask questions, become genuinely interested, allow the other person to engage with you by you engaging with them. This means valuing what’s going on around you more than you value what’s going on on your cell phone. Be where you are, ignore distractions.
Develop your confidence.
Perhaps the most difficult, but important aspect of charisma is developing the very root of it – confidence in yourself. When you are genuinely confident in yourself, all of the above points flow much more easily. On top of that, it never looks like you’re trying to hard or calculating your level of “charm,” you are just…being yourself.
This kind of confidence comes from being true to yourself and not trying to fit into a mold that someone else has laid out for you. When your internal identity matches your external identity, you will have the foundation necessary to build upon.
A charismatic man has what it takes to be more successful in all areas of life. He is one whom others enjoy being around, and most importantly, he is one who enjoys being around himself.
Not sure where to start? Observe others you find to be charismatic, absorb how they carry themselves and treat others, and gradually merge it with your own personality.
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