The Biggest Thing Holding the Average Person Back When it Comes to Dating


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I should start this off by saying this will probably piss some of you off. If you’re not ready for the honest truth about what the average person’s biggest challenge is when it comes to dating, it may be time to click the back button, I won’t be offended.

Alright, down to business…

I hear from a lot of people that they have a really hard time finding someone to date. This is not about maintaining a relationship. This is not about carrying on a conversation. This is not about chivalry, or manners, or respect.

This is about initial spark and attraction that needs to occur before any of that even takes place. And, the hard truth about that attraction, is that it’s based on appearance.

Now, I’m not saying you need to have gotten lucky in the gene pool, or fit a stereotypical mold of beauty or handsomeness in order to attract someone. I am not saying that only beautiful people can date. I am not saying that you’re shit outta luck if you’re still struggling with acne (believe me, I’ve been there).

What I am saying is that many people out there don’t quite put their best foot forward on a regular basis. It is easy to get comfortable and complacent and toss on the same ol’ thing when you go to work or the gym. It’s easy to pull that hat over your eyes when you’re in line at the coffee shop. It’s easy to snap a quick cell-phone photo for your dating profile without worrying about the lighting or your outfit.

It might be easy – but it doesn’t attract the people you’re trying to attract.

Here’s where it gets sticky: Most people don’t put in effort to be attractive in their own way. And, that is completely fine! But the problem arises when these same people are actively trying to date or find a relationship. When that is your goal, certain steps need to be taken to achieve it. The same as any other goal in life – you need to set yourself up for success.

How often are you in the gym? When was the last time you got a new outfit? Have you ever done a photoshoot with a photographer? In the dating world, you are a product, and marketing is key.

See? I knew I’d piss some of you off.

To attract, one must be attractive. This means dressing for your body type in a way that makes you feel sexy and powerful (regardless of what your body type is, or what your style is – it’s not about that). This means projecting yourself well both in-person and online. This means having good quality photos on your dating profile (the clothing of the internet).

This means walking and talking with confidence and posture that demands attention. It means smiling when engaging with others (men, smiling will help you be less intimidating to women and communicate better). It means taking the time to really analyze how you want to project yourself to the world.

It’s about being sexy – but sexy is not about mini-skirts and 6-pack abs (though, sometimes it is…). Sexy is about confidence. Sexy is about being well-spoken. Sexy is about being outgoing and social. Sexy is about being mindful and conscious. Sexy is about self-development. Sexy is about living a healthy life.

Sexy is about working every single day to be the best possible version of yourself, in order to live a life that is happy and fulfilling, regardless of your relationship status.

Sexy is about feeling sexy and attractive. When you can truly say that about yourself, you will walk, talk, act, converse, and live in a more vibrant and energetic universe.

That’s what having sex appeal is all about.

Watch and share the video below, and be sure to click here to get my new book, Unlocking Love: 10 Keys to Finding The Love of Your Life (Even If It’s You).”


  1. Mary Brown on December 9, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    Problem is I’m not average you see.Wolves come in sheep clothing. I promise you suit n all n cheap shoes.Trust me Im a first class exprience n abuse victim. I’ve decided to just be single n just enjoy me.Men are quick to say this that n the other.However you can put your best foot forward n run every morning a perfect size 7 and be in good health. Can I ask you a question why some men make excuses cause they are to shy and timid to ask a real good women out.However have no problem asking flossy out.I ask you when was the last time you paid for a women photos, gym membership,clothes,nails,hair,perfume,jewel,respect,love,admire a women n told her how beautiful she is.Problem I have with all this is no matter how you dress it up and make it up you can’t make no one love you n be faithful.Look Mr.I’ve done all the above and was unappreciated.Paid all by me if I have to do all these things for myself what I need a man for?I can’t do weak minded arrogant men on a ego trip or that are intimidated that worry to much about the outta shell.I want a man that sees me from the inside out. I can’t stand a cheap scape and I’m tired of hearing what men want all the time.I would love to hear more from men who dosen’t care if you rich or not but look at your heart of kindness,love,gentleness,patience,giving.I understand what you are saying oh believe me.I would love to dress with the best of the best.Please send a check to the broke A$$ as you call it to 306 Cocobol Dr.Santa Rosa Beach 32459 Please all gentleman understand love is rare these day’s and a real blessing is hard to come by.Sometimes you have a diamond in the rough n you so busy eyeing a cubic zirconia cause she walk n talk her part even a prostitute Can do that if you paid her.Always remember the devil appear as a angel of light.I rather wear my so call rags as a peasant hmmmm🙄😉n be loving,kind,giving than being fake to be arm candy for fading beauty any day.Beside beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.I’m waiting for a gentleman to ask me out whenever n however the Case maybe n yes I’m really good and you pissed me off.I’m a realist remember this .I’m tired of naysayers who talk to me from cyberspace world.Man up called me the right way or keep on trucking baby.I’m tired of doing every thing to keep a relationship going.I’m burned all out.25 years worth to be exactly.This isn’t for the faint in heart I can guarantee you this.I don’t need the internet nor media to tell me what to do or how I should be as a beautiful women of noble character that’s what the Holy Spirit is for.I want my beauty to be radiant from the inside out that when I walk in the room it shift the whole astophere with love n glory you feel me?Can you handle this?Everyone dosen’t have that ability it’s called beauty in holiness.You are right I’m not serious about the internet dating n if I were believe me baby you would know.Also this reverse pyscolgically isn’t working. So u can admire from cyberspace.Good bye boo😂😂I’m me take it or leave it bye boy

    • James Michael Sama on December 9, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      I have no idea what any of this says.

      • Tara on December 9, 2017 at 8:13 pm

        I feel like this may be a chatbot, or someone impersonating a chatbot – for whatever reason…

      • James Michael Sama on December 9, 2017 at 10:19 pm

        Unfortunately not, Tara – she has commented before and sent me emails, all are equally as illegible and all over the place.

  2. lonstermash on December 12, 2017 at 3:22 am

    And she wonders why she is single, lol

  3. David Harley on March 2, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Maybe she’s BPD
    Unfortunately I just broken up with one.
    Or maybe I should count my lucky stars now that I have have the guts to break up with her.

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