We Can’t Be Better Partners Until We Become Better Men


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It’s been awhile since I’ve written something on here and I wanted to come back with a strong and unfiltered opinion. What else is new, right?

It certainly seems to me that men are letting themselves slip.

One could argue that women aren’t holding high enough standards for men when it comes to dating, relationships, or even marriage.

But personally, I think that’s irrelevant.

Sure, some people will accept lesser treatment than others do, but men shouldn’t be stepping up to the plate because they’re forced to.

They should be holding high enough standards for themselves that it naturally elevates every area of their life.

As we work to become better men, we then by default become better boyfriends, partners, and husbands.

We become better members of society. Better fathers. Better peers. Better friends.

I think that men have lost sight of honor and personal accountability. We skate by doing the bare minimum if we can get away with it. Much like an employee who only works hard enough not to get fired.

Now, this is probably around the time where the guys are skipping to the end of the article to leave some scathing comment about how I’m bashing all guys.

Listen, if you are offended by what I’m saying here, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror and ask whether or not I’m actually right.

I’ve certainly let myself slip in the past and I am self-aware enough to admit it.

None of us are perfect, but all of us can be doing better.

Not just for a girlfriend or a wife, but for ourselves. This is the difference in the standard we need to set.

Many men want to know how to attract women. What to say, where to go, how to act, what to put in their online dating profile.

The reality is that the packaging might get someone’s attention, but your character and integrity are what’s going to keep it.

Men need to start holding themselves accountable at a higher level. We need to be more disciplined when it comes to our health, our fitness, our contribution both around the house and in society.

It is easy to get caught up in the “me, me, me” society where everything is about how many likes or followers we have.

But if we focus all of our energy on ourselves, the people around us will quickly feel cast aside or ignored.

How they tolerate – or don’t – this behavior is up to them and the standards they’ve set for themselves as well.

But I believe as men we should never put a partner in a position to have to choose their limits for just how much poor treatment they will accept from us.

We should always be striving to be, do, and give more to those around us.

So, how do we do it?

  • Reconnect with your purpose.

Many men have become so caught up in a career, business, or personal venture, that often times the actual REASON for starting in the first place is forgotten.

The things we enjoy doing are forgotten.

The people who began supporting us are forgotten.

We prioritize things that only seem to matter, over things that actually really do matter.

Sitting down and being brutally honest with ourselves about why we’re doing what we are doing is absolutely paramount to staying connected to our identity.

  • Set personal attainable goals.

It does not matter if it’s something like “I’ll get out of bed within 10 minutes of waking up,” building credibility with yourself is the path to confidence and fulfillment.

By holding yourself accountable you will build discipline and consistency. The standards you hold for yourself will be raised because you’ll stop accepting clutter, or procrastination, or quitting on yourself.

  • Communicate with your loved ones.

Sometimes issues in a relationship or a family go unsaid for so long that resentment builds, because one person is not solving a problem – since they don’t even know it exists.

We need to keep the lines of communication open with those around us because they can often see our blind spots.

Part of improving as a human is being willing to accept and recognize your own shortcomings. We all have them, but we cannot fix them unless we acknowledge them.

If you want my help and guidance to finally break through your boundaries and create an even happier and more fulfilled life with healthier relationships, reach out and let’s chat.

Let’s connect: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | Speaking & Consulting



  1. Sergio Barrio Tarnawiecki on August 29, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    I am very proud to read simple and powerful words from you, a man like myself. Makes me proud of being a man. I know it not always work in our relationships but I will continue to build my manhood by standards like the one’s you advocate. I am 76 by now and I believe have almost my whole life been a Gentleman and will continue to be so till the end of the road.
    Big manly hug
    Sergio Barrio Tarnawiecki

    • James Michael Sama on August 29, 2019 at 4:43 pm

      That is amazing Sergio! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment AND thank you for setting a positive example for all of these years. Happy to have you here good sir.

      – James

  2. Henry on August 29, 2019 at 8:45 pm

    Michael, Michael, Michael, so sad! You’ve bought into the feminist bull hook, line and sinker. Does the word hypergamy mean anything to you? What percentage of women do you estimate practice it? So who exactly needs to step up their game? A choice to focus on what you want to is not a slip. Stop the misandry Michael. STOP IT!

  3. Daniel on January 16, 2020 at 4:36 am

    Truly insightful…. Thanks!
    How can you know when a relationship becomes a relationship for you? Found this also helpful “4 Most Important Questions To Ask When Casually Dating”. Here’s the link https://www.dariesview.com/2020/01/4-most-important-questions-to-ask-when.html.

  4. Azadeh on February 18, 2020 at 6:45 pm

    God bless you James, I wish my ex could read this. This is exactly what I wanted from him and the reason we split.

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