The Real Reason Nice Guys Finish Last


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Recently I was featured on a great podcast interview. One of the questions I was asked was in line with some responses I’ve gotten to my articles before: There are plenty of men out there who are not chivalrous and romantic but are still ‘successful’ on a certain level with women. So, why put in the extra effort?

In addition, if nice guys really do finish last, are chivalry and romance really what women want? I do agree that nice guys finish last, which may surprise some of you to hear – but to make sense of this we need to define what a nice guy really is, and how he differs from a good man.

In the video below, I give my thoughts on the real reason nice guys finish last.

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  1. Anne Seidel on February 3, 2015 at 2:27 pm
  2. StaceyL on February 3, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    I appreciate the point you are trying to convey however I feel you are using the wrong terms to do so. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, well mannered, chivalrous and other positive qualities. You use the term “good guy” the words good and nice and used interchangeably daily throughout the world.

    The message I believe you were attempting to convey is “you get what you bring.” There is a difference between a boy and a man. A man knows who he is, what he wants, has a clear direction in life and won’t go against his morals and beliefs, for anyone.

    There were some good and strong points you did get across and I appreciate those but would suggest that you polish your verbiage for future videos.

    Best of luck,

    • James Michael Sama on February 3, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Solid feedback Stacey, thanks!

      I think it’s important to note that defining the ‘nice guy’ in the way that I did is not a misnomer. It was intentional and I did it to bring light to the fact that when someone often refers to themselves as a ‘nice guy,’ he is typically the type of person who is either sacrificing his own self worth for the sake of the approval around him, or in reality he is not really nice at all.

      The idea here is to change the perception of the term so that we are not using ‘nice guy’ and ‘good man’ interchangeably, but instead defining the differences and putting a positive connotation on one, over the other.

      Of course, I always welcome constructive criticism and spend time each day working to improve, so your feedback is greatly appreciated. I just want to make sure I am conveying my own points properly as well.

      Thanks again,

      – James

  3. Nancy Cokinda on February 3, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    James, I am an even bigger fan after this last blog. So many males are “lost” about what their roles should be, and they tend to become very misguided. A good woman wants a good man, not a puppy, or a lost boy. Good women are quickly frustrated by lost boys who abdicate their own personal leadership, and equally frustrated by males who are not good men.. ” Nice guy” has become a buzz word for a defaulter—someone who coasts, takes the path of least resistance—-has no substance, stands for nothing. It’s unfortunate that both young males and females are out of touch with how to be a good leader. They see things in polarities–either a victim or a bully—instead of understanding and embracing the elements of responsible leadership. Good parenting, good business management, good partnership–all come from a keen understanding of responsible leadership, and putting those principles to practice—consistently. Kuddos. Keep leading!

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