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8 Reasons Women Suddenly Disappear

FREE E-BOOK: 15 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING A GENTLEMAN

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Not long ago, my good friend Adam LoDolce from SexyConfidence.com enlightened us on seven real reasons why men suddenly disappear. Men are usually the ones who are on the chopping block when it comes to simply dropping off all communication with a woman, but the truth is that it goes both ways as well.

So if you find that a woman has completely stopped answering your calls, texts, smoke signals or carrier pigeons, what could the possible reasons be?

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The first date was the worst date.

Whether or not you did one (or more) of the things that guys sometimes do to ruin a first date, it is possible that she just didn’t feel the chemistry or enough of a connection with you in order to continue spending time with you. This is a bruise to the ego because nobody likes to be rejected. We are essentially being told that we are not good enough to spend time with, or that she would rather spend it with someone else.

As difficult as it is, try not to take it personally. She’s only going to choose one guy to be her significant other, and out of 7 billion people in the world, you are not alone if you’re not him.

She has been insulted when she has turned people down before.

Even as a man, I know this is real. It’s very real, and I have seen it. I have seen Facebook messages and texts where men literally flip a switch and down right insult the woman they were trying to go out with no more than five minutes ago. The severity of the insult(s) does not matter, though I have seen some bad ones.

What matters is that there are many men out there who fly off of the handle when they get rejected and turn into flailing toddlers having a temper tantrum. In order to avoid this, she just might disappear instead of letting you down easy, because she doesn’t know if you’re one of them.

She doesn’t really find you interesting.

Nice guys don’t finish last – boring guys do. But don’t worry, if she found you boring then she just wasn’t the right type of woman for you. You can’t win’em all.

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She avoids awkward conversations.

Men do this too. I think everyone does. Nobody really enjoys having difficult, awkward, even confrontational conversations. But some people completely avoid them like the plague, and if she is one of them, she likely will just never have it with you and disappear.

It is right? No. Is it frustrating? Yes. Is it reality sometimes? Also yes.

She doesn’t want to explain her reasoning.

This one could actually be to save your feelings. I have had women tell me intimate details about a date or an experience with a man that completely turned them off and they had absolutely no desire to ever see this person again.

Do you think they are going to explain their dissatisfaction to that man himself in the same detail? Absolutely not.

I am torn on this because on one hand I would want to know what I was doing so wrong that women were literally running away from me, so I could work on it and change it. But on the other hand, it would be incredibly embarrassing to hear. So if she disappears, be honest with yourself and see if there are any areas you should be improving upon.

The conversation would get too complicated.

There may be things that are just outside of your realm of comprehension, or that aren’t really your business, or that would just spiral into some sort of dramatic discussion. Rather than trying to explain these things to you, she may just bypass it all together and not send your carrier pigeon back.

You were way too clingy.

Just like men get a bad wrap for disappearing but women do it too, women get a bad wrap for getting too clingy, but men do that as well. If it happens and she feels like you’re invading her personal space uninvited, she’ll be heading for the hills. I discuss this in more detail here.

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She found someone else.

Last, but certainly not least, is the reality that single women are out in the dating world meeting multitudes of men just like you are, except for one difference: They are constantly getting approached, hit on, messaged, Tindered, Tondered, friend requested, poked, and who knows what else these days.

While we are just…not.

Let’s be honest – this makes the likelihood for a woman meeting someone who she is interested far higher than it does for us. If you know she wants to be in a relationship and you are not exclusive, she is probably dating around (just like you are) and may have found someone who better fits her personality.

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Whether you are a man or a woman, simply disappearing on someone you have been dating is definitely not the right thing to do. It will leave them wondering and insecure. But if you have dated a Houdini before, and I think we all have, keep this list of potential reasons in the back of your mind and realize that it may just have been a matter of circumstance.

Two things to never do, regardless of the reason though – is to shut out the possibility that you, yourself need to improve. And also, please please do not stoop to the level of immaturity that makes you think it’s okay to insult the person who is turning you down. You may think it’s fine because you will never see them again, but trust me, your words will circulate among their friends.

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6 Comments

  1. totallyrandomgoodadvice on September 17, 2014 at 11:58 am

    You bring up a lot of good reasons and I think they are part of the issue of non-communication let-downs, but I think what it all boils down to is that the girl just doesn’t want a confrontation. I noticed at work that unless they feel it is completely worth a fight, people tend to avoid confrontation. Confrontation and letting people down can be scary.

  2. barbramcgraw on September 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Hi James, Here’s a question for you. I am a 40-something woman who has been online dating for a few years. Recently, I have been told by more than one date that the first date doesn’t really count. That’s it’s not really a date, they just want a meet-and-greet, and aren’t going to put any real effort into planning anything special until the second date, if there is one.

    Personally I find this terribly disappointing! I always make sure that I am dressed well, show up on time and have re-read their profile (or emails, etc.) so I can talk to them about their interests. To me, it’s important that I present my best self on a first date.

    It seems that men are falling off this wagon and just want to get a good look at a woman before committing to actually taking her on a proper date.

    For this and a few other reasons I am no longer dating online. The whole process is disappointing in so many ways! This is just one of them.

    I look forward to hearing your thoughts – you are always so insightful! Barb

  3. TBau10 on September 17, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    I sometimes feel like the issue with dating anymore is you feel too committed before you’re committed, especially with online dating. You spend time getting to know someone over email or texting. Maybe everything is going well, you’re having a good time, so you meet in person. Sometimes in person things just aren’t right. We’ve all been there I’m sure. Then you have this awkward feeling of having to ‘break up’ with someone you aren’t actually dating. I experience this phenomenon often and its always very uncomfortable especially if it isn’t a mutual feeling.

  4. LR on July 15, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Women get a bad rap for disappearing more often while men get a bad rap for being clingy. But then women should disappear and men should be clingy. That’s how it works

  5. TL on September 11, 2015 at 6:07 am

    How about the simple explanation of “because you f****d up”? If he plays games and does the whole push-pull rubbish, doesn’t call when he said he would, etc., what is there more to say? the silence says it all.

  6. Fiona on July 31, 2016 at 1:45 am

    I couldn’t have said it better TL. Not a fan of ghosting, it’s crappy in general but sometimes we’ve tried to talk it out and that gets us nowhere so we are left with no choice but to ghost away with a shred of our self respect in tact

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