7 Mindsets To Break The Negative Patterns Holding You Back


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Many of us hold ourselves back with negative beliefs about ourselves or our abilities. Here’s how to overcome them.

How many people do you think are capable of more than they’re currently doing? Odds are, the first person who came to mind reading that was yourself.

It’s okay, everyone feels that way now and then.

We all share the frustration of knowing that we are capable of so much more, yet we cannot seem to actually create or achieve it.

Why might that be?

Somewhere along the line, you started crafting a story about yourself. An identity. And this identity set the boundaries for what you are (and aren’t) capable of.

The problem is: It’s probably wrong.

The limiting beliefs you’ve accepted as a result of other people’s thoughts or actions are the very things that are holding you back. The good news is: You can re-frame them to serve you instead of stopping you.

Here are 7 mindsets to implement on a daily basis in order to achieve your goals:

1: You are worthy of love no matter what.

Many people are chasing after goals or external validation because they feel it will finally make them “worthy.” Worthy of respect, worthy of love, worthy of self-acceptance.

Here’s the thing: NOBODY who achieves these external goals, no matter how big, will tell you it was the goal that made them happy with themselves.

In fact, most of them will tell you that achieving the goal didn’t actually change their self-view at all. They simply felt a nagging need to accomplish something bigger and better.

This is because that sense of worth doesn’t come from an external source. It is already within you. Your inherent value as a human is yours from birth and will be there for all of your days. It does not increase or decrease based on your net worth, your follower count, or your relationship status.

Understanding that you are worthy of the love you seek whether or not you accomplish your goals will help you approach them with more courage, knowing that your value does not depend on whether or not you achieve them. It is yours already.

2: Life is so much bigger than this one thing.

Maybe you’re stressing out over a big presentation at work, or approaching that person you’re attracted to, or making your goal weight by that trip to the Bahamas…

While any individual goal is worth fully pursuing, it’s important to keep things in perspective.

Life is long (if we’re lucky), and it is comprised of MANY different areas. Relationships, experiences, love, health, fitness, exploration, travel…

The story of your life is vast and varied, and it contains a plethora of facets that eventually illustrate our time here on earth. When we “zoom out” and look at the bigger picture, we stop focusing so much on making each individual piece “perfect.”

The very beauty of life lies in its lack of perfection. The flaws, the nuances, the idiosyncrasies. Those are where the best stories live.

Life is greater than the sum of its parts.

3: Your intentions drive your results.

I’ve heard from thousands of people over the years that they’re “waiting.” 

Waiting for the right person to come along.

Waiting for that big opportunity.

Waiting for the next paycheck.

Waiting for…something.

Waiting doesn’t bring you what you want. Intention does.

Beginning each day with intention allows you to choose how you want it to go. It keeps you focused and moving forward, towards whatever it is you’re going for.

The love of your life, the big promotion, the six-pack abs, the college degree, the fulfillment you seek…none of it is simply going to show up on your doorstep.

In fact, waiting around for it is the surest way to avoid it altogether.

The life you desire must be created, and nothing worthwhile was ever created without first setting the intention to turn a vision into a reality.

4: The people who matter will always support you.

Who is it that you’ve always been able to count on in your life? For some, it’s biological family. For others, a lifelong friend. For some people, it may even be a pet, or a connection made online years ago.

Maybe, it’s yourself.

The lesson is this: This person, or people, don’t need you to prove yourself to them.

They love and support you as you are, today.

They are the important ones. They’re the ones you make proud simply by being yourself.

They are the ones who stand by you when the masses dissipate.

They’re the ones who really matter. Not the “fair weather fans” who only stick around you when times are good. They will come and go like a summer breeze.

Even if it’s just yourself that you’ve always been able to count on, you will always be there.

That friend, that family member, that online acquaintance — they don’t support you because of what you do (or don’t) do…they support you because of who you are.

5: It’s okay to be wrong.

How many people do you think avoid making difficult decisions because they might be wrong?

How many people refuse to take risks because it might not work out?

How many people stay inside of their comfort zone because it’s all they’ve ever known?

A lot.

Like…a lot.

The one thing they have in common is that they tend to remain stagnant, because progress requires risk. It requires the willingness to be wrong, since that is the very essence of learning.

If you only pursue the “safe bets,” you’ll never put yourself in a position to learn something new. You simply keep running in circles around a little track you already know.

That’s predictable, boring, and frankly, below your abilities.

Of course we all like to be right, but not everything we like is good for us. Sometimes the best tasting food is the unhealthiest.

The willingness to be wrong helps us learn and grow beyond our current level of knowledge. If we tie our identities to always being right, we’ll do everything we possibly can to reinforce that requirement.

This means shrinking ourselves to avoid risk of being wrong.

But if we tie our identities to learning, we begin seeking what is true.

When truth is the goal, learning becomes the result.

6: Internal validation > External validation.

We all want to be liked by others. Loved, even. ADORED, some might say.

This is natural, and it’s also evolutionary.

We are programmed to seek social acceptance because as far as our primitive brain is concerned, it keeps us safe from the dangers of the wilderness.

I am with my tribe, therefore I am protected from the Sabretooth Tiger.

Today, though, the Sabretooth Tiger is social rejection, criticism from others, or online bullying.

So, many of us seek the approval of others in order to avoid these “Tigers.”

In the process, though, we tend to lose ourselves. How do we know who to please? If we’re accepted by one group but rejected by another, are we REALLY accepted? Why don’t they like me, too?

It is impossible to make everyone happy. You can be the best tasting fruit in the world and there will still be someone who hates fruit.

The only answer is to build a sense of fulfillment and validation from within. To live by a value system that YOU choose. To live with integrity and dignity. To do good, and contribute to others.

To feel good about yourself when you are by yourself.

The better you feel about the life you are living, the less you’ll care what anyone else thinks about it.

7: You. Are. Enough.

This isn’t some platitude or affirmation to recite to yourself in the mirror every day.

It’s not me comforting you.

It’s not me coddling you.

It’s not me trying to convince you that you’re “enough” just how you are.

This is the truth of reality.

You deserve the same love and happiness that you see others enjoying because you are enough.

You deserve to accomplish great things because you are enough.

You deserve to live a life that sets your soul on fire because you are enough.

It’s not a simple thing to internalize, understand, or believe.

You will have to challenge yourself, to be disciplined, to build credibility with yourself over time.

You will have to set goals and achieve them.

You will need to prove this to yourself if you really want to believe it.

But whether or not you believe it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

You are just as worthy as any other human who has ever lived.

It’s time you started believing it.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.

1 Comment

  1. Lonstermash Mash on May 12, 2021 at 11:28 pm

    Great post! I agree with every point 100%

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