Whoa whoa, slow down…an article about women making the first move on a blog about chivalry and romance? What gives?
First – let me make myself clear. When we use the term “first move” it can be something as small as a woman simply making eye contact with a man or giving him a smile. Opening the proverbial door of communication and signaling to him that she is open to be approached or have a conversation. I am certainly not suggesting that a woman should throw herself at every man in the room or take away his masculinity by tearing the dating reins out of his hands.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, I am frequently asked about my thoughts on women making the first move if they are interested in a man and he is not making the advances that she would like him to make. This is a topic that I have considered writing about for some time now but have not yet tackled.
Do I believe that men should still take the lead when it comes to the courtship process? Yes. Absolutely. But are there times where the woman may have to give him a little push in order to set the cycle into motion? Yep.
Here are a few reasons why.
It is better to regret than to wonder.
This is something that men already know too well. We understand the hollow feeling after letting that momentary window pass where we could have said hello. Where we could have approached a woman, or picked up that thing she dropped, or smiled when we made eye contact – but didn’t. We know all too well the feeling of “what if?” And, it sucks.
You are a strong, independent, assertive woman living in the 21st century. If there is a man you are interested or want to say hello to, then make your interests known. You never know who may be dying to talk to you but just doesn’t know how to take the plunge. Open the door for him and allow him to walk through it.
Men’s egos are on the line when we approach women.
This is something not many men will admit to, but I’m going to lay it all out on the table right now. It doesn’t matter who a man is or how confident he is in himself, there is always that flutter he feels in his chest before he approaches a woman whom he doesn’t know. Will she be friendly? Will she give him attitude? Is she here with her boyfriend?
This is something that we don’t often talk about as a society, but it consistently looms over every single man’s head. By approaching a woman we are taking the risk of our confidence being bruised. I understand I am not making the act itself sound too appealing for you, but refer back to the first point and understand that it will be incredibly rare that a man will not jump at the chance to enter into a conversation with you. He just may be too nervous to start it himself.
Keep in mind – odds are he has been rejected often by women, whether it be out at a bar or online dating. Eventually it becomes more and more difficult to endure the chance of that rejection, again.
If not you, who?
You want to get to know this man. You want to start a conversation and learn more about him. And why shouldn’t you? You are a beautiful, intelligent woman with a lot to offer. Don’t you deserve the chance to show him how amazing you are?
(S)he who hesitates is lost, as they say – and by hanging back and not making a move, you are risking the chance of him starting up a conversation with someone else, perhaps simply because of the circumstance that she is standing closer to him. You will end up kicking yourself as you watch them exchange phone numbers.
It will absolutely make his day.
Do you know how often men usually get approached? Practically never. Society and tradition tells us that we are the ones who have to do the approaching. Again, by doing so, we consistently risk rejection and very often face it.
It is a more than welcome change of pace to have a woman start up a conversation with us. Some of us don’t need anything more than a “hello” to rocket ourselves into being charming and humorous. Not to mention, men want to be wanted and desired as well. A woman actually starting a conversation with us will make us feel more confident and give us the mental freedom to engage with you further.
You need to take control of your own happiness.
Life is not something that just happens to us. It is something that we need to take control of in order to create the situations and outcomes that we want. If you sit on the sidelines and wait for Prince Charming to come ask you to dance, you leave the time frame in his hands. You give up control and willingly become a witness to your own life as it happens around you.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is right outside of your comfort zone. All you need to do is step outside of it and begin creating the life you want. He will love you for it.
Let’s not forget that men love confident women. Confident women are sexy. Confident women are ambitious. Confident women go after what they want – and when they want him, that is the best combination of all.
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