Where Have The Ladies Gone? Class And The Modern Woman…

I recently wrote a post titled What it takes to be a modern gentleman in the 21st century, and some people suggested I put together something similar for the women of our generation.

So, I started to think.

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I started to think about the years I had spent in the “club scene” before I finally lost interest in it. I started to think about the party girls of our generation. I started to think about the constant Facebook statuses I see pop up from girls about how “all guys are the same” or how these poor innocent girls are always being mistreated. (Hint: It’s not always someone else’s fault…)

The phrase “they don’t make’em like they used to” comes to mind. A quick flip through any of their Facebook photos will often find either a party lifestyle, a plethora of self-absorbed selfies, or a sequence of ex-boyfriends that all look like cardboard cutouts of each other – none of whom would I trust taking care of a plant, let alone a woman’s feelings.

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If you find that you’re always ending up with the same kind of guy – perhaps you should start looking in different places. Dig through your friend zone and see who you left there. Try going to a nice lounge or restaurant with your friends instead of being “up in da club,” and most of all – take a look in the mirror…and not to take a picture.

I could spend hours talking about the decline of chivalry and men being men, but that’s not the topic here.

Girls, the “I don’t need no man” philosophy is literally murdering relationships and dragging them through the mud. I am as progressive as they come in terms of equality, but there are still things that make men feel like men, and we still enjoy doing them.

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We know you don’t need us, but we want to feel like you want us. The last thing a self-respecting man would want to do is chase after, or commit to, a woman who makes him feel unwanted. You stop that right now.

Another point – the point of “class” – which encompasses a word that unfortunately has seemed to have lost its meaning. “Class” is not about the price tag on your outfit. If I had a dollar for every girl who called herself classy because she was wearing Louboutins I’d never have to work a day again.

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Speaking of your outfit – less is not more. If you’re looking to be taken seriously by a “good guy,” leave the club attire at home. It’s very possible to look sexy without sacrificing your self respect. I’m sure you could find a million fashion blogs with better suggestions than I could ever give – My only suggestion is that you do so.

Real class is about how you carry yourself, how you interact with others, and how you treat those around you. I don’t care what you’re wearing, driving, or where you’re living – if you’ve got an ugly attitude, none of it matters.

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This leads me to another point – You are no better than anyone else simply because you got lucky in the gene pool and happened to come out resembling Adriana Lima through no work of your own.

  • Side note: Guys, this is where you come in. Guys really need to stop drooling over every woman they see who is even mediocre looking on social media. Compliments have become so watered down that even being nice or friendly to a woman is seen with suspicion and they assume you want something from them. Guys who drool on Facebook are the new car-window-yellers. That never worked either, cut it out.

The attitude that the world owes you something because you get 600 likes on every photo you post is not only unsubstantiated, but will come back to bite you in the ass in your later years. If your parents or boyfriends never taught you the value of putting in your own effort and earning what you deserve rather than having it handed to you – then time will be your professor when it comes to that lesson.


Many girls these days seem to skate along on the assumption that because they’re pretty now, they can ride around in exotic cars, party on yachts, take vacations on their boyfriend’s dime, and this will just last forever. Well – harsh voice of reason: It won’t.

There will be a day when you look in the mirror and wonder why you’re still single. You’ll wonder why nobody saw your true, inner beauty, which I’m sure many of you have. And ultimately the answer will be: You were suckered into putting up unbreakable walls because you dealt with some poor excuses for men, and just assumed they were all the same.

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You gave the wrong things to the wrong people for too long, and the person who truly would have cared for you and treated you like you deserve to be treated, may not have been in the right “scene” or driven the right car, so you let him float down by the wayside.

Also: Read a book now and then. Being sexy isn’t just about working on your body – it’s also about working on your mind. One of the many great things about my girlfriend is that she can challenge me intellectually and always keeps me sharp.

I had to crack open a lot of oysters before I found the pearl that is my beautiful, (truly) classy, well educated girlfriend – just like many of you girls will have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince…but never settle for the frog. You’re better than that.

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A beautiful face means nothing without a beautiful heart.


47 thoughts on “Where Have The Ladies Gone? Class And The Modern Woman…

      1. I think you should speak at high schools!
        Educating youth is needed !
        Respect morals self respect kindness and thinking of others is dying, no body is accountable for what comes out of there mouth , because they hide behind a screen!
        And so on and so on & in this (lies)
        The problem!!!!

  1. James, you’re feisty tonight. 🙂
    Christopher Hitchens once said “men need women and don’t like the fact that they need women.” http://youtu.be/rmJDAzgvp6o
    What goes around comes around? He also said that the impulse to own women would be there whether they believed in god or not. We’ve got a ways to go, as we are still under the influence of patriarchal social structures.
    Happy you found an intelligent, ‘classy’ woman. They are all around if you could but perceive. Stay off Facebook, for crying out loud. Using your words “you stop that right now”. lol

    and treated you like a princess

    I don’t know too many intelligent, ‘classy’ woman who want to be treated like a ‘princess’.
    Best friend? Now you’re talking.

  2. This is so true. It is sad however that the way society is built today, facilitates quite the opposite. Great blog. I wish there were more successful, well spoken, good looking men who put this message out there to women. Just maybe the women of this generation might get a nudge in the right direction from it.

  3. I cant even count how many women I have said the exact same thing to, its nice to hear it from a man. This is a definite facebook share.

  4. Unfortunately this is a case of women’s liberation being hijacked and manipulated. There are less and less role models and more being sexualised. Mila kunis was told by a studio if she didn’t pose on the cover of sports illustrated she would no longer have future jobs with them. That is what our culture has come to.

  5. Totally agree, there are too many of these women taking selfies every five minutes (and I won’t even go into detail about all the add ons, fake eyelashes, tan etc). Does she need 100+ likes to feel more valuable? To feed her self esteem?
    I can’t believe how many of these, type of women my boyfriend had on his Facebook (and he had never even met them). Had added them before we got together of course. These women are nothing without their modifications (tans, hair extensions etc). Why? I am not talking about the way they look, but the way they act. They spend so much time on their aesthetics that they don’t put the effort in to grow as a person. Why fuel it men?

  6. I just want to say that from a modern feminist perspective this is deeply sexist. You talk about being well educated but it is abundantly clear you have had little to no engagement with modern feminist literature and culture. If you had you would know that shaming women for being promiscuous is sexist, even just saying the word “friendzone” is sexist and assuming women need to be treated as “special” by men is very sexist.

    Just my opinion.

    1. Thanks for your comment, but calling me sexist is offensive and insulting, considering the message I am trying to send here.

      Perhaps your time would be better spend scouring the articles of men who are actually trying to belittle women, rather than promote honesty, mutual respect, and understanding.

    2. From a Woman….., both men and women should be treated as “special” and being promiscuous is not acceptable for both sexes. women have somehow got the assumption because its done by men women can do it too. See how far that gets …even the promiscuous men wish they had slowed down a bit. This laissezfair attitude we have with young women is going to be the decline of the generations.

  7. It is people like Feminazi that have helped destroy women’s self respect and encouraged them to lower their standards. Men and women ARE different, and compliment each other with these differences. Thank you for trying to resurrect what is so close to being lost- classiness in ones actions, and respect towards all.

  8. Its mother fuckers like Feminazi and the whole trend and movement of these mother fuckers (feminist) movements that have destroyed good relationships and homes due to their ignorant and bullshit propaganda they rally for! I for one have no respect or regard for these mother fuckers! A good bloke rights a good article to try and pump some sense and make awareness to whats been lost some mother fucking feminist comes along with some dumb stupid opinion… Keep that shit to yourself B.I.T.C.H!!!!! Good on ya for a good article James Michael Sama and please don’t mind that stupid ass bitch feminazi insulting you and what you have written, keep up the good work mate 😉

  9. Reblogged this on Marvin Mathew and commented:
    Loved this blog by James Michael Sama. Education & Class are gorgeous.
    “Also: Read a book now and then. Being sexy isn’t just about working on your body – it’s also about working on your mind. One of the many great things about my girlfriend is that she can challenge me intellectually and always keeps me sharp.”

  10. This is the first of your blogs that I have read. Im very impressed. Being young and married (3 years now ), I am lucky to have parents that taught me these values. I have had a great marriage so far by doing what I can to step aside and let him call the shots in most things. Like you, we are progressive in understanding how important equality is in the marriage (both working, household chores, children chores). In the end though, we are old fashioned in who has final say; usually me. But on rare occasions when it’s a no go, it’s a cocrete decision. Hope to read many more of your blogs!

  11. Both women and men are under great pressure to be, dress, act, and perform in certain ways all the damn time. The pressure comes from every angle and the messages contradict themselves at every turn. So can we just stop it with these “this is how a REAL woman/man behaves!” posts? Please? I know you mean well, Sama, but this sort of outlook doesn’t help anyone. It only further classifies people as worthy and unworthy.

    You know what?
    It’s okay to sleep around. Be safe. Respect your partners, and don’t accept disrespect from them.
    It’s okay to marry young and remain faithful to your spouse.
    It’s okay to go to church.
    It’s okay to go to the club.
    It’s okay to wear impractical heels and show as much cleavage as you want.
    It’s okay to not feel comfortable doing that.
    It’s okay to LIKE cleavage.
    It’s okay to prefer women who dress more modestly.
    It’s okay to take a bunch of selfies because you like the way you look.
    It’s okay to not give a shit about how you look.
    It’s okay to just live the kind of life you want to live, and do the things you want to do, and wear what you like to wear, and seek out the people you like being around, and change your mind about any of that, at any time, and go a different direction.

    You take in what you put out. If you like having lots of piercings and tattoos, chances are you’ll attract a partner who likes those things about you. If you want to just go out and party and screw around, you’ll find like-minded company. If you want to fall in love and settle down and start a family, there are millions of beautiful people around you seeking the same thing. Pick one and strike up a conversation. This isn’t rocket science. It’s humanity. There’s no one way to Be A Good Person. There’s no one way to Be A Man. There’s no one way to Be A Lady. There’s only being yourself, and owning it, and dismissing others’ definitions. I’m a lady–whether I’m in a sweater and jeans helping my neighbor move, or dressed to party, or waking up at 4am to surprise my boyfriend with breakfast, or standing stark naked over someone I’ve known less than 24 hours–and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

  12. While I agree partially with your post, I would like to respectfully point out a few things. Commenting on a woman’s attire saying that the club wear is only going to attract scumbags is along the same lines as don’t dress sexy because then you’ll be “asking for it”. It’s every woman’s right to dress how they want to! If a woman is proud of her body and has worked hard for it, then by all means she is entitled to show it off! If a woman is proud of her butt, her breasts, her legs, etc. then she should not be judged for emphasizing a part of her body that she loves. It’s our society that is messed up when it comes to sexuality. Yes, the whole notion that sex sells can be degrading and yes, we can exude sex appeal wearing a classy one piece rather than a skimpy two piece. But, the more important point is it’s a woman’s choice as to which one makes her feel confident! So as some commenters have pointed out, maybe men shouldn’t think they can act like a scumbag just because a woman dresses a certain way. There are times I feel like getting dressed up in club wear and I have no interest in any man at the club. I dress the way I do because I like it and I shouldn’t have to defend that. And other women shouldn’t have to defend their actions. THAT is what needs to be changed. Now this is just a generalization of course (so don’t point out that, no! Not everyone is like that. I am aware) but far more often than not, women have to defend their choices and men do not. So I am sorry, while you do make some good points (don’t dumb it down ladies!) other points cannot be so simply explained.

  13. Reblogged this on Venistine Blog and commented:
    “Class” is not about the price tag on your outfit.
    Real class is about how you carry yourself, how you interact with others, and how you treat those around you. I don’t care what you’re wearing, driving, or where you’re living – if you’ve got an ugly attitude, none of it matters.

  14. Well unfortunately the women of today have really Changed for the Worst compared to the real Good old fashioned women that we once had when Most of them were the Best of all. What in the world happened to the women of today?

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