Breakups are rough. We’ve all been there – sometimes by our own choice, sometimes because of our partner, and sometimes just because of circumstances. But sometimes what’s even worse than the breakup itself is the weeks after your ex leaves (or should leave) your life.
So, what can you do to make the healing process easier?
Cut off all communication.
Unless there is an absolutely essential reason to stay in touch (like a child or apartment together), the best way to start getting over someone is to have literally zero contact with them. This means deleting them from Facebook, losing their number, and unfollowing them on twitter.
The less you actually see of them, the less you will think about them, and the easier it will be to move on. Absolutely can’t stand the thought of losing their number? Give it to a friend who you trust and then delete it from your phone to make the concept easier.
Call your friends your ex hated.
Everyone has those one (or two…) friends who are a bad influence. The perpetually single menaces to society that live and breathe debauchery. These are the exact people you want to spend time with when you’re newly single, because they will put a positive spin on the situation and give you something to look forward to.
Instead of spending Friday night alone with a bottle of wine or (and?) whiskey, you’ll be filling your mind with thoughts of a fun night out with some friends.
Accept your feelings and deal with them.
While distractions and staying busy are good, pretending that you’re not sad or upset is not good. It’s important to acknowledge the completely natural feelings that you’re having and to work through them. Each of us has a different way of doing this, some of us like to sit in our room with sad music and be alone, others get lost in a book or go to the gym.
Whatever your way of coping is, it’s important that you allow yourself the time to do it, otherwise you’ll never face the feelings you need to and they’ll stay with you much longer than they should. Just don’t give yourself too much time to wallow, the key here is to keep moving forward.
Start a brand new hobby.
If you were in a long term relationship, it’s natural that much of your life was occupied by your partner. You had routines together, hobbies together, and plans together. To keep moving forward, you’ve got to minimize the things that you associate with them.
Take a new class, join a new group, do something that both gives you your own identity and puts you in situations where you’ll be meeting new people. This will fill your schedule with new and exciting things, and help you progress in the process.
Make yourself look damn good.
Often times a breakup can lead to us questioning our self worth. Were we not good enough for that person? And if we weren’t, what makes us think we’ll be good enough for anyone else?
While these thoughts aren’t accurate, they’re emotionally expected and we’ve got to stifle them as quickly as possible. A great way to do this is to do something to make you feel better about yourself. It could be a new haircut, a gym membership, or spending next month’s rent on a kick ass outfit.
Whatever it is, the higher you can keep your self confidence – the better.
While familiarity helps build comfort, comfort can also place you into routines that you’re going to need to break in order to move on. Whether it’s a weekend away or a month long road trip, it’s important to immerse yourself in a new environment surrounded by new people. This will give you the chance to realize that there are millions of other men/women out there enjoying life, and you should be too.
You don’t need a huge budget to travel either, get in the car with a friend and drive as far as you can, split a motel and go out on the town.
Remember why you broke up in the first place.
Too many people romanticize the past by seeing it better than it was. Sure, you two had amazing times together and built a fantastic relationship, but things (and people) change, and it probably ended for a reason.
By no means should you demonize your ex or the entire male/female gender, but injecting a little logic into your emotion during a time like this will help you see the relationship in a clearer light and to move past it.
One of the biggest culprits of unhappiness in a relationship is staying in it, or going back to it, for far too long. Never let loneliness or comfort pull you back into the arms of someone who made you unhappy or didn’t treat you right. Sure, sometimes circumstances end relationships, but for the most part it’s because two people didn’t get along or belong together. Recognizing this is key.
Stay strong, stay positive, and most of all, stay true to yourself. There will be someone who comes along that appreciates you for you. Not every relationship will last forever, but they will teach and prepare you for the one that does.
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