5 Reasons She Doesn’t Trust You (Yet)
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When building a new relationship, one of the most important factors is earning your partner’s trust. Falling in love is giving another person the power to hurt you, and also the faith that they won’t.
If you’re starting out in a relationship and you feel like you’re behind the 8-ball, here’s what it might be.
Guys are stupid.
While you are a perfectly respectable gentleman who is just looking for a chance to show her that you’re different, the harsh truth is that she doesn’t have any reason to believe you just yet. This is because your predecessors have done the rest of the male race a disservice and let us down.
Maybe she was cheated on or lied to in the past. Maybe she’s had worse experiences than she cares to tell you about just yet, but try not to take it personally. All she has to go on in the beginning is her past. The bottom line is that you won’t gain her trust by telling her you’re different, you’ll gain it by showing her.
You won’t look her in the eye.
New relationships can be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you’re really into someone. A natural tendency when you’re nervous is to (seem like) you’re avoiding eye-contact. While this might just be your shyness or nerves showing, it will look to her like you’re not being honest and up front with her.
Don’t stare at her constantly, but it’s important to show her that you’re genuine and are paying attention to her – remember, actions speak louder than words.
You’re inconsistent.
Women pay very close attention and they have a great intuition. If you’re being dishonest or exaggerating something up front, and then change – it will drive your new relationship right into a brick wall. Make sure your actions are consistent with your words – don’t tell her you want something long term if all you’re looking for is a little fun.
She doesn’t need you to be the perfect man, just the man you said you were when you met her.
You’re pushing too hard, too soon.
It’s 2014, many dating “rules” have gone out the window, and if two consenting adults want to be physically active with each other early in the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Key phrase: Two consenting adults.
If she gets the vibe that you’ve taken her to dinner just looking for a “reward” later in the night, she’ll be running in the other direction. Now, maybe that’s what you both want, in which case more power to you – but if she is looking for something more serious, you can expect her to take a cab home.
You haven’t put your trust in her yet.
One of the best ways to get trust, is to give it. If you’re snooping around or trying to read her texts or acting like she can’t be trusted, it will make her wonder if you’re hiding something or projecting your own insecurities onto her.
Trusting someone is a risk, but so are many aspects of a relationship. It’s a foundation that needs to be built at a mutually beneficial pace for both parties.
It’s important to realize that if a woman barely knows you and doesn’t trust you, it says more about her insecurities and her past than it does about you. Try not to take it personally.
But, if you have real feelings for her and would like to show her it’s okay to bring her walls down, make sure you are genuine about your intentions and show her that you are real. As men, each of us has the opportunity to show a woman that we are not all the same. Will you?
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ok seriously, this article could have been written to JUST ME! I have the hardest time trusting men, because I have been let down by the “I’m different” story more times than I care to count. Every man on the planet should read this article, because it says exactly what they need to hear! Thank you so much!!
I find it hard to trust men because they say one thing but then do something else. Like if you ask a guy do you want a commitment he’ll say yes but he won’t answer your text messages or calls.
Exactly! Then he wonders why you “quit talking to him” because he still really wants to be with you. Well EFFING SHOW IT! Actions speak SO MUCH LOUDER than words EVER WILL! Can you tell I feel passionately about this subject??
I don’t think you don’t trust men I think they hate themselves and sabotage their own efforts with women out of sheer spite by making women who trust them feel andro-phobic men don’t love themselves, I have known so many women and they all trusted men at one point its not your fault its their fault they don’t trust you, young women still have to respect their male teachers because they hold the authoritative positions in most of society he is playing you to make you think that you don’t trust them he is making a fool out of you. Certain men want you to feel afraid of men they are idiots and they promote man hate themselves.
He is the one who doesn’t love himself enough to trust you to let you in long enough to have a proper relationship. Men behave like idiots I had one teacher defending himself because he thought the student who actually trusted him was a racist but she wasn’t she trusted him and he treated her badly he wanted her to feel andro-phobic he did it on purpose some men can’t handle a woman trusting them so they sabotage it.
That teacher didn’t love himself he loved the idea that she was racist instead of the actual facts men do this to shame and humiliate women they like it, they like it when women hate them they stir up trouble because they are not responsible for their actions they have been getting jobs and getting away with abusing all the time.
excellent article, i cannot agree more, though my problem is the other way round, my fiance dont trust me, we are due to get married in 3months, but at this stage I dont see that happening< we are together for 5 and a half years already, and i can tell you this hurts, it hurts so much
There are only three things a man needs to know. The third one is the more important and I learned it from my father when he was literally on his death bed.
1) pay attention
2) respect all others
3) be reliable (he literally barked through his oxygen mask “just be reliable”)
Everything else flows from these. If you pay attention to a woman (really pay attention), respect her and are reliable then everything else will work if it can work.
And by following those rules, i’m willing to bet you are in a fairly healthy relationship, am I right? Either that, or you haven’t found a woman who actually values those things (Which I find hard to believe) 🙂
Yes, I found a woman (or, more accurately, she found me) that has taught me a great deal by trusting ME and allowing me to be myself. I was NOT always the man I am now. She found me after I had learned some hard lessons which I learned because I was NOT “that guy”.
I would like to see the formation of an organization made up of some of us “older” men dedicated to mentoring the younger men toward being BETTER men.
Mike, Brilliant idea with the organization you mentioned!! It’s sort of like being a Big Brother to a young boy, only fast forward another decade and now he’s 18-25. He still needs that role model, only for different issues. Please, please….consider forming something like this — it would be vastly popular because it is immensely needed. Divorce rates would greatly drop. By the same token, women in that age bracket could use their own mentoring, couldn’t they!? Divorce rates wold drop some more. I’m twice divorced, so I’m coming from “some” experience. I think you make excellent points and the imagery of your father is intensely potent.
Stephanie
Perfect, James. Perfect!
21 years old here. Is that young? I have always found these thing to be obvious. I have acted from that center as much as I could. What has happened? I have more success with older women (who are nice, but not what I am looking for) than I had seemed to with girls my age.
There is a point in all this, It’s not just about men to women or the other way around. It is about all of us, what we seek for, and how we can have it. The more more of us click into this setting, of being as you want to be been to. The more the sleepers will notice since they will recognize the difference in the elation towards things that is carried by Ladies and Gentlemen.
I very much relate to your first paragraph. I am 25 years old and just now feel like I am entering into the category with women who are looking for more than a fraternity boy. From 18 to 24 years old ALL my female peers were uninteresting, but the “real women” were out of reach because they were either TOO much older or I was young enough that being given a chance was out of the question in their mind.
It is truly an issue of both sexes. Men have settled to indulge their carnal pleasures with no intent of following through on a meaningful level and women have been convinced that this is “normal, status quo, and fun.”
In my experience there are a few more reasons and they’re harder to overcome. 1) Childhood experiences have destroyed their natural ability to trust anyone 2) They come from a culture where everyone is suspicious of each other 3) She has had a string of bad relationships in which her trust was betrayed 4) She is herself untrustworthy and treats everyone the same way.
My chronicles of Baltic Babe is where I learned of the first three in one fell swoop…
My advice to anyone picking up on someone else’s trust issues: get to the root cause and see if it can be fixed. Factor in how long that would take. Are you likely to succeed? Is it worth the effort?
Keep in mind that some people are damaged no matter what and can’t be relationship material despite your best effort. Put aside your White Knight syndrome (I used to have it) and move on to finding someone who deserves you.
Women have a tough job out there to sort through people and size them up. Physically and emotionally they have more vulnerabilities and therefore it makes sense for them to be cautious in ways men often can’t understand. It is a smart woman who understands risks and respects herself enough to set limits and go slowly.
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hie guys, I have a girl friend who believes in gosip from others who claim to know me better. she always hit on me each time she hears something before she hears my side of the story. how should i handle this lady….given i luv hr so mch?
Men that don’t love themselves continually reject women that respect them and trust them, this happens all the time it will only change when he starts to love himself. Men have low esteem because they get jobs they don’t deserve because the person in charge is another man who sees him as a friend.
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