When building a new relationship, one of the most important factors is earning your partner’s trust. Falling in love is giving another person the power to hurt you, and also the faith that they won’t.
If you’re starting out in a relationship and you feel like you’re behind the 8-ball, here’s what it might be.
Guys are stupid.
While you are a perfectly respectable gentleman who is just looking for a chance to show her that you’re different, the harsh truth is that she doesn’t have any reason to believe you just yet. This is because your predecessors have done the rest of the male race a disservice and let us down.
Maybe she was cheated on or lied to in the past. Maybe she’s had worse experiences than she cares to tell you about just yet, but try not to take it personally. All she has to go on in the beginning is her past. The bottom line is that you won’t gain her trust by telling her you’re different, you’ll gain it by showing her.
You won’t look her in the eye.
New relationships can be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you’re really into someone. A natural tendency when you’re nervous is to (seem like) you’re avoiding eye-contact. While this might just be your shyness or nerves showing, it will look to her like you’re not being honest and up front with her.
Don’t stare at her constantly, but it’s important to show her that you’re genuine and are paying attention to her – remember, actions speak louder than words.
Women pay very close attention and they have a great intuition. If you’re being dishonest or exaggerating something up front, and then change – it will drive your new relationship right into a brick wall. Make sure your actions are consistent with your words – don’t tell her you want something long term if all you’re looking for is a little fun.
She doesn’t need you to be the perfect man, just the man you said you were when you met her.
You’re pushing too hard, too soon.
It’s 2014, many dating “rules” have gone out the window, and if two consenting adults want to be physically active with each other early in the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Key phrase: Two consenting adults.
If she gets the vibe that you’ve taken her to dinner just looking for a “reward” later in the night, she’ll be running in the other direction. Now, maybe that’s what you both want, in which case more power to you – but if she is looking for something more serious, you can expect her to take a cab home.
You haven’t put your trust in her yet.
One of the best ways to get trust, is to give it. If you’re snooping around or trying to read her texts or acting like she can’t be trusted, it will make her wonder if you’re hiding something or projecting your own insecurities onto her.
Trusting someone is a risk, but so are many aspects of a relationship. It’s a foundation that needs to be built at a mutually beneficial pace for both parties.
It’s important to realize that if a woman barely knows you and doesn’t trust you, it says more about her insecurities and her past than it does about you. Try not to take it personally.
But, if you have real feelings for her and would like to show her it’s okay to bring her walls down, make sure you are genuine about your intentions and show her that you are real. As men, each of us has the opportunity to show a woman that we are not all the same. Will you?
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