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The Real Reason Smarter Women Stay Single Longer

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I was recently sent an article titled “Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single.” Well, alrighty…but why?

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The article cites multiple sources such as this, this, and this, to justify its sweeping generalities of both men and women. For men, it is asserted in so many words that we are essentially power mongers in relationships and only want a woman who will be our subordinate, and not our equal. That smart, ambitious, educated men want someone they can sort of mold like silly putty while she stays home with the kids and he goes out and brings home the bacon.

And they say time travel isn’t possible…it seems we’ve just reverted back to the 1950’s.

The generalization about women is that the more intelligent you are, the more threatening you are. The assumption from men will be that you’re arrogant, overbearing, challenging.

Talk about perpetuating the notion that only men are “allowed” to be smart and successful but women are not – if they want a mate, that is.

I think it’s safe to say that most of my reader base is intelligent and mature enough to recognize these generalizations for what they are: Garbage.

Is it true that intelligent women stay single longer? Very possibly, yes. Is it true that some men out there want a little puppy dog for a girlfriend instead of an equal teammate? Yes, I’m sure it is. But is this a notion we want to spread through society as the accepted majority of “just the way things are”? No, stop it.

(Let me say – I understand that different arrangements work for different people and there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom or a housewife if that is what makes you both happy. When my brother and I were born our mother started her own business so she could be home with us, and it has allowed her freedoms that she would not have otherwise had with a traditional job. So, the structure of a relationship is, of course, case-specific).

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So, what is the real reason why smarter women will stay single longer? Well, I don’t have articles and statistics to back up my opinion, but what I do have is real life experience speaking to and spending time with intelligent women.

The real reason is – they understand how to weed out the oppressive jackasses and they don’t settle for someone who is going to treat them like property. They understand that an ambitious man who is secure in himself actually wants the opposite of a woman whose goals and dreams he can stifle for the sake of his own. He wants a woman who will be standing beside him in life, supporting him in his ventures as he supports her in hers.

Intelligent women understand that if they are going to enter a relationship, it is because they want to be with someone, not because they need to be with him. For this reason, they will grow closer together, be more affectionate with each other, and appreciate their teammate more – because they have come together by choice and not necessity.

Men want a woman who is going to be his partner in crime while still appreciating his desire to do what makes a man be a man. Small things like opening doors or taking her coat. Things like making her feel safe and protected. Not because she is unable to do it herself, but because he wants to show her he cares.

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The beauty of this combination is that it allows both partners to live individual lives while still being emotionally and romantically connected. The “I don’t need no man” mentality is not the solution here. too much independence can make a man feel unwanted and undervalued. Men know you don’t need us, but we want you to want us.

Women these days are bold, smart, and educated – they know what they want. What they don’t want, is the generalized chauvinist categorized by the article in question here.

Regardless of your race, gender, or any other quality – never allow anyone to make you feel that being “too smart” or “too successful” makes you unworthy of love. The truth is, it’s just the opposite.

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33 Comments

  1. ladyhawk87 on August 1, 2014 at 11:48 am

    I loved this article :).
    I’ve seen a lot of my friends in their late twenties wonder why they are not married yet. In India that’s supposed to be late.

  2. 15yearsandcountingdream on August 1, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    A very well thought-out and written article. I agree with everything that was said. When I was younger, I did want to be a stay-at-home mom and have the husband be in the traditional role of provider and cherisher. Young and naïve. Didn’t work, he became the oppressor and abuser. Didn’t want me to work. His words “you get to independent.” This lesson taught me to be self-sufficient and now I am married to a man that appreciates my work ethics and my intelligence, and is not threatened by either.

    • Nena on December 10, 2014 at 3:08 am

      I completely agree. Im only 22 & it seems im making strides career & personality wise compared to my male counterparts. It true that they don’t mature as fast as we do. Theyre only priorities right now are their friends, career, & sleeping with as many women as possible before they think theyre ready to settle. Heard it straight from my exs mouth. Not that Im looking for a husband any time soon, but its very dissapointing how soft men have become. No respect for women, to afraid to approach us anymore, no ambition. Women are taking the lead because we have no choice! I think its a number of things from lack of father figure in many households, acceptance of sexual fluidity in media, and women gaining more (deserved) power in society have all given men this nonchalant attitude. I also think intimidation & resentment lies underneath it all as well. I honestly have no worries about finding a guy.Im no ball buster but Im smart, & ambitious. The youngest person at my office. Man or not, I plan to travel the world & eventually adopt. Very fufilling indeed!

  3. Mark Rosin on August 1, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Agree completely. My wife and I met after we both finished university and we both had a good start on our chosen career paths. We both work and have through our time together. We have two children that keep us busy together. Twentieth Anniversary this summer. This beautiful relationship is what we love.

  4. Rebeca Flores (@Rebe2781) on August 1, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I agree completly. We want independence but at the same time we want to feel cherished. It taked longer to find a good guy who is worth your time, because you know what you want and wont settle for any less-

  5. surfercajun on August 1, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    appreciate the article and comments, but I love being a homemaker teaching my children. :o)

    Have a great weekend!

    • Mel on November 13, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      Did you have to sacrifice your intelligence for being a homemaker? Because your comment suggests that you clearly have missed the point of this article.

  6. Natasha on August 1, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    I do believe intelligent women are more likely to wait until the right person comes along. It seems many men tend to be more mature and emotionally intelligent starting in their late 20s, after the partyboy phase is over (this is also true for some women), so the trend is toward later marriages for those who want an intelligent (emotionally or otherwise) partner.

    Smart women are also taking the time to build their own life – whether through additional schooling, working their way up the career ladder, or pursuing some other goal, and they often want men who demonstrate similar drive and ambition. But it seems such men are often not ready to commit to an equal partner until they feel secure in their own career path. If a man is still trying to figure out his own life, he doesn’t have the focus to adequately commit to a woman…

  7. rlcarterrn on August 1, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    I think I can speak from my own experience & say that intelligent women are only threatening or unattractive to men who aren’t worth our time anyway. And I think you are absoutely right when you say that intelligent women are more likely to be able to easily weed out the a$$holes & never settle for less than what we know we deserve. I know my husband tells me all the time two of my most attractive traits are my intelligence & wit.

  8. Heather on August 1, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    I consider myself a “smarter” woman though I married my husband in my early twenties. Perhaps it takes longer for some “smarter” women to figure out who they are and what they need than others.

  9. totallyrandomgoodadvice on August 2, 2014 at 1:45 am

    I think you’re right: girls who are smart don’t settle for average guys. My fiancé tells me that because I’m intelligent (his words) I’m not an easy girl to approach because it’s more likely I’m going to turn them down.

  10. Ms. Šahíyena: All of Me on August 2, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Nice to hear these truths from a guy!

  11. Nikki Babie on August 5, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Reblogged this on THE OFFICIAL NIKKI BABIE BLOG.

  12. rwalds03 on August 5, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Reblogged this on This Is What Makes Us Girls.

  13. Anna Ventures on August 9, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Love love love this post!

  14. Joseph on August 15, 2014 at 1:26 am

    The ‘right person’? What a crock. The divorce stats are something like 63%. You’d probably have better odds picking a compatible spouse by playing spin the bottle. Or maybe through an arranged marriage. Just another article to justify gen x’s and y’s getting married later. The reality is they are getting married later for selfish reasons because today we pursue short term pleasure not long term happiness.

  15. Jan on August 28, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Women stay single until it’s time to panic. Let me remind you ladies about something feminism failed to do – your fertility. Unmarried women in their 30’s are piling up, your male counterparts are now looking for younger women since their datable age span of women (and wealth) grows with age.

  16. Joe on September 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    I don’t know any men that want women to be “property”, etc. etc. or are oppressive jackasses as this article implies is so commonplace.

    • James Michael Sama on September 17, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Ah, but Joe, if you could only listen in on the conversations I have with women you would realize it is more common than one would think.

      Sad, but true.

  17. Catherine Michael on September 20, 2014 at 8:50 am

    This is for Joe, Jan, and Joseph. First, let me tell you a little about myself, I am intelligent, I completed medical school and have spent 7 additional years in graduate level courses over the years. I’m attractive, witty, and an adventure traveler. I love the outdoors, and generally spend several nights if not all of my overseas adventure trips trekking and backcountry camping. I’m a generation Xer. I am single, never married, never divorced. I am an officer in the U.S. Military. BTW: My mother is an engineer and also single as are all three of my aunts. None of the women in my family are married. We all have at least 130 or higher IQs. Some are in Mensa.

    To answer your question first Joe, just as James says, yes they are very common. Try listening to what your females friends have to say, whether they are married or not – you’ll be shocked if you think “jerks” aren’t common. I have had boyfriends who flew into blind rages over me changing my hairstyle without getting permission first, wearing an above the knee skirt they would never have allowed me to wear in public, talking at a dinner party, I’ve been told I should never disagree with them in public because it made them look like they weren’t “the man of the house” in front of their friends, etc. All were first cases which caught me off guard and resulted in my ending the relationship pronto. I have found many men aren’t aware of how common chauvinism still is in our society, until they see it happen to their girlfriends and wives. My brother used to rant about how women were just “picking fights” with this “feminism crap.” Then he married a Navy Officer, a graduate of the Naval Academy and he got to see first hand what the problem was as he watched what has happened to his wife during her career. He understands now and can’t believe he never saw it before. (Want further evidence read the comments from Joseph and Jan, if you don’t see the problem ask some women you know to read J & Js comments and tell you what they think about them)

    My refusal to back down and not respond to the errant comments above is another reason I’ve had boyfriends leave, because I am “too opinionated, and outspoken.” I happen to like debates and deep discussions, I’m definitely not into fighting on any level. If you don’t agree with me, fine, state your case, I’ll think about it. But just because you are the male and I’m the female don’t expect me to bow to your argument unless I see merit in it. And in case you are wondering – yes, I have changed my opinions. 🙂

    Joseph, using divorce stats to “prove” their is no “right person” is ludicrous. Its like looking in a dog kennel and declaring there is no such thing as a cat because there isn’t one there. The people who are looking for the “right person” aren’t contributing to the divorce statistics because they aren’t getting married – so obviously they aren’t getting divorced either. As for selfishness, I don’t go for that either. What is selfish about not hurting the people I love by not getting into a bad or abusive relationship? How is my not being happy in a relationship good for the people who care about me? Why would I stay in a relationship with someone once I realize we aren’t compatible if all that is going to do is hurt them? Being in a relationship has impacts not just on the couple involved but also the friends and family who love and care for you. If you are unhappy then they are going to be also. So how is it selfish to realize that being with anyone other than the “right person” is going to impact the emotional well being of more people than just me and the person I’m with?

    Finally Jan, where to start… I’m truly saddened to see such a dated comment on this type of forward thinking forum; leave the attitude in 1950 please. Women today do not equate marriage with having children. We can have kids any time we darn well choose to, married or not. As for me, I would rather have a child on my own than run blindly into a marriage so that what, there will be two adults in my child’s life?

    There a many women who can’t have children – either because of age as you imply or because of physical reasons. Are you claiming that men only marry to make babies, that women who are unable to procreate are not marriageable material? Some men likewise don’t want to have children, or have already raised a family. Deciding whether to have or not have children in a relationship is about the wants and needs of the people involved and not about age, marriage, or gender. and if age is a factor then there is always adoption.

    Feminism is about recognizing when there are biases toward someone based on gender, in this case specifically the female gender. It’s concept/philosophy/cause – not a war, and it didn’t “give” women anything. It is about thinking how what you say and do impacts the people around you. It is simply asking you to “put the shoe on the other foot” and see things from another perspective. You should try it sometime.

    To think that men are the only ones who have, or are entitled to increasing wealth, larger dating age ranges, and younger partners is so outdated it would be hilarious if you weren’t actually serious. Women are dating much younger and much older men (I would think women as a whole have the larger age range to date as they can date practically any men of any age during their entire adult life. At 25 you can date anyone 18 to 82+ and when you are 40 it is still the same. Look at Demi Moore, Cher, Liz Taylor, the list is endless. Unless you are rich, men in their 80s for the most part will have a hard time catching anyone under 50 unless they are really wealthy and even then it isn’t a cakewalk. I get asked out by more 30 somethings now that I ever did when I was under 30 myself, so I don’t buy the idea that only men can date younger. As a matter of fact many of my friends are married to younger guys, it has more I think to do with a smaller dating pool for Xers our options are date older baby boomers or younger gen Ys. Gen Ys are a closer parallel to Xers in culture and attitude than the baby boomers so I think that is why many women are dating younger these days. (That’s a total guess on my part.)

    As for wealth, I hate to be the one to break it to you but women are making pretty good salaries these days. No it’s not totally on par with men’s salaries especially if you are talking salaries of the upper 5% but it is getting there – and how many people are in that 5% class anyways? Less than 1000 as I remember reading. Wealth accumulates over time, unless you started life with a fortune and lost it, you will normally be wealthier when you are older than when you were younger.

    Jan, you sound like you have a lot of anger and at the moment it is focused on women, maybe you want to think about that and talk to someone.

    • Ali on October 9, 2014 at 8:21 am

      Fantastic reply. Thank you 🙂

    • Windy City Girl on December 10, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Great reply! Very intelligent and balanced!

    • bhelle on May 26, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Oh very well said ms. Catherine…

    • Alexander Lourdes. on August 4, 2015 at 7:55 am

      Okay Catherine… Interesting way to advance your argument.

      Being 21. I can’t say much of these things. But I do feel attracted to more intelligent ladies. And would find it really unbearable speaking with someone who isn’t getting where I’m coming from.

      And yes, all generalizations including this one, are dangerous.

  18. nanu on September 29, 2014 at 12:38 am

    you are allowed to be anything you damn want, but why is it always the men who you blame for for everything? like your singlehood? grow the fuck up.

  19. Joelle on November 1, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    Reasons most men dump their women, or use them as pump and dumps:
    Flabby body before childbirth.
    Loose vagina
    Odiferous vagina
    Materialistic
    Chooses friends before relationship
    Inactive
    Manly hands
    lack of libido
    Constant dry vagina
    Sordidsexual past
    Has dated a black guy in the past
    (But it’s perfectly fine for him to date black women)
    Lack of courage
    She stands for nothing
    Flabby breasts
    Implants

    Illogical and irrational
    Horrible at oral sex
    Cannot achieve orgasm
    Strange body odor
    Alopecia
    Religious beliefs
    Deep voice
    Smoker
    Alcoholic
    Watches too much television
    Unimaginative
    Lacking booty
    Flat chest
    Narrow hips
    Higher salary
    Sometimes it can be either one that transmogrifies into resentment or a combination of a few.
    Notice I didnt say has a crappy job?

  20. Anita on December 10, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    This articol is focused on smart women, ok, and I agree with most of the things written by the author…but what’s the point to insert pics of sexy women in it?!?! What do you want to communicate with these pics?

    • James Michael Sama on December 10, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      Nothing…I used fashion/style based photographs in all of my articles because they enhance the appearance of the website. The messages are communicated by the actual words in the article.

  21. Ginger on December 12, 2014 at 9:35 am

    “The real reason is – they understand how to weed out the oppressive jackasses and they don’t settle for someone who is going to treat them like property. ”

    Yup! Not settling for anything less than exactly what I want/deserve!

  22. theunspokentruth12 on December 26, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Reblogged this on theunspokentruth12.

  23. BeingVeryHonest on May 4, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Most women that are single prefer dating different men all the time which they Can’t settle for just one to be Committed too.

  24. amphitrite on May 27, 2015 at 3:33 am

    So does this article insinuate that women who marry early are not smart? I know that this is based on the author’s opinion still it is VERY degrading. I for one married when I was 20. Why? Because I found the right guy who loves, respects and supports my goals. He spent most of his salary to send me to another college where I can get a 2nd degree.

    Smart women know what they want and go for it, period.

  25. TheRealReasonWhy on May 12, 2016 at 6:50 am

    Career women especially which their Greed And Selfishness tells the story.

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