5 Myths We Learn From Modern Dating

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As a “professional” blogger on dating and relationships, I spend much of my time having and reading conversations on the subject. I constantly see Facebook statuses and Tweets that condemn the opposite sex or essentially just swear them off for good…at least until the next person comes along.

As a society, we are on the verge of devolving into a bunch of crazy kids who just want to “hang out” and jump ship at the first sign of difficulty, only to emerge out of the waters onto the next life boat that comes on by to pick us up.

This teaches us one thing…how to move from boat to boat, it never teaches us how to actually swim. So, what else are we “getting” from today’s relationships?

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Nobody can be trusted.

That’s right, nobody. Men are all pigs and liars, and women are all…well…choose your own words. Everywhere you turn on social media there is somebody complaining about somebody…but they’re not just complaining about a man, or a woman – they’re complaining about every single member of the gender, as if they are all the same.

The “hookup culture” we are emerged in is often void of substance. It’s people running around saying whatever the other person wants to hear so they can spend the night together and then be gone before sunrise. This destroys the other person’s ability to trust. To commit. To open up. If you want a fling, there’s nothing wrong with that, but be up front about it.

The truth is – there are plenty of honest, goodhearted, trustworthy people in the world who are just looking for someone who shares the same qualities. The difficult part is that if you’re one of those people, you’ve got to continue trusting others before you find someone who actually deserves it. That’s the only way to really learn who is the real deal.

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Bad relationships will prepare you for a good relationship.

Your experience teaches you to be better prepared for more of the same type of experiences. Dealing with players will not teach you to build a solid, happy relationship – it will teach you how to deal with players. To spot them better and easier and to cut ties (if that’s not what you want), quicker.

To perpetuate the idea that a string of bad relationships are a gateway to a good relationship, needs to be carefully worded. Yes, the wrong relationships will teach you what you don’t want, which is fantastic. But one will quickly learn the different nuances that will present themselves when we are actually with someone we truly love and care about.

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It’s always someone else’s fault.

For many, especially our youth, daily life is full of the search for validation. Selfies, retweets, facebook likes – everything is designed around self worth being determined by the approval of others. This, by definition, is the very opposite of self worth.

While each individual person is special and unique in their own ways, this does not automatically make them inherently deserving of another person’s body or heart. When all we do is compliment each other, we are perpetuating the myth that you are the best and perfect exactly the way you are. If you are single, it’s the other person’s fault. We couldn’t possibly be undesirable to the opposite sex.

Could we?

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The wrong relationship is better than no relationship.

Society paints a picture of people in relationships being happy, and people who are single being sad. This, obviously, is ridiculous.

There are plenty of dysfunctional relationships out there and plenty of happy, successful, fulfilled single people. True happiness in life comes from within, not from the acceptance and approval of another. While the love of another is obviously a great addition to one’s life, relying solely on this is band-aid to a solution that will keep reappearing every time a relationship ends.

The truth is, it is better to be single and only accept the love that you deserve, than to settle for negative relationships along the way.

You don’t need someone to complete you, only for someone to accept you completely.

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You can really have “no strings attached.”

Especially with the aforementioned “hookup culture” at the forefront of the dating world, many members of our generations (and younger) are of the mindset that we can breeze through as many “relationships” as we want, no matter how non-committal, and it will take no emotional toll.

The truth is, for both men and women, there is no escaping an eventual emotional response of some sort to our past actions. This could mean friends with benefits who eventually get attached to each other, or a self-proclaimed player who thinks he will never develop feelings or crave something with more substance – there is an important need to realize that as emotional creatures, we have to keep ourselves in check with any intimate situations.

Even if we are not the ones getting attached, there is a necessary awareness we have to instill in our youth that we are essentially playing with fire in these situations and should never be reckless with the emotions of others.

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Relationships are supposed to be happy and fulfilling. To be exciting and motivating. To be progressive and loving. To be mutually supportive. If we don’t have these qualities in our relationship, then what exactly are we doing in it?

There is no replacement for intimacy. Texting does not trump personal time together, and not every relationship is a dead end. They are supposed to be a path – a path to a greater connection with another. The trick is, finding the right person to walk the path with.
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3 Comments

  1. Richard on July 1, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    very true

  2. Matt on July 2, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Couldnt have said it any better. Lack of trust these days is quite obvious, everyone Ive met claims they’ve been burned by a player or a cheat, and they cant distinguish the gentleman from the player so they dont pursue anyone.

    Yet their hashtags all day long are #allnymenaredouchebags #mynextbfwillbesolucky etc, or #bitchesallcheat and so on and so forth. All claiming to be independent and happy, yet subtly crying out ‘i want a bf/gf so bad’.

    You are who you surround yourself with. Cant find a good guy? Look in your friends list…you might have surrounded yourself with players and one nighters without even realizing it. Same goes for the guys.

    I recently started talking to a lady, one who put me way out of my comfort zone. Shes actually the type who prefers wittyness and sarcasm over the ‘gentlemanly’ type of guy. But we get along very well. Patience patience patience. Im the type to rush into things but ive been learning to take it slow and not go crashing into things like my last relationship.

  3. CathyH on July 5, 2014 at 10:53 am

    I have come to believe that the “hookup” culture has done more to damage relationships than to free them for all of the reasons you mentioned. That along with an unrealistic ideal of relationships being always “happy ever after”. Nobody’s perfect, but sometimes you find the person whose imperfections you can live with just as they can live with yours. (That didn’t come out quite right.) actually what my husband and I like to say to each other is “everyone is crazy in some way or another but I can deal with your crazy.”

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