Even though I like to write articles about how to better understand women and how we all need to be better about understanding ourselves in order to have happier, healthier relationships – I can absolutely relate to the challenges of not always knowing exactly how to act when there is real, genuine interest in someone else.
That period of time when you’ve just started talking and you want to be texting them all the time or seeing them tonight. And then tomorrow. And then…what are they doing the next day?
But this type of overexcitement, along with quite a few other things, can easily push a woman away. So here are a few things to stop yourself from doing if you want her to actually stick around.
Calling and/or texting too much.
Since we just brought it up, we might as well elaborate on it. There are a lot of men who figure that the harder they try, the more serious she will think he is. The reality of this is that there is such a thing as trying too hard and if she hasn’t returned your call(s) or text(s) for awhile, you should probably cool your jets a bit.
Yes, people are often attached to their phones, but they also live busy lives and are sometimes maybe just not in the mood to talk to anyone. If you smother her too much she’s going to see you as a Stage 5 Clinger and never let you get any further than you’ve already gotten. Sometimes the easiest way to lose someone is to want them too badly.
Below is a good example of this. This is a screenshot I got sent today from a woman I know personally. The guy’s name has obviously been cut out for privacy. Just, learn to take a hint.
Too much PDA, too soon.
PDA, or Public Display of Affection, can be good or bad depending on the person. Everyone has a different preference or threshold for it, but if you are still in the beginning phases of getting to know someone – it’s best to take it slow.
Don’t invade her personal space, don’t make too many physical advances, and certainly don’t take her “stop it” as a sign to try harder. If she says it, she means it.
Unless she initiates this with you, you run a very high risk of making her feel uncomfortable around you, which is the kiss of death to all of your chances.
Lack of confidence.
Remember the screenshot in the first point? That was also accompanied by a text that read, and I quote:
I will never be enough for you. You’re smart and sophisticated and look like a model. You’re far and away from anyone I’ve ever dated and I would be intimidated.
Well…now that you’ve told her all of the reasons that you’re not good enough to be seen within a 5 mile radius of her, what other charming anecdotes are you going to throw our way?
Arrogance is certainly not attractive, but neither is self-deprecation or a complete lack of self-esteem. If a woman thinks you are going to need constant reassurance 24 hours a day, you can bet she’s going to step aside and let someone else give it to you. If you want a mature, confident woman in your life, you’ve got to understand that she wants to be an equal in a relationship, not a babysitter.
Too much confidence.
Yeah, I know, you’ve got swag for days. An independent woman with class is not going to be impressed by your shiny watch, how much you make, or what kind of car you drive. If you try to sell yourself too hard, she will see right through you and likely write you off as being arrogant. Confidence is a turn-on, arrogance is a turn-off.
If you want to go out on the weekends and pick up girls, then by all means lay all of your cards on the table. But the only possessions the right woman is going to care about are integrity, class, and heart. How you will treat her is what matters, not what you can give her.
Lack of etiquette and manners.
Basic table manners and just common courtesies are seemingly more and more rare. Things as simple as texting during a date, being rude to the waiter/waitress/bartender, or any other act that shows your human decency could use a tune-up will have her heading for the hills.
You bring up sex too early on.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I think if two consenting adults are enjoying each other’s company and both choose to spend the night together, then that is fantastic! No judgment passed.
But too often it is initiated without really gauging a woman’s interest and the brakes immediately come on. How many men are out there just trying to be nice in order to get something they want from a woman? From this very woman you are out with? If you have any real, genuine interest in her – make sure she knows that your sights are not just set on one goal.
If a man is truly interested in a woman, the time frame matters less and less, because time together is what he is going for, regardless of what they’re doing (or not doing).
You reveal secrets too soon.
We all have our quirks. Things that we do or enjoy that we probably wouldn’t make public, and there is nothing wrong with that! In a relationship, you may even grow to love those things about each other.
But during the courtship process…bringing it up is probably not a good idea. How many women have you heard say “Are there just any normal guys left out there?” And, you might be one of those perfectly normal, kindhearted gentlemen…with sort of a weird interest that not many people know about.
Until she really gets to know you, keep those kinds of things under wraps so she will understand that it’s just your quirk that might be a little weird, and not you as a person. If she finds out private things about you too early, you’ll just be “that guy with that thing.” Not a good look.
You play it too cool.
It’s a matter of finding the sweet spot. You don’t want to smother her but you also don’t want to pull a disappearing act because you’re afraid of showing too much interest. If she doesn’t know that you actually want to spend time with her or talk to her – she will just find someone who does.
There is a big difference between playing it cool and being too distant. Make sure you find the middle ground.
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