Your 5 Step Guide to Achieving Happiness in Your Life
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As someone who coaches driven, ambitious people on how to perform better in life and in love, it is not my job to tell them what to do, as common perception might lead you to conclude.
Any good coach’s responsibility is to guide. To ask the right questions, and help YOU find the answer. A coach doesn’t have your life experiences, your perspectives, your genetic makeup – the lens you see the world through because of who you are.
But it is our responsibility and job to see the blind spots you might not see. To help you shift your perspective to open the door to new possibilities. To craft a mindset alongside with you that leads you down a more productive and fulfilling path.
But one thing that can be implemented by everyone is a helpful step-by-step system to help organize your thoughts and develop an outline you can follow in order to achieve your goals.
Here is a five step breakdown:
#1: Develop clarity around what you actually want.
This might seem simple, but it’s important and often overlooked. Think about the way you’ve been living your life up to this point – be brutally honest with yourself when answering these questions:
- Are you living in the way that you want, or the way that you think others want you to?
- Do you know what ‘success’ and ‘happiness’ actually mean to you – outside of societal perceptions?
- What are your short term and long term goals?
- Do your short term goals, added up over time, lead to the long term goal?
- Are you taking consistent action every single day to reach those goals?
Every single book, talk, webinar, or coach out there who deals with success will tell you to write your goals down. Not type them out. Not think about them. Physically write them down with a pen and paper, so your mind draws a direct bond to them. Really understand the things you want to have, the things you want to do, the places you want to go, the feelings you want to feel.
Then – ask yourself why.
Why do you want that? Why is this important to you? Why does this drive you at your core? Ask yourself over and over again, forcing yourself to peel back the layers and reveal the REAL reason WHY you want to dedicate your life to taking action towards this.
Once you dig deeper than you ever have – you’ll realize things you’ve never realized before. It might completely change the track your life is on, or it might reinforce it. Either way, you must be opened to the idea of this happening. If you need to blow up your life and start on a new path in order to be happy, then that’s what needs to be done.
Remember – if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.
#2: Begin building credibility with yourself.
Now that you’ve gained clarity on where you want to go, it’s important to understand that none of it will ever matter if you don’t believe you can actually get there.
My brother is the 8th fittest person in Massachusetts. When I see him do competitive workouts, I am always in awe, and also struck with the feeling of “I could never do that.” Even though I have been working out for years.
The same day I’m writing this article, I had my first full session similar to what he does, only obviously at a beginner level.
In a word: Embarrassing.
But, I understand that if I want to achieve certain results or accomplish certain goals, I cannot look at people who have been at it for years. I cannot compare my day 1 with their day 10,000. I need to shut off the outside distractions and focus on my day 1.
Now, day 1 is complete. Success!
I wanted to start on a path, and I did it. This now helps me build credibility with myself because I accomplished a small goal.
Set a goal for yourself and tell me what it is in the comments: Are you going to wake up by a certain time tomorrow? Are you going to go for a walk after dinner? Are you going to finally clean out that junk drawer you’ve had for years?
No matter what it is, set a SMALL goal, and go accomplish it. Then, give yourself an emotional pat on the back. Give yourself permission to feel good about doing something small.
As you can continue to do this, you’ll continue to build more and more confidence through credibility, understanding that you CAN do what you set out to do.
The confidence you build through these actions will be the foundation required to actually become the person you need to be, in order to reach the goals you want to reach.
#3: Set on a path of learning.
Your current skillset has already gotten you as far as it’s going to in life. Now, if you want to do better, you’ve got to become better.
When was the last time you read a book instead of your Facebook feed? Watched a seminar instead of Netflix? Taken a class instead of gone to the bar?
This is where that brutal self-honesty comes in. Are you REALLY working to become the person you want to be? Or are you allowing yourself to slip as soon as you set a goal you know you won’t work to reach?
With apps like Audible and Blinkist that are available now, reading consistently is super easy. Press play and listen. Instead of listening to music – you can read on your commute, read while you’re in the shower, read while you’re having lunch. You don’t need to spend EXTRA time to learn, you just need to be more efficient with the time you already have.
Set a goal for yourself (ahem, step #2…) and hold yourself accountable. It could be one book per month (very easy using Audible), or registering for a class, or whatever it may be – but it’s time to break out of your comfort zone and work on being productive.
#4: Break down the process into pieces.
Most people never even get started on their journey, because like I mentioned earlier, they get overwhelmed by looking at the long term goal.
If my goal was to compete at my brother’s level next week, I’d probably go into cardiac arrest trying to get through the first set.
But, if my goal for next week was to land a better time than I did today, THAT, I can do.
Speaking of my brother, I was talking to his girlfriend last weekend (also a fitness trainer) about proper nutrition. She started talking about how those little cheats here and there (a cookie, maybe…) might not seem like much of a big deal, but if you look back at what you collectively ate during the course of the week, it will set you back.
It really got me thinking, because all you really need to do is perform at a high level for ONE day. Then, you simply repeat that over and over again.
Ask yourself: Are you laying the proper foundation to reach your goals?
If you’re single and want to meet someone – are you consistently talking to X amount of new people every week?
If you’re in a relationship and want to strengthen it – are you checking in with your partner frequently and working on improving your communication skills?
If you want to reach a new level in your career – are you learning the new skills required to perform better and advance?
If you can reverse-engineer each individual goal into a series of processes, that’s when the magic happens.
5: GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET STARTED.
Here’s the thing: A coach cannot make progress for you. A book cannot make progress for you. A seminar, documentary, article on the internet, or a gallon of coffee – cannot make progress for you.
Nothing myself or anyone else says to you will do the work for you. Knowledge is not power – IMPLEMENTED knowledge is power. Knowledge with ACTION is power.
Knowing what to do is great, but it is nothing without actually doing it.
So tell me in the comments – what goals are you looking to achieve and what process will you set up in order to get there? I’d love to hear about your journey.
The journey, after all, is what must be cherished at each individual step. Fall in love with the journey. Fall in love with the process. Do not tie your happiness to an end result, condemning yourself to dissatisfaction at every stage until you get there.
Love the here. Love the now. This is life.
And one last thing – I fully believe in you and your ability to accomplish anything you want in this life.
Now, go get after it.
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FREE E-BOOK: 15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN