On my constant quest for self-improvement, and knowledge related to it, I frequently find myself coming across pearls of wisdom that I am motivated to share with you all.
On the topic of dating and relationships, it is often said that “we accept the love we think we deserve,” and often do not receive anything more, because we end up settling.
But what is the deeper route of this issue? When we think of it as our “identity,” we can start to uncover patterns and start working to change them.
For example – let’s say you are trying to quit smoking. You may define yourself as a smoker until X amount of days after your last puff. If you still see yourself in this light, you will be more susceptible to going back on your commitment to yourself because, well, you are a smoker after all.
But what if you started framing yourself as “not a smoker”? I have personally never smoked a cigarette, so if someone asks me if I want one, the answer is easy: “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” This simple phrase does more than just politely turn down the offer, it literally defines who you are in this case. You are not a smoker.
Why does an athlete get up every single morning and train before they do anything else with their day? Because they are an athlete, and any other action besides that would be inconsistent with their reality. Make sense?
Tony Robbins says “The strongest force in the universe is a human being living consistently with his identity.” The more we explore these scenarios, the more we see it ringing true.
Do you think anyone who genuinely believes they are “big boned” will ever be able to lose weight, no matter how hard they try? No – because they have defined themselves as such and will always be sabotaging their own progress in order to remain consistent with their identity. (I understand there are some health issues that prevent people from losing weight, but that’s not what we are talking about here).
So – on the subject of love – in order to find the love that we truly deserve, the first step is to actually believe that we do deserve it. We can easily see these patterns remaining consistent, it is only natural to accept someone who doesn’t treat us as well into our lives if that’s the best we think we can do. On the flip side, people who have higher self-image and self-worth will of course, reject anyone who does not meet the standards of how they expect to be treated.
Do whatever you have to in order to change your patterns. Have your daily alarm on your phone read “Raise your standards today.” Change your passwords to reflect a positive change. Make consistent, small adjustments that will always remind you of your value.
Set the bar for what you will accept in life – and then never lower it.
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