8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.

As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.

Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.

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Giving up your seat.

Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman, elderly person, or anyone else worthy of respect – forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.

Only one in seven men will offer their seat to a woman on a train or bus.

Pulling out a woman’s chair.

This one, as many others, is simple but rare. You don’t have to run around to your date’s side of the table to make sure you pull out her chair each time, but when convenient, it’s a nice extra touch.

Less than one in five men will regularly pull out a chair for a woman to sit down. That’s under 20%.

Open doors for her.

I have countless articles with this point already in them, but it’s one of the staples of chivalrous respect and probably the easiest to perform, as we all walk through doors every day. I don’t want to make any assumptions, but something tells me the extra few seconds it takes to open a door or let someone walk through first won’t ruin your day.

The same goes for car doors, a woman will appreciate you getting out of the car to open the door for her, or walking around to her side first. It’s amazing to me how many men don’t do this. I do it literally every single time my girlfriend (or any woman) gets into my car.

Call, don’t text a date invite.

Just the fact that you would take the time to actually call a woman to ask her out on a date will put you lightyears ahead of your competition (of which there is a lot). Plus, you’ll be able to tell how excited or enthusiastic she is (or isn’t) about accepting your offer by actually hearing her voice.

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Compliments, compliments, compliments.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that it’s a rare occasion for a woman to be complimented in her relationship?

What? Why?

Every guy in a relationship should take the time every day to let his woman know how beautiful he thinks she is.

Walking on the street-side of the sidewalk.

The purpose of this lost art is to show your willingness to be splashed instead of a woman should a passing car run through a puddle. Furthermore, in some countries people would throw trash out of windows, and the person walking closer to the building, was less likely to be hit.

It’s an effortless way to show her that you care.

Walking her to her door.

At the end of your date, especially early on in the relationship, walk her safely to her door. This is especially important if she lives in a city. It shows you’re willing to put effort into protecting her and makes her feel safe – two important aspects of building her trust and comfort.

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Parking far away? Drop her off first.

If you’re having a hard time finding a parking space close to her destination, offer to drop her off at the door while you go and look for a spot. She may be fine with walking the distance, but it’s a nice gesture to save her the effort, especially if she’s wearing heels.
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As gentlemen in modern times, you automatically stand out from the crowd. These points above are easy and free, but one would be surprised how rarely they actually occur. For those of us who naturally make it part of our daily lives, it’s difficult to picture how someone else couldn’t. But – it happens.

The new era of chivalry is not rooted in the chauvinistic mindset of the past. We have evolved past performing these acts for women because “they can’t do it themselves.”

The new gentleman performs these acts for the right reasons – love, caring, and respect.

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1,517 thoughts on “8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

  1. “the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed.”

    So are classy women. Both genders evolved together. These Male Feminist types who cozy up to women by chanting their “im a real gentleman, darlin” are just as phoney, if not worse. Opening doors is a common courtesy. Walking someone to a door is an excuse to spend more time with her. Giving up your seat? That should also be reserved for your elders. This isn’t a Men-Forget-How-To-Respect-Stuff issue, it’s a collective issue, both boys and girls alike. We tell girls to empower themselves to be confident, strong individuals, but then we dumb them down with this chivalry “crusade” like your’e somehow saving them from themselves. Quit the whinging and just be nice to each other. It’s called a relationship, not a relations pertaining to see how much a man can do to impress a women. Define Love, then reevaluate your plea for chivalry. They’ll sound different.

    • Our culture is laboring under almost a century of feminist agitprop, pushing for women to take what is properly the role of men. Women must allow men to be chivalrous by not getting in the way of their chivalry. Good men must be allowed to assume the roles of leadership and of protection that come naturally to them. Some, misguided by the culture (or lack thereof) of this age, consider that chivalry is somewhat sexist. That, of course, is ludicrous. To acknowledge that sexism is bad does not mean that there is no difference between the sexes. In fact, to deny this is not only to fight against unjust discrimination, but is to also deny the specific goods that can be found in the difference between male and female. Men and women are different. This is true on a biological, neurological, psycho-social, emotional, and spiritual level. Both men and women are equal in dignity, but we are certainly not the same. Chivalry is service. It trains men to appreciate the dignity of women, as people who are worth serving; people who are worth sacrificing for. On the broader picture, chivalry trains young boys to be real men; those who will see the needs of others, and use their strength to serve those in need. Women, too, need to get back in touch with their femininity, something that this culture downplays. Of course, most males of today’s generation ask for nothing more than to dump old traditions such as the etiquette of chivalry, and nothing could be more worrisome than finding women who actually support this undignifying trend.

      • I disagree with that.
        There is nothing inherent in women that makes them more worth serving or sacrificing for than men.
        Service and sacrifice work in two levels. People either do it for the ones they love, in which case it matters not their gender, or they do it for other people, in which case it matters not their gender.

        I won´t become the servant or sacrifice myself for a random woman just because she´s a woman. I´ll do it because she has earned it or because I choose to do it because she´s a human, and I´d do it for any other human as well.

        You´re still a sexist, albeit a benevolent one. Some women will love your point because it will put them in a pedestal and turn them into a princess maiden that should be served by the selfless white knight.

        I am of equal worth as any woman. Any woman is of equal worth as any man. My life, integrity and well being are as important, and as a believer of equality, I refuse to put anyone below myself and to put myself below anyone.

        Chivalry is inequality. Chivalry is sexism. That´s all I need to know.

      • The problem here is when people think doing a kindness for others makes them themselves subservient – there is no basis for this whatsoever.

        Women show men respect in different ways than we show it to them. To promote chivalry is not to say that women have no responsibility towards the man in their life, or that they are superior to us, it is simply to just discuss the issue from a man’s perspective.

        I have other articles on how women can be romantic and show appreciation towards their boyfriend/husband as well. While they are equally important, they are not equal in nature.

        Men and women are different, as are how we show our appreciation to each other. There is no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ in that.

      • Not in my view. The problem is that you keep changing the language between comments to maintain your position.

        The other commenter didn’t say doing a kindness, he explicitly said “as people who are worth serving; people who are worth sacrificing for”. Sacrificing for someone could be seen as heroic or selfless, but calling someone “worth serving” goes well beyond kindness.

        Serving someone implies hierarchy, implies someone above and someone below, implies someone who is more worthy than the other, at least in the context of the relationship.

        Taking into account what he said, saying that someone is worth serving does indeed “makes them themselves subservient”, to use your own words.

        As I said in another comment, chivalry is not kindness, and using the two terms in an equivalent fashion is a way of muddling the argument. Kindness is not or should not be gender dependent. If you’re kind to women only because they’re women, and not to men, you’re putting men in a position where they deserve less or no kindness. Therefore inequality.

        If, on the other hand, you’re kind to everyone, gender not withstanding, then it’s not chivalry. It’s you being a good person to other persons.

        “To promote chivalry is not to say that women have no responsibility towards the man in their life, or that they are superior to us, it is simply to just discuss the issue from a man’s perspective”

        But the thing is that chivalry is not directed to a specific woman, the “woman in your life”, if you will, but to all women. Either you don’t understand what chivalry is or I don’t. I’m going to this definition taken from wikipedia “Duties to women: this is probably the most familiar aspect of chivalry. This would contain what is often called courtly love, the idea that the knight is to serve a lady, and after her all other ladies. Most especially in this category is a general gentleness and graciousness to all women”.
        Based on this, chivalry’s acts of “kindness” are extended to ALL women, not just the woman in your life.

        Do you accept this as a definition of chivalry? I think this is important to this discussion since, from my perspective, you seem to be going back and forth between a definition of chivalry as kindness to the woman in your life and kindness to all and any woman.

        “I have other articles on how women can be romantic and show appreciation towards their boyfriend/husband as well”

        See what I mean? Are you promoting chivalry as in kind things you do to your wife/girlfriend/significant other? I don’t think so because in your original post you seem to imply that, for example, men should give their chair to any woman who’s standing. If that’s correct, the comparison you offer is flawed since you’re advocating kindness towards one specific special man with kindness to all women.
        Are these women you mention romantic and appreciative towards all men, or only their boyfriend/husband?

        “Men and women are different, as are how we show our appreciation to each other. There is no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ in that.”

        Again, I agree with showing my appreciation and love to my girlfriend/wife, of course, provided that she does the same.

        But why should I show this appreciation and love to the random woman standing on the bus? A woman who’s able bodied, young and not pregnant is standing there, and I’m sitting. Why does she have more of a right to the seat than I have?
        I don’t know this woman, never seen her in my life, not my wife, not my girlfriend, not my friend, not my relative. Should I give her my seat? If so, why? Again, try to avoid using the words girlfriend, wife, love or romantic. This is a woman I don’t know, why should I give her my seat? I’m curious to see if you can offer a reason besides “because you’re a man and she’s a woman”.

      • I cant believe how this conversation has gotten so waaaayyy off! What the hell is everybody so upset about?! People can be so selfish. Why is it that if your kind or sacrifice some minor comfort (like giving up a seat) its implied that youre somehow beneath the beneficiary? People dont actually have to be “deserving” of an act of kindness for you to just be kind to them. How many of us are not really ” deserving” of someone being kind at times? Really… Most of the time if we all got what we”deserved” ,especially by the way we act,or attitudes,kindness probably wouldn’t even be a word. Somehow the world has come to the point of why would i do that for her/ him? They’re not better than me. Open your own door,nothing wrong with your hands. Being in a marrige or any successful relationship you will find serving each other will make for a much better time. Stop being so selfish. Ill only do it for you if you do it for me. Stupid. All that kind of attitude will get you is being alone or stuck with someone(spouse,girlfriend,boyfriend, friends,or family) that is just as nasty,mean and selfish as yourself. Grow up and get over yourselves! Geez!

      • “People can be so selfish. Why is it that if your kind or sacrifice some minor comfort (like giving up a seat) its implied that youre somehow beneath the beneficiary?”

        Because it’s not being done out of desire to help but of obligation based on the genders. Because chivarly says that a man has to give his seat to a woman but not a woman to a man.

        ” People dont actually have to be “deserving” of an act of kindness for you to just be kind to them. How many of us are not really ” deserving” of someone being kind at times? ”

        I don’t know about you, but I’m kind to people I meet without caring for their gender and help the ones I can, so I think I deserve the same kindness in return. If you feel undeserving, live with it or get help, but don’t project that on the rest of us.

        “Most of the time if we all got what we”deserved” ,especially by the way we act,or attitudes,kindness probably wouldn’t even be a word”

        Again, you’re projecting your own feelings on everybody else. If you have an attitude that precludes kindness, that’s your situation, not mine. Just compare the tone in your post with mine, and you might get an idea of the kind of attitude I’m talking about.

        “Somehow the world has come to the point of why would i do that for her/ him? They’re not better than me. Open your own door,nothing wrong with your hands.”

        Lol, please quote wherever I said that. What I actually said is “Kindness is not or should not be gender dependent. If you’re kind to women only because they’re women, and not to men, you’re putting men in a position where they deserve less or no kindness. Therefore inequality.”

        Notice how I addresssed kindness regardless of gender. I have a problem with being force fed a “rule” that says I have to be kind to any random woman out there just because of her gender. Being kind is a decision, done out of shared humanity and desire to help anyone. I don’t know if you really are misunderstanding or just want to poison the well, but let me reiterate: I have no problem with being kind to PEOPLE. I do it and think it’s good and think everyone should do it. I have a problem with a rule that says MEN MUST BE KIND TO WOMEN, because that creates a rule that turns an act of kindness into an obligation based on the genders of two people. It also doesn’t create a reciprocal rule.

        “Stop being so selfish. Ill only do it for you if you do it for me.” That’s not being selfish, that’s looking out for myself. I’m not going to be kind to people who don’t care about me and who would not do the same to be if they were in the same circumstances. They don’t even have to do it for me, but be willing to do it for others.
        Under the rules of chivalry, a man is obligated to do things for women and the woman is not obligated to do anything for men. That’s inequality, and it surprises me why that concept is so hard to understand for some.

        Honestly the feeling I get from this thread is that some women want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be free from obligations and responsibilities but somehow foster them on men. They want to be free from gender roles but foster them on men.
        Equality works all the time, when it benefits you and when it doesnt. That’s how it works. You don’t get to be equal sometimes and get privileges other times.

        “Being in a marrige or any successful relationship you will find serving each other will make for a much better time”

        Your sentence “Stop being so selfish. Ill only do it for you if you do it for me.” is in direct contradiction with this one. If it’s selfish to do things for others only i they’ll do it for you, then it’s selfish to talk about serving each other. According to your own logic, you should be serving your husband even if he doesn’t do anything for you. Do you do that?

        “All that kind of attitude will get you is being alone or stuck with someone(spouse,girlfriend,boyfriend, friends,or family) that is just as nasty,mean and selfish as yourself.”:

        A little tip for you, I don’t actually care if some random person on internet thinks I’m nasty mean or selfish. I just care that you’re making a really poor argument, compounded now with the appeal to consequences fallacy. Also notice that your doing the same thing I talked about in my last comment, going from chivalry which is doing things for all women to kind things done for spouses, friends or family.

        I’ll ask you too, what’s your definition of chivalry? who should be chivalrous towards whom and why?
        In your view, are kindness and chivalry synonims?

        “Grow up and get over yourselves! Geez!”

        Said by the woman yelling and insulting people on a forum in response to a polite rational comment.

      • Really? Stop it. My pount is theres nothing wrong with being kind to people even if it is because its a woman or because its an older person or whatever. My husband can wash his own clothes or fix his own food. The person behind me can open the door for themselves. I can open my own car door. But im not beneath my husband or anyone else or vise versa because i choose to have good manners. Im not stirring the pot. Im simply saying this article that is about doing kind things for a lady has gone bananas. A lot of the ladies going off about being independent modern women who dont NEED a man to open a door by god! And a lot a men going off about doing it just cause its a woman! Its not the law or anything….but is it gonna kill ya?!

      • “My pount is theres nothing wrong with being kind to people even if it is because its a woman or because its an older person or whatever.”

        It is when it’s not a choice but an imposition. It is when the woman is just as young, healthy and able bodied as the man in the seat and she’s expected to get kindness from him for no reason other than her gender.

        “My husband can wash his own clothes or fix his own food. The person behind me can open the door for themselves. I can open my own car door. But im not beneath my husband or anyone else or vise versa because i choose to have good manners”

        Choose is the operating word here. Your version of chivalry would be saying you have to open the door for every man that’s behind you, but not for every woman. Would you like that?

        “Im simply saying this article that is about doing kind things for a lady has gone bananas”

        No it hasn’t, the point is why doing kind things for a lady but not for a man? The problem many people here have, including me, is that the article is putting a class of people as recipients of kindness instead of putting all people there. Tell me, why are “ladies” more worthy of receiving kindness than “gentlemen”? Why should a man be kind to ladies but not to other men? Shouldn’t women be kind to everyone too?

        “And a lot a men going off about doing it just cause its a woman! Its not the law or anything….but is it gonna kill ya?!”

        It’s not going to kill me, but it’s going to bother me because we’re in an age when women want equality but also want special privileges. It bothers me because it posits a rule where I’m expected to do kind things to women but they’re not expected to do kind things back.
        Why aren’t women chivalrous towards men? Is it gonna kill them?

      • Men arent taught to be chivalrous because women arent equal. Theyre taught it because its kind and mannerable. Nobody is forcing any kind of agenda on anyone. And most women are” chivalrous” to men,only in different ways. Most men would be uncomfortable with a lady doing these things(at least doing them all the time). Just because we are now seen as equals doesnt mean we arent different. Like i said maybe its because im from the south these things are very common for men to do and very appreciated by women. Crazy thing is (generally) nobody is feeling belittled or less equal or more or less of a woman or any less of a man because of it. Crazzy huh… oh just to share; i was very pleased with my 10yr old for offering his seat to a lady who came to the kindergarten play late and had to stand. He told her “its fine its just my crybaby brother anyway” Lol

      • Yes. Maybe it is the south. On a trip to NY last yr my husband was actually cursed at by two ladies for holding the door, and another lady kept giving him a wary look ( like she was afraid he was gonna muder her or something) as she walked thru a door held for her. Even looking over her shoulder as she walked on. Also my hubby calls all women,who appear to be older than him, ma’am,and even the younger ladies if our waitress or working behund a counter. One waitress told him” my name is Angela,not ma’am!” What?! I was shocked a little confused and very dismayed. He just chalked it all up to being a northerner…

      • Jackie you’re right, ma’am, the south has been a model of tolerance for generations.

        Nope.

        Plenty of polite people all over the country so don’t cloud the issue. And what’s this bizarre nonsense about telling people to grow up? It’s a conversation.

        The author originally shames most men, announcing that good men just don’t exist anymore, uh uh uh i mean, sooomme are good. It’s just a way to proclaim to the world that you’re awesome (him) and the rest are just regular ol’ slobs.

        I do all the things he worships. Open doors, small respectful gestures and so on. The conversation evolved into service, even though one commenter called it service, and the author agreed, but said it was not a service, and then we were left with the mess to clean up. Just imagine me expecting a woman to serve me, so to speak. I do small gestures and she makes small sammiches. I pull out chairs and she folds my socks.

        If the world is really the way you think it is, all the northern marriages would end in divorce, all your southern marriages would last 65 years, and the mid-west and west coast would be left wondering why we categorized people by the part of the country they live, and then try to figure out why we assign gender roles, break gender norms, then expect only one gender to carry on traditions. My overall point in my original post is.. lets just be nice to each other without this waaaah, chivalry is deeeaaaaad cheerleader stuff. The world is different, so lets not act surprised. Men can still be chivalrous without having it shamed upon us with whining. And don’t expect the world to change without chivalry slightly evolving too.

      • First of all i dont think the author is “shaming” anyone or proclaiming the hes Gods gift to women and all others are horrible. Just because he says these are good and valiant things to do for a lady(which they are)doesnt mean he thinks you should be tarred and feathered if you dont. And yes we have ignorant intolerant people here just like aywhere else( being a black woman from a very small town married 13 yrs to a white man and having two biracial children,i know some intolerance is everywhere). All the statements you are implying i said about divorces and marriages etc are ridiculous and untrue. I was simply giving an example of how ive personally NEVER experienced a person actually being that rude when showed a kindness anywhere ive been in the south. Nobody ever said you HAVE to be chivalrous. Its not a crime not to be. Here, it is expected and appreciated. No matter how the world “evolves” good manners and kindness will never be phased out. Why peolpe are so up in arms about it is beyond me. I just think its weird that some people are sooo against it. Noone has to do it,but what in the world is so darned bad about it?

      • For the record:

        Altair, I understand your argument (hard not to when it is so flawlessly presented!) and agree with pretty much everything you have said.

        What I liked in Extra’s post was the acknowledgement that men and women are different. I think when we go around promoting gender equality we think that we are somehow changing this fact. We are different in terms of the roles that we play within the family.. Under the threat of physical violence from another man, what man would turn to his woman and say “You fight him honey we’re equal now”? This will just never happen..

    • Why would a young Man to even consider these things in the land of No Fault Divorce, Lifetime Alimony and Child Support? When he has watched his Father cut from his life while the Mother brags about it and receives checks due to being single? I just think modern day chivalry would be as realistic as slaves thanking the master for a whipping…

    • Yes I think it would be wonderful if men would behave like this again, but in the same breathe I would like to add that ladies need to start behaving like ladies again as well. Just my opinion.

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  4. chiv·al·ry [shiv-uhl-ree]
    noun, plural chiv·al·ries for 6.
    1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.
    2. the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.
    3. the medieval system or institution of knighthood.
    4. a group of knights.
    5. gallant warriors or gentlemen:

    chivalry (ˈʃɪvəlrɪ)
    — n , pl -ries
    1. the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, esp courage, honour, justice, and a readiness to help the weak
    2. courteous behaviour, esp towards women
    3. the medieval system and principles of knighthood
    4. knights, noblemen, etc, collectively
    [C13: from Old French chevalerie, from chevalier ]
    ‘chivalric
    — adj

    Two sets of defintions from dictionary.reference.com, since wikipedia tends to written by whomever is feeling the fancy.

    As a woman, I see nothing wrong with chivalry. By all accounts, I am chivalrous too. A readiness to help the weak is not a fault in my eyes, and neither is courteous behavior towards women. That doesn’t have to imply that all that are weak are women, or that all women are weak. Can’t you just be friendly and get on with it? Can’t we all just get along?

    Be courteous, or not. Be in a relationship, or not. Seek a companion, or not. What does it matter than some random man that we may never meet in the flesh wants to behave like a gentleman? Or what he perceives to be a gentleman? Maybe he wants to grow up to be a knight.

    Maybe we should all quit judging, judgers, jeesh.

    • I completely agree. I just dont see how it could be seen as a bad thing like some of the commenters seem to think. Chivalry is definitely appreciated. And definitely not something id discourage anyone to stop doing or instilling in the character of our children.

    • “and neither is courteous behavior towards women”

      The main question is why courteous behavior towards women instead of towards everyone? that´s the point that bothers me, and I suspect that bothers most of the people here against chivalry.

      Have you noticed how you´re the first person who has taken the time to define what chivalry means to them? I think it´s because a definition would force them to use the same definition for the whole conversation and keep them from going from chivalry as kindness towards women and kindness towards everyone.

      Using your second definition, I agree with sub-definition 1 but not with sub-definition 2. Why single out women as the worthy recipients of kindness instead of just being kind to everyone?

      “By all accounts, I am chivalrous too. A readiness to help the weak is not a fault in my eyes” no, helping the weak is not a fault, as long as you don´t categorize the weak …. ” neither is courteous behavior towards women” which you just did right here.

      The problem with this article, as I told james a while ago, is that when people hear chivalry, they usually understand sub-definition 2. James’ OP actually defines kind action towards women. In the eyes of people who believe in equality, giving special treatment to someone because of their gender is inequality, even if this treatment is positive.

      • Altair,

        Chivalry doesn’t just extend to women. The word describes a set of vows that knights took to protect the weak and guard the honour of fellow knights.

        In this historical context, men dressed in armour, trained for war, vs the elderly, women and children, people living a monastic life, impoverished etc, are all in a comparatively weak position to those knights.

        This article about chivalry is frankly a little limited in what it describes and only covers a few manifestations that we all already know about.

        But no man holding a door for a woman ever did so because he believed she might struggle to open it herself. Ironically the opposite may be true when he holds it for someone who is disabled, elderly or a child – yet is there anything wrong with that?

        What makes me really sad is that some (not all) feminists get so unpleasant about men being considerate toward them in specific circumstances, especially when they wouldn’t if it was another woman in place of the man. This, in fact, is actively sexist because it presumes a lot of the man’s intentions and opinions of the person he is assisting. Presumptions which will almost certainly be entirely false.

        And the funny thing is, being unable to see such simple acts as anything other than politeness or kindness is more reflective of the negative attitude of the receiver than of the gentle consideration of the doer.

        G

      • Thank you so much for saying this. Its exactly what ive been trying to say. Maybe your saying it so simply and eloquently will get a better response. Lol

      • Graeme, point number 2 in the quoted definition says

        “2. courteous behaviour, esp towards women”.

        Wikipedia mentions “Duties to women: this is probably the most familiar aspect of chivalry. This would contain what is often called courtly love, the idea that the knight is to serve a lady, and after her all other ladies. Most especially in this category is a general gentleness and graciousness to all women.”

        But even if it wasn’t so, please quote any part of the original post that says what women should do for men or even men for other men. Quote one point that DOESN’T say “do X for women”. Then I’ll agree with your definition. Just one. Find me one that says “open doors for him”, or “stand up when he enters the room”.

        “Chivalry doesn’t just extend to women. The word describes a set of vows that knights took to protect the weak and guard the honour of fellow knights.”

        Of course there are other definitions of chivalry, which include protecting the innocent, living by a code and serving your lord. Now tell me how those definitions are being applied here. If the original article said “open the door for those with their hands full” or “give up your seat for the elderly, disabled or pregnant”, you might have a point. What you’re doing is exactly what I’ve been telling from my first comment, you’re trying to use a definition that is NOT BEING USED IN THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE to get out of the problem that all of these (new) chivalry rules apply to men doing things for women.
        Again, if you can show me how the definition of chivalry you’re giving applies to the rules especified in the article, I’ll go with it. Otherwise, you might want to find information about the “equivocation fallacy”.

      • This one goes for Graeme and all the people here saying chivalry is just kindness or an honor code for knights:

        “Equivocation (“to call by the same name”) is classified as an informal logical fallacy. It is the misleading use of a term with more than one meaning or sense (by glossing over which meaning is intended at a particular time). It generally occurs with polysemic words (words with multiple meanings).”

        Now after reading this, please show me how James’ original post is using chivalry in the sense of a code of honor telling us how medieval knights should behave instead of the more common and modern meaning of showing politeness, respect and kindness to women based on their gender.

  5. I raised my son this way and he is now married to the love of his life. He still does these things for her everyday. He opens every door for her and always shows her the respect. i think thats why she loves him so much.. I’m lucky to have a son like that and a beautiful daughter in law that loves my son.. Raise you kids right male or female !

  6. I agree with everything, EXCEPT calling women. I love calling women, texting is not my strong-suit. However, most of the time when I get a lady’s number and call, they never pick up. I always leave a voicemail too that ends on a call to action like, “call me back sometime, I’d love to continue our conversation.” You’d think that’d work, but women really DO prefer texting. I’ll wait a day or 2 and call the lady again, no answer, yet the moment I text—she’ll swiftly reply. I’m surprised most women prefer text over the sound a man’s voice, whom they fancy.

  7. to Altair:
    To serve another is to accept second place for yourself. Period. End. Of. Story. I serve because I was served by HIM. It is my christian obligation, of which I take with great honor–regardless of Man, Women, or Child. You are a child of God, therefore I serve. This is not complicated, it requires acceptance–by which acceptance is not meted list. This is the modern problem–service to others is not too common, anymore…But hey it was written long ago that it was a problem…

    Good day, sir! (an act of chivalry)

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  10. I realize men mean well when they pull our seats out, but many women like me really dislike it. . I can never manage trying to push my seat back in when sitting down at the same time. Having someone try to help push me back in while I am trying to sit makes it worse. I always worry I am going to fall. Somehow, I can manage to sit much better when I pull my own seat out just enough but not too much. If you really feel you need to do this, why not offer with a simple “May I?” I will be perfectly honest and thank you for the gesture but say no, I prefer to do it myself so I don’t fall. Try role reversal one time and see what I mean.

  11. Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.
    “I deserve to make as much as you, but pay for my dinner.”
    “It’s not just my job to raise the children, now give me the kids and half of everything you own.”
    “I can wear whatever I want so stop starring at my chest.”
    What’s that they say about having your cake and eating it too? Oh, yeah, that women have been doing it for centuries.

  12. My mother told me many years ago never to date a man who wouldn’t/didn’t hold doors for me. :) My husband holds doors for me, older people, even other guys sometimes. I hold doors for older people, people with their hands full, parents with kids. It’s about being nice. If someone doesn’t appreciate a helpful/nice gesture, that says more about them than it does about me.

    • I hold doors for everyone, as we all should. It doesn’t matter if they’re female/male, old/young, hands full/empty; it’s a common courtesy that should be extended to all.

      And if you don’t acknowledge it when somebody does this for you then you’re a jerk.

  13. I feel immensely grateful to be dating a gentleman. They do exist, ladies! I would call myself a feminist; I’m a former Marine and view myself as independent and strong. My man doesn’t open the door for me because I can’t do it myself, and I don’t feel remotely insulted when he treats me like a lady. If a man shows he is being thoughtful and considerate of you, and you bristle over it, you are denying yourself the simple joy of people being kind to each other.

  14. Women have to decide what they want. @Amy Decker: How can you be a feminist and support this?
    Either men and women are equal in salary, rights and obligations or they’re not.

    Why men have to give their seats to women? Because women are weaker and can’t stand up for long periods of time?
    Are women that weak they can’t walk from the parking spot to the venue?
    Are women damsels in distress that need a man-shield between them and the world (street)?

    The compliment and calling thing are standard human psychology that works with any gender to maintain good relationships, but could be used both ways.

    Opening the door should also go both ways, whoever got first the door holds it. Again, just human psychology of showing courtesy to another person.

    But I agree, it seems the smarter men pretend to dig the feminist thing while continuing the domination in subtle ways like this and others. This way they get what they want without dealing with much annoyance.

    • I would be curious if your anti-chivalry mindset applies to the elderly too since they have already proven they can survive without our help. Obviously the frail would be needing courtesy extended to them such as seating, dropping them off nearer a venue, etc. But what about those who are not frail? The super-grandparents, if you will. Do we respect them for any inherent reason and show it with these forms of respect or do we ditch the form and say, “I’ll respect you by ignoring the differences between us and pretend you are my peer.”

    • Dear Guy,
      I feel so sorry for you. I hear anger and perhaps even hatred in your reply. Please reread James’ post again and reconsider.,,

      • Jan, you have not addressed his arguments. Only made the assumption that they stem from a past insecurity of his. Such is not the basis for intellectual discussion.

      • “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference” Mark Twain

    • This article is about showing respect and appreciating someone. How does that mean the object of that appreciation/respect should have a lower salary, fewer rights, and different obligations? This respect/appreciation goes both ways, it is simply manifested in different ways, and this article dealt with one facet. This is not about women being damsels in distress, or weak. It’s about them being valued. Men should be valued too, it’s just that many of them often prefer to have a sandwich rather than have a door opened for them! Or they rather be allowed time to watch their favorite team rather than having priority for the seats on the bus!
      What the heck is wrong with MUTUAL pampering, and how does that make anyone weak or dominated? It’s simply two people showing that the other is important to them.
      This article is not about women’s abilities, it’s about their standards. What they’re willing to accept, and what caliber of man they’re looking for. There’s nothing wrong with stepping away from traditional gender roles, as long as it’s acceptable to both parties… but women shouldn’t be berated for appreciating someone who values them. THAT’s sexist!

    • What you describe here is real feminism. Everyone should be doing ll of these thing to eachother because that is nice. And you’re right, men shouldn’t have to give up their seats because women aren’t weak. Thank you!

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  16. In Europe we have side walks. Women in groups of 2 or more always take up the whole width regardless of how much space they have between them and ignore single oncoming people like children, elderly or men, and even in the pathways of the underground they walk in the middle of the busiest paths to hold up people behind them. What about those women flashing their handbags or sunglasses or even mascara on their eye brows (!) as if that would make them more important and real and smart and beautiful. We know it’s exactly the opposite, it is just really irritating, because deliberate deception only proves one has no understanding of self respect and respect toward nature and other people! Sometimes I feel there are important parts missing in a woman’s body, either the brain or the heart (yes, in men too!). Why ignore other people when we are all sharing a path? And what do you think of mothers ordering their kids not to speak to their other 50% of their genetic heritage (i.e. their father), surely this cannot help to build an integrated and balanced character? Who chose to get close to the father in the first place, and now wants to shut out that part of their own personality? Or when a mum threatens her kids not to ever use their right of self determination ever ever and manipulates them this way with feeding tactics, and spends her money on booze instead of buying basic clothes for her children as earmarked by her husband and family? still not missing a brain or a heart or both?? Some women take these tips here for granted and give nothing in return, gobbling up every little bit of comfort and attention, yet being overwhelmed or impressed by the very guys who see through them and take advantage of them. If instead you see through them and try to help, you’re being dragged into a blackhole of quicksand from which you won’t get out without losing something important and you won’t ever get back the time or respect you once had. This is why I discontinued holding doors open for people and making genuine compliments to women as I just cant compliment on mascara or flashy things, it’s always overrated by others with their distorted reality (yes mine is now too). I only show respect for the elders (no, not children because then may be flagged a a paedophile) but then I am very uncomfortable as to how vulnerable they are and seek to build alliances or bring me home to meet their daughters, whose fiances their not happy with; well that’s not my problem. I am just being nice and don’t want to be taken advantage of, why can I not expect that in return?!

  17. Where has all are values gone,I am 65 years old and I don’t know how we changed so much in this country,now days the morals have gone down completely.We had respect for everybody old,young,male ,female.Now we see young panhandlers on every busy street,some need it others as a second income.Women are found every day dead,drugs being made,home invasions,when I was a child we slept on are front porch , now we lock are doors and stay inside.Now Men marry Men, Women marry Women.Now women don’ t need men to be fathers, they just have children by them.Women have tattoo’s all over & pericings.We had milkman that came once a week and came in the house and put milk in are icebox.Manners where learned at school & home,kids learned how to sew,cook,set a proper table and now they don’t even have family discussions,kids just go to there rooms play games or tv. Kids learned proper grooming,hair ,brushing teeth,dressing.
    They learned how to open doors for girls & such.Now days girls don’t cross there legs.Some where we went wrong !

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  19. My father was much older than my mother when they married and therefore he was what would be considered “old school.” I was his only child and a daughter nonetheless and, of course, wanted nothing but the very best for me. At a very young age, he taught me to behave like a lady and to never accept anything less than a gentleman. My father always looked and carried himself as a gentleman and I admired that very much. Although he passed away when I was still very young, his words stayed with me. I accept nothing less than a chivalrous gentleman and that is the type of man that truly attracts me. It is ridiculous that today those qualities are rare. Even more disappointing is that some women don’t desire these qualities, but look for more superficial aspects. So, yes, please bring chivalry back!

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  21. It is so sad to me that anyone would speak against chivalry. I was taught at a very young age to respect my fellow person. Young or old, male or female. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, and giving up your seat are things done out of respect. Not some under handed plot to rule the opposite sex. It pains me greatly when I hold a door for someone of the younger generation and get a blank or even negative reaction in return. It makes me realize how large of a disconnect we have with humanity now a day’s. I don’t think these traits are just being over looked… I feel as though they are being spoken against. I don’t know what it would take to make people turn back to respecting one another but whatever it is I hope we can figure it out. The topic at hand is chivalry but the root of is diminishment is way deeper than the subject at hand. Respect is really the root of it. And respect is all but lost in today’s world. A prime example is the lady that dropped her hairbrush out of her purse walking in in front of me the other day. I picked it up and quick stepped it to catch up to her, catch her attention and return the brush to her. When I got her turn acknowledge me her immediate response was not thank you, but instead, why do have my brush… I actually felt foolish for trying to do a nice thing. Yet, I refuse to let the negativity of others turn my attitude negative. Hopefully the time I took to type this will improve at least one persons outlook on life and respect towards others.

    • That’s why when people do those things I say thank you, even if they do it out of their way and it becomes awkward for me. I think that it is important to not fall back into our default setting of it being about ourselves. If we feel that a gesture is awkward we should still think of the other person. We should be thankful that they are thinking about us, even if it is culturally different than what we are used to.

      I’m glad that you returned her brush though and are trying not to let the negativity get to you. Her was response sounds inconsiderate of you trying to help her out, but I’m sure she realized that later on. Either that, or she was just trying to imply that she’s not sure how it fell out of her purse.

  22. I reject a lot of these things, I don’t think it is because I’m a woman. It’s just that as an individual, a lot of these things don’t seem necessary. I feel most strongly about number 5 and 8.

    1. I don’t like sitting in public places. I do a lot of sitting at home and at work, and any given chance of the day I want to stand up. Especially in rocking buses and trains. I think it is fun. It’s fine for people to offer it, but don’t take it personally if the woman says “no, thanks”. If I was elderly, then yeah, I’d be nice if I couldn’t stand– but… wouldn’t I be in a wheel chair?

    2. Pulling out my chair is weird. My argument here is that I don’t see the significance unless it is difficult to do that myself. So, if I was elderly I’d see it as an act of kindness. If it is me as I am now… I still say thank you, but inside me I feel it is awkward and unnecessary. I don’t tell them because I don’t want them to feel bad that they did it.

    3. Same as argument 2. I’ll open the door for people if they are nearing the door behind me, especially if their hands are full. And others do the same. I figured this is normal. Not an act of chivalry. When it is obvious that it is an act of chivalry (because they go out of their way to do it,) then it is awkward because I’m perfectly capable of opening it myself.

    4. I hate holding up the phone to my head. I don’t care what your intention is. :)

    5. I like compliments, yes, but I know that I’m pretty. Let’s have it be about “us” and not me. I’d rather much enjoy your company and whatever we are doing that is entertaining us, than knowing that your constantly thinking of me. Tell me what you thought about the movie, was it fun? Stupid? Why? Just telling me that you love me at the end of the day is enough for me. Even then, the time spent with me speaks for itself!

    6. Walking on the street side of the sidewalk, I personally like this one just because it is a safety concern. Back where I live there aren’t that many sidewalks and the side of the street is very narrow.

    7. This one I will agree to since I’m tiny, and a 10 year old boy could beat me up.

    8. I hate this one the most. My mom is always dropped off to the front by my dad. I’d rather walk WITH MY HUSBAND! I’ll miss walking when I’m old and can’t. Let’s spend those precious moments together, even if we have to walk all the way from the farthest point of the parking lot. I always park far away from the front even if there is no one around just to get more walking in my day.

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  25. You all have Over thought this. This is what is wrong with this world today. It comes down to just being nice to everyone. Thats it!!!!! If you love someone show them in the small ways. If you are dating someone and want to keep dating them make them feel special in the little things. Most girls want to feel special and most guys want to feel like a knight. Thats the way it is. JUST BE NICE!!!!!

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  29. I usually do not leave many remarks, but after reading through a few of
    the comments on 8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back | James Michael Sama.
    I actually do have a couple of questions for you if it’s allright.
    Could it be only me or do a few of these comments come across as if they are
    coming from brain dead visitors? :-P And, if you are posting at additional online sites, I’d like to follow you.
    Could you list of every one of all your social networking pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

  30. comes a time
    This woman just got tired of being punished for the “apparent”actions of others of her gender.
    Used as an excuse to Not be the “best man you can be”.. it is a Sad excuse.

    We are not all man haters.. Some of us Like Men who are not afraid to be Men. The LAST thing I want is to have the balls in the relationship…
    Hence I will remain single.

    Men and Women BOTH need to Get Real and stop with the b.s. Excuses not to just be the Best person you can be.

    btw I found some of the Venus/Mars books helpful ..

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