The ONE question you need to ask yourself after every date


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Dating, among other things, has become exponentially complicated over the years. Understandably so, as life in general has gotten more complicated.

Instead of love letters and trips to the diner for milkshakes as your primary mode of communication, we’ve got Instagram DMs, Facebook messenger, texts, tweets, WhatsApp, dating apps, and the like…

Easier communication also means easier LACK of communication. We can easily be ignored and ghosted just as quickly as we can be contacted.

While this is just the tip of the iceberg that I could chip away from in terms of dating complications, one thing has always (and will always) remain consistent, regardless of generation:

A relationship is simply two people who enjoy spending time with each other in platonic AND intimate ways.

There, that’s it. My stream of consciousness just broke down everything we all need to know about what a relationship is. Let’s skip the overcomplications we all already know about: Having to support each other during difficult times. Getting along with each other’s families. Sharing the same values and vision for the future. There are A LOT of moving pieces when it comes to a healthy, functional relationship that cannot be overlooked.

But each one – especially in the beginning – follows the guideline I stated above. Two people who enjoy spending time with each other in platonic and intimate ways.

Therefore, when you’re getting to know someone, there is only ONE question you need to ask yourself at the end of each date or time spent together:

Did I enjoy my time with this person enough to see them again?


Stop worrying about the rules they did or didn’t follow. Stop worrying about the little things that you’d never remember in 5 years. Stop looking for reasons that the relationship will not work.

The bottom line is that when you come home from the end of a long day at work, pour a glass of wine, and sink into the couch for a TV show or two, you absolutely NEED to ENJOY the person who’s sitting on the couch next to you.

They may not follow all the rules. They may need a little guidance with communication. They may (will definitely) frustrate you sometimes. That’s life. That’s reality. That’s the imperfection of the human race and how we interact with each other. There is no avoiding it.

The beautiful simplicity of asking yourself this question at the end of each date, is after answering ‘yes’ enough times in a row – you’ll inevitably find yourself in a relationship with someone who you know you like enough to keep seeing.

If the answer is no, then you won’t have any regrets.

If you think this is too simple, consider that maybe, just maybe…bringing back simplicity is exactly what we need.


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1 Comment

  1. lonstermash on July 19, 2018 at 12:13 am

    While I pretty much hold to this motto, as well, and agree that dating has become wayyyyy too complicated with people almost looking for reasons that things won’t work out right off the bat, I have to say that there are definitely some things that I think SHOULD prevent you from a second date, regardless of how much you enjoyed the other person’s company and want to see them again. For example, if you do not want kids but find out that she does want kids on the first date, perhaps a second date is not in order, unless you both are OK with just hooking up and having fun. Or, if religious background/lack thereof, for example, is a deal breaker to you, perhaps a second date is not in order unless you are OK with things not going anywhere. The problem is, unfortunately, as I found out with someone who was otherwise the love of my life and who had an amazing 20 month relationship with me, I had a feeling she wanted a family, while I did not, but I figured “Hey, it’s only one date……..things probably won’t go anywhere serious, because they rarely do with me, anyway,” so I had many, many more dates after the first date. in fact, we spent literally every day together after a few weeks of dating. The topic came up after a month of dating, and I hoped internally that I would change my mind because she was THAT special, so I gave a vague, “I don’t know, maybe” answer when she asked if I, too, wanted a family. But no matter how hard I tried, it just never happened, and we had to sadly break up still madly in love with each other.

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