Why Selfish People Can Never Truly Love

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There are many perceptions of what “true love” looks like in today’s society. People attempt to quantify it or put characteristics or actions or labels on it – but it is a difficult thing to define since every situation is unique.

Though, once we filter through all of the pop culture interpretations and checklists of what someone who really loves you does or doesn’t do, there is one thing that remains true in all types of “real” love.

Sometimes – it means putting someone else’s happiness ahead of your own.

Love is about compromising with someone, or even sacrificing for them. This is why people can think that love hurts, because if it is one-sided, it will hurt. But the only thing that’s telling you is that you’ve given your heart to the wrong person, because in a situation where it is reciprocated, both people will be willing to give to the other.

For this reason, selfish people can never truly love another, because they will be less willing to compromise. This will inevitably lead to one partner giving more of themselves than the other, which can cause resentment or confusion about feelings that are, or aren’t expressed.

It is often forgotten that compromise needs to go both ways in order to actually be effective. the gap left by the distance you’ve budged from what you want is filled by the happiness of your partner. This is why great relationships are about give and give, not give and take.

While I fully believe in giving emotionally to your teammate, I also stress the point that there is such a thing as giving too much (here are some signs that you are). You should never do something for others for the sake of a return – as kindness for the sake of a reward is not really kindness.

If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you will always be left wondering if they do.

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8 Comments

  1. MeAndDating on August 5, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    There are givers and takers. Takers are selfish. Eventually the other person runs out of what to give. Two givers is a match to treasure. In nature everything that thrives has a feedback loop. In a relationship with a taker, there is no feedback.

    • Matilda Nightingale on October 5, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      Hi Meandating I completely agree with your comment. I have had two very selfish partners all take and no give. They wanted to do exactly what they wanted to without even asking me and I felt left out in the cold most of the times. I suffered bad depression at one time yet this selfish man still carried on the same way. The second one was not quite so bad but he still had ways I did not like he put his friends before me and I did not like that one bit. He made arrangements for people to come round for a meal without asking when I objected he said if you don’t like it f–k off. I left in the end and lived alone although I felt lonely at times it was better than the other option I had with those men. I am now happy with my friends who don’t give me any grief and my health is much better now. But selfish people can be both genders not just male.

      • Carole Heath on October 5, 2015 at 5:05 pm

        Your so right Matilda Nightingale I had a similar problem with a partner I left also. As the old saying goes as one door closes another door opens I am glad you have found a happier life now. These selfish people aren’t worth bothering with.



      • MeAndDating on October 6, 2015 at 5:12 pm

        Well, my experiences prove that women are equally capable of self-seeking behaviour. We’re Givers in a world of Takers and it sucks, at times it sucks the life-force from our marrow.



    • Natasha on April 6, 2018 at 7:15 am

      You’re a genius. So on point

  2. Munene Mbogoh on August 6, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Reblogged this on Almost Anything.

  3. Carly Bish Chaney (@carlybish) on November 8, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Hi. I’m the photographer of the first image you used in this article. I would really appreciate credit and even more than that, being asked to use my images to promote your content. I bet the other photographer whose image you used would also appreciate the same courtesy. Please email me at carly@carlybish.com to resolve this issue. Thank you.

    • James Michael Sama on November 8, 2014 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Carly! Thanks so much for letting me know. I’d be more than happy to link back to your site through the photo and additional credit. I have arrangements like this with a few photographers to ensure consistent use of photos, but many I come across are often unsourced so hearing from the photographer is always welcome. I will email you this response as well. Thanks and great work!

      – James

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