While it has always been the case that a man needs to set himself apart from the crowd in order to get, and keep, a woman’s attention – advancements like social media only increase the intensity of the “competition,” for lack of a better term.
The fact of the matter is that actions really do speak louder than words. A woman will never believe you if you tell her you are different than the guys who have disappointed her in the past, you have to show her. And not just once, but consistently over time. Trust is not handed over to you, it has to be earned and then it has to be kept.
Given the current state of dating and the level of effort (or lack thereof) that many men put into courtship, here are a few things you can do to show a woman you are serious about her.
Pay attention to detail.
This is a recurring point in some of my articles because it is equally important as it is overlooked. Men are notorious for forgetting little details (hence the million and one commercials about a guy forgetting his anniversary, or something). We generally get a bad rap for selective listening or things of the sort.
If you want to show her you are really paying attention to her, really work on active listening. Ask her how her friend is doing who was sick last week. Pick up that candy she told you she likes, randomly. Notice when she changes her hair or buys a new outfit. Small things go a long way.
Work on your manners.
Manners are increasingly more important these days because they are becoming increasingly more rare. Whether it be saying please and thank you to your waiter/waitress/bartender, helping her with her coat, or having her order first at dinner – the fact that you actually understand the importance of manners will put you ahead of the curve.
Be up front and honest from the beginning.
A few months ago I polled women on my Facebook page asking if they could send one message to men, what it would be. The vast majority of answers were about being consistent, honest, and truthful about what he wants out of the relationship they are entering. Too many women are becoming distrusting because men have said one thing and done the complete opposite.
This one is tricky because it requires patience and consistent effort. You could be being completely honest with her, which you will know – but she will not until some time passes. A man’s charm can only gain a woman’s interest…it’s his integrity, sincerity and consistency that keeps her with him.
Stop trying to sell yourself to her.
I have heard many a story about how the first few dates with a guy have consisted of what sounded a lot like a sales pitch. Whether it be bragging about his accomplishments, how much money he makes, or name-dropping people he spends time with, talking about these things will likely do more harm than good.
If a woman has agreed to go on a date and spend her time with you, you already know she is interested. Be cool, be natural, learn about her. It’s not a job interview, just let it flow.
This includes actually picking her up for the date (unless she insists otherwise), cleaning out your car, opening doors, pulling out her chair, and yes – paying for the date. You may think that basic acts of chivalry are just common sense, but unfortunately they are lacking, more often than not.
The good news is: This means it is easy to stand out by letting your actions show her that you respect and value her, which is what chivalry is all about.
Actually pick up the phone.
Now that it’s in your hand, go to “Contacts,” find her name, and instead of clicking the little yellow text folder button, click the green ‘call’ button. This may be a surprise to some, but smartphones actually make phone calls, too!
Sure, texting is quicker, easier, and a more common mode of communicating – but when it comes to subjects of note such as asking a woman on a date or discussing important topics or plans, a phone call is more appropriate. Other times you should just call her: When you want to ask how her day was, when you want to hear her voice, and just because.”
Understand what is truly valuable.
The right woman doesn’t want your car, your money, or gifts. While gifts can be nice and a nice way to show your affection, what she really wants is your time, your effort, your honesty, your loyalty, and your respect. Those are the things that really matter in relationships and in life.
Always be working to improve yourself.
We cannot complain about not being able to find the right woman if we haven’t put in the effort to become the right man. Great relationships are not just about finding the right partner, they’re also about being the right partner in order to attract the type of person you want into your life.
Ambition, drive, and goals for the future are all essential qualities of a man who a woman is considering building a serious relationship with.
Take pride in how you present yourself.
Whether it is how you dress or how you speak, understand the importance of a first impression and how you are perceived. No, this does not mean to live your life on other people’s terms or always look for validation from them.
What it means is, understanding the importance of making a good impression when meeting someone new. A man who takes pride in who he is and how he presents himself is desirable to spend time and engage in conversation with. If a woman can see right through you or finds that your character has about as much depth as the puddle outside, you won’t be keeping her attention for very long.
Accept rejection with class.
This one may be a little confusing but it is perhaps one of the most important points of all. A true test of a man’s character is not how he acts when things are going his way, but how he acts when things are not going his way. When he gets rejected, let down, hurt, or feels slighted.
One of the most prominent complaints I hear from women these days is about how men lash out, get angry, and become abusive when they are rejected. This is a very big problem because it reveals someone’s true character and reinforces her entire decision not to be with you in the first place.
You may be asking yourself why it matters if she is already rejecting you. For any man worth his salt who carries himself with integrity, it matters because it not only shows her the type of man you really are, but it shows all of her friends (who she will tell) and most of all – it shows yourself.
Any man who lashes out when he is rejected by a woman is sending the message that when he looks in the mirror he is unhappy with what he sees. His fulfillment and self-worth is not based on himself as it should be, but by the acceptance of the opposite sex. When this self worth is challenged, he gets overly defensive.
A man who is truly secure in himself will understand that sometimes things just don’t work out. Not every woman is going to want to be with him, and that’s okay – because he is happy just the same. He understands the right woman will enhance his life and be an important part of it, but she will not be all of it.
A good man is chivalrous and kind, but not just towards women – towards everyone. He maintains a lifestyle that is respectful to all, and inspires others to adopt his values through his positive actions. If he encounters negative or unappreciative responses from others, he does not let it affect him. He is a gentleman towards others because of who he is, not because of who they are.
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