I’d like to start this off by saying that I believe it is 100% the responsibility of an individual to control their own actions. If a man is going to be a gentleman, he should be a gentleman towards everyone – not just a certain type or class of people. It is dependent on who he is, not who they are.
That being said, today’s dating world is tricky. People talk about courtship and romance as if it is some fabled tale of unicorns and leprechauns. The truth is, these things are alive and well, and we find them if we stop settling for less than we deserve, and have the discipline to be patient and only accept the love and respect we should receive.
If women accept less, then (some) men will continue to do less. Here are a few suggestions to help bring back chivalry and romance.
“Hey, wanna hang out?” texts.
This of course only goes for situations where you want something more than just a casual arrangement with someone. If this is a guy that you’re feeling out to see if he would be a good partner in the long term, then it’s important to recognize whether or not he is making a real investment in building a relationship.
If the maximum effort he puts in during the courting phase is inviting you over to watch a movie on a weekend, what reason do you have to believe he will pull his weight in a committed relationship?
If you keep agreeing to go and hang out with him, you have little to no chance of him changing his ways. Why would he?
ANY SORT OF ABUSE WHATSOEVER.
Were the bold italic letters really necessary? Yes. They were.
Too many women stay in relationships where there is abuse. This doesn’t *necessarily* mean there is physical abuse, but mental and/or emotional can be just as hurtful, in different ways.
It doesn’t matter how much you “love” someone or how much they’ve convinced you they love you in return, if they make you miserable more than they make you happy, you need to let them go.
Carrying the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you are with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate.
Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them – but what I’m referring to here is someone who is just apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care.
You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
Invasion of privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages – whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing you a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
*Note – This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
He doesn’t improve your confidence.
My belief is that a man should always be making his woman feel beautiful. It doesn’t have to be a grand romantic gesture, but a simple text during the day or a kiss on the forehead can be enough to make her smile and feel appreciated.
If your man doesn’t help you feel better about yourself (he should never make you feel worse), you might be settling for less than you deserve.
Some people think that second chances are acceptable. I, on the other hand, think that if someone discarded your feelings enough to cheat on you once, they’ll do it again. There is no excuse for it, and you deserve better.
Continuously repeating the same mistakes.
A second chance means nothing if they haven’t learned from their first mistake. Someone who keeps promising to change or do things differently, but repeatedly doesn’t, is showing you a clear pattern that you need to recognize. If these are issues that are causing problems for you or your life, it may be time to walk away.
Having to keep working for his approval.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
Constantly feeling put aside.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it is certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something.
A guy’s gotta have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list.
If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
His lack of ambition.
I don’t know how many times I’ve seen women online talking about how they just want to find a guy who has “a job and a car.”
Like…que? What? Huh?
Has society become so desperate that women are actually hoping for something so basic and rudimentary?
Women used to look to meet a man who had ambitions, goals, and dreams. These days they’re being forced to stick their hand into the proverbial lottery wheel and just be content with whatever they pull out.
Gentlemen, we have got to collectively step our game up and become better men. We can only build better, happier relationships with ourselves and with others if we start from within.
Do you justify their actions to your friends or family? Even worse – are you justifying their actions to yourself? Making excuses for the way someone is consistently falling short in a relationship really means that you’re aware of the problems, but aren’t willing to admit them. The first step towards happiness is being honest with yourself.
It is not your job to carry someone through life. It is their responsibility to continuously improve both as an individual, and as part of a team. There are plenty of men out there who want the best for themselves, their life, and their significant other – if this is the type of person you want, and you’re not with them, it might be time to start asking yourself why.
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