Why You Should Always Do Nice Things For Girls
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Some of you, the ones who have been reading this blog since its June 2013 inception, might recognize this title. This is a re-vamp of an article I wrote back then. It was one of the first articles I ever had published, and I wanted to give it an updated breath of life.
My inspiration for this article was one I saw on EliteDaily.com called “Why You Should Never Do Anything Nice For A Girl.”
The article begins as follows (the rest of it, you can read at the original source) –
Courtship is dead. Chivalry is long gone because women killed it. The concept of dating has evaporated into the wind. Being faithful and actually committed to someone is a thing of the past. You may think that this is a rather negative, pessimistic way of looking at the world of dating and sex, but I assure you that it’s only realistic.
Uh, what?
Sorry, Preston Waters, but I just can’t be one of the guys out there who agrees with you.
Maybe I’m biased, coming from a family of strong and loving marriages. My parents have been married for over 30 years and my grandparents have been married for over 60. Perhaps it’s because this has always been part of my reality. Perhaps it’s because I’ve built a reputation for tailoring old-fashioned values to fit modernized dating.
Or maybe it’s just because I understand that each individual human being in this world is different, and judging someone brand new based on the actions of someone in your past is asinine, and dare I say it: Immature.
I am realistic when it comes to relationships. I spent almost a full decade single and “living the life” in the party scene. I suffered, admittedly, the headaches and drama that Mr. Waters so eloquently describes in his article. The heartache that comes along with being stepped on as the ‘nice guy.’
The difference is, I recognized the girls who just wanted to party, as girls who just wanted to party. I learned quickly that they weren’t looking for commitment or the type of guy I was trying to be. By simple reasoning, you might realize that if you leave the party scene, you will no longer find these types of people. And if these are qualities of ‘party girls,’ those who forego the club for a nice lounge, a coffee shop or book store, will most likely be different.
They might even, *gasp*, appreciate your kindness and the man you have worked to become. Remember the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
If you want to find a different type of woman – well, then, date a different type of woman.
My belief is that everyone, no matter where they’re from or what “scene” they’re in, is secretly searching for the same thing. Everyone enjoys companionship, and nobody truly wants to be alone for too long.
Women are so used to being played by guys who are jaded, that each one of us has the special opportunity to be the one who shows them we are not all the same.
I could have bought another car with the money I’ve “wasted” on dates, and maybe have lived another lifetime with the hours I’ve spent being Prince Charming for countless girls who really didn’t really appreciate it – but you have to find a lot of rocks before you uncover a diamond.
I’d still open doors, pull out chairs, buy little gifts for no reason. And I always pay for dinner. I knew that if I became more selective about who I treated that way, I would eventually find someone who appreciated it. And guess what – I did.
My readers have grown to know and love Margot through my previous writings, and recognize her as an amazing breast cancer survivor and the epitome of strength and class. Margot’s boyfriend before me left much to be desired. He would have left a lesser woman jaded and uninterested in men for quite some time – but she didn’t let him break her down, and neither should we as men. She appreciates what I do even more now. And her genuine appreciation makes me love doing it.
The way I see it is, I am not a gentleman towards women because of who they are. I am a gentleman towards women because of who I am. The fact of the matter is, you never know whose day you will make by simply holding a door, smiling, or saying hello. Good girls are out there in the crowd just like good guys are.
That woman whose spilled coffee you didn’t help clean up because “all girls are the same” could have been your future wife. Too bad you’ll never know, because you allow yourself to be defeated by a bunch of egotistical little girls who value swag over substance.
There’s a woman waiting for YOU to prove that all men are NOT the same. The question is: Will you prove her wrong or right?
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Reblogged this on The Inner Rambles of a Tiny Dancer and commented:
The exact same can be said for women. Don’t distrust the entire male population because of the way one jerk treated you.
“Like” 🙂
I have only been following you for a couple months now, but every new post helps me more and more to realize the standards I should be setting for myself, and for men who I choose to associate with. I’m more appreciative than I could ever tell you. Thank you again for letting us know the true standards for true chivalry.
Beautiful!
Elite Daily is run by a bunch of lowlifes. I can’t believe half of the crap that gets published on that site. -_-
The problem is most women in their 20’s are not attracted to the “Nice Guy” , they claim they are, but continue to date one jerk after another until they are almost 30. The latest trend is to declare “Nice Guys” as being “Creepy”, because “They are just pretending to be nice to get me into bed”. The best course of action is to give everyone the respect they deserve and not put them on a pedestal just because of their gender.
I agree most women aren’t, but as I illustrated here in this article, some are. The idea here is that the author of the original article encourages men to stop trying to be nice at all because of those “most women” – whereas I say to remain true to who you are and eventually, you will find a member of the minority who appreciates it.
I agree 100% with what was written. This web site should be applauded.
Question. ….
Why not treat her like you’d want a young man to treat your daighter?
Such a great article! I really enjoyed reading what you have to say on this topic. Thanks for sharing!
You are a man among men and I enjoy the writing… you lost some points though with “Margot’s boyfriend before me left much to be desired.” While we all want to trash the guy before us, we are smarter to ignore it and internally know we are better fit than the previous relationship. Tough when sometimes the past history creates roadblocks that must be overcome. Either way the past is just that. Thanks for a great read
“Past and history” used side by side makes one of the words redundant. Please pick one. I apologize for being a grammar freak. It comes from years of my Father constantly correcting any one of his children….anywhere.
Don’t apologize..I don’t mind when I learn something new..or should have known whatever the story How about “previous circumstances” instead.
Patty and Brutus, I just read your back and forth and realized that I used the phrase “past history” in a my research paper that is in the rough draft stage. I immediately pulled it up on corrected the mistake. Thank you!
..and need to spell check my replies! haha.
I like it! Definitely as thinking man’s choice of words.
Don’t overlook punctuation. There should be a period after the word ‘story’. It’s all love my friend.
It’s killing me that that excuse for a man wrote it actually got approved by his boss to publish it
So frank and powerful, love it! So much truth and meaning!
Reblogged this on De$t!ny and commented:
Another great post from Mr. Sama
“There’s a woman waiting for YOU to prove that all men are NOT the same. The question is: Will you prove her wrong or right?”
Love, love, love this post. Treat a lady just the way you would like your daughter to be treated by a man. It is so important as men to treat our wives and mother of our child or children with love and respect because our children are watching us. It is the training ground for our children. Great post Mr. Sama.
Great post. It’s a good reminder that you never know where you will find love. So be true to yourself and your morals and values at all times. Sure there will be times when you look like a fool or the girl wants nothing to do with you, but that is life. You can’t and shouldn’t try to please everyone. Be your best at all times and you will find the one for you along the way.
I sound like a broken record. Keep up the good work James. The small things do count. Ive kept a smile on my face and held doors for strangers, been polite while standing in line anywhere and its gotten me conversation starters from quite a few women. They do exist 🙂
Just wanted to share this story. Tim and I have been together for almost 30 years and married for 23 years. He still opens my door and does so many little things it’s wonderful and likewise, I do many little things for him. My daughter, who is 16, had her first boyfriend last fall. After about 2 months, she broke up with him and advised me that he wasn’t a gentleman like dad. Now she’s dating a boy that opens her door, actually calls her every evening and they chat (who does that anymore?), takes her to lunch and dinner and though she tries to pay, he won’t let her, and does not pressure her sexually. And she is always telling me that he is just like dad, a true gentleman and she keeps telling me that she has no interest in anyone else because it’s a rarity to find someone like him. Will they last? Who knows. But what I do know is that even at the age of 16, she will not settle for a guy who is not a gentleman.
So just like you said, there are girls who party and not interested in solid relationships and there are those who and more solidly grounded. You just have to be astute when you meet people and you also have to know what it is you are looking for in a person.
I love reading your blogs and so wished more men were like you. I’m one of those good women who would give anything to meet a man who truly appreciates me for all I am because I go above and beyond for the man in my life. I’m so tired of being betrayed, hurt, and my heart broke because men who have been hurt in the past feel all women are the same….Hurt them before they will hurt you! Well, that simply isn’t true. I believe every person entering into a new relationship deserves to come into it with a clean slate as neither are responsible for any past hurts the other endured. Today is a sad day for me….thank you for sharing your loving wisdom….
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In case you wanted to read the referenced article: http://web.archive.org/web/20130611104224/http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/do-anything-nice-for-girl
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