As they say, experience is the teacher of all things. Given how unique and dynamic individual personalities are and therefore your interactions with each of these personalities, it is essentially impossible to predict how your next date with a different person is going to go.
But what we can do is take certain lessons from each experience which we can apply to the next one in order to continue becoming better and a more desirable partner for the person we are looking for.
Here are a few things that the dating game has taught me which I hope to pass along and save you the effort.
Focus on building your confidence.
As I have said in previous articles, arrogance is just as much of a dealbreaker as having zero confidence, but finding the middle ground and developing your sense of self worth is priceless when it comes to dating. Both men and women find confidence to be attractive in a potential partner – so working to develop your own is a great step in both becoming, and finding, the person you want.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
It is natural to be excited about spending time with a new person, sometimes to the point that we overlook red flags and minimize the impact they would actually have if we got into a relationship with this person. If you’ve got to justify being able to “deal with” certain things about them that you know will probably bother you in the long run, be honest enough with yourself to realize it’s not going to work. It will save you both time, energy, and heartache.
You can gauge your attraction to someone very quickly.
As if you didn’t already know this about yourself. For women, it may take a bit longer to develop or recognize the chemistry between herself and a man – so men, keep this in mind.
But speaking from the male point of view, we will likely know right off the bat if this is a woman who we want to connect with physically as well as emotionally.
And for both men and women – if “it” is not there, don’t try to manufacture it. Just don’t feel bad, you can’t control who you are or aren’t attracted to. This is where honesty is key.
Always be working to be the best version of yourself.
I bring this up frequently because it is important in many areas of life – particularly dating. Whatever the best version of yourself looks like, it likely includes being well groomed, well dressed, and well spoken. Be positive, smiling, and always improving.
A great relationship isn’t just about finding the right person, it’s also about becoming the right person in order to attract the partner you want to be with.
Figure out who you are and what you want, first.
One of the things that kept me single so long in my early 20’s was that I wasn’t really sure where I was going with my life or who I wanted to become. It wouldn’t have been fair to someone else, nor would it have been a solid foundation for a great relationship, to enter into a commitment during this phase.
An emotionally mature partner will want to be with someone on their level, understandably. Only when you figure these things out, can you be the equal half of a team that you both need to be.
Pay close attention to your chemistry during the night.
Taking small steps to know where you stand during the course of the night can help prevent an awkward situation as you’re saying goodbye.
This one is more directed towards the men, as we are usually the ones who “go for it.” Do your best to read her body language during the evening and act accordingly. If you stand close to her does she move away, or stay up against you? If you’re walking side by side and brush your hand against hers, does she grab onto it, or cross her arms? If you touch her arm or knee when you’re laughing about something does she seem to open up to you further, or close herself off?
By paying close attention to these things you will know where you stand and whether or not you should go for a kiss – which will really help you gauge her interest. If it’s going really well, you may not want to wait until the end of the night, either. There are no rules, just do what feels right.
Make sure you’ve set your standards and never settle for less than you deserve.
Too often do we find ourselves lonely, frustrated, or willing to compromise our own standards just for the sake of being with someone. When dating and meeting new people, have enough respect for yourself to set the bar where it needs to be and don’t accept anyone who won’t rise up to meet it.
Perhaps the most important point, because if you decide what you want in a partner, you’ll find when you refuse to compromise, you very often get it – eventually. Patience is a virtue.
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