5 Things Cheating Men Should Know About Women
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Before the flurry of comments begins about how women cheat too, and how I’m just a man-basher…let me just say that I am also a man, and I understand that women cheat too. That’s a different article for a different time, this one, is about men.
This is about men who think cheating is excusable. Those who think that betraying the trust of someone who has committed themselves to you physically, mentally, and emotionally – will be easily forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind. That is…if you even get caught.
But, it’s not that simple. Your actions are much like a blizzard: The effects of the storm linger and require cleanup long after the storm itself has dissipated. Here are five things to keep in mind if you’re tempted to cheat.
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They’ll feel worthless.
I, thankfully, have never been cheated on. But I have spoken to many people who have. A common theme is that it often makes them feel unworthy. That they aren’t good enough. That they are somehow to blame. That it is their fault.
These are not just feelings that go away, these are insecurities that are often embedded in our emotional makeup for some time. To feel not only inadequate for the person you’ve given your love to, but that they can so easily discard your feelings for the sake of a fling with someone else, is beyond hurtful.
Is the temporary physical satisfaction worth the lying, hiding, and hurting someone you “care” about?
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They may want you even more.
Don’t get the wrong idea here. Cheating is by no means whatsoever positive or a way to rekindle the spark in a relationship. But, this could be a possible reason why women go back to men who have cheated on them when nobody else can figure out an explanation.
Think about jealousy. Think about seeing someone else flirting with your significant other. Think about how that makes you want to hold them closer. To show that you are the one who is with them. (Obsessive jealousy is unhealthy, but we can still be protective of those we love without overdoing it.)
In a situation where someone is cheated on, it will undoubtedly cause them to start picturing the physical act, no matter how hard they try to block it out. This can stir an endless amount of emotions, one of which could be possessiveness, urging them to hold onto you even tighter.
*Note – If you have been cheated on and felt this, please realize these are the emotions influencing your actions, and you deserve someone who will show you the same loyalty that you show them.
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You might open the flood gates of anger.
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and there are few worse ways to ignite a woman’s internal fire than to betray her after she has been loyal to you. Everyone deals with situations like this differently, and you will never know what the repercussions will be until you cross the line.
I’d venture a guess to say that the woman who brought you happiness for however long, could also bring a hurricane of misery to your life. You will very quickly realize your actions were hardly worth the fleeting pleasure.
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They’ll stop trusting people.
At least for awhile. And who can blame them? They trusted you. They put their faith in you. They gave themselves to you physically and emotionally. And after some time if your feelings faded or if you wanted to break it off, you didn’t even have the courage to confront her directly – you took the cowardly way out and cheated.
How is she supposed to trust the next guy she meets? What if he really is her knight in shining armor but she pokes holes in his genuineness because she refuses to believe a good man can actually exist?
As a side note, you’ve also betrayed your fellow men because you’ve given us a bad name when we did nothing to deserve it.
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She will destroy your reputation.
Just keep in mind – women tell their friends everything. And when one of them is betrayed, all of them are betrayed. It should be no secret to anyone that social media has brought a voice to everyone and causes news to permeate society at the speed of light.
Of course some people would prefer keeping their personal affairs (no pun intended) private and won’t discuss it on a public forum, but simple word of mouth between friends can have just as drastic an effect. If word spreads far enough, your reputation will precede you and you’ll be hard pressed to find a good woman who will trust you, when she already knows of your shenanigans.
And…do you deserve one anyway?
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I fully believe that not everyone cheats. Not every man, and not every woman. I’ve never cheated on anyone, and would much rather end the relationship first rather than doing so anyway.
Always remember, love, real love, is a product of honesty, trust, and mutual respect. Someone who truly loves you will not betray you, especially repeatedly. Can people change? Perhaps, if a lesson has been learned, but generally – going back to someone who cheated on you is like reading an old book and expecting it to end differently.
You’re better off writing it a bad review, and heading back to the bookstore.
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I found this to be so incredibly true. I was more angry than anything when it happened to me, but it led to a mistrust in people that I shouldn’t have mistrusted in the first place. It’s strange how it can have a domino effect that can damage more than just the person that inflicted the wound.
A survey a few years ago in the K revealed that 24% of men and 22% of women cheat in their lifetimes. A few more things about women being cheated on: 1) They sense it 2) They want to know “why?” 3) The next phase is that often blame themselves.
All of these are very on point. When it happened to me it took a good while to get past. I lost all trust and respect for myself to the point where I pushed good guys away bc I figured that they would do the same or that I wasn’t worth having a genuinely good guy in my life, that if the last guy cheated then obviously it was bc of a fault in myself that this guy would eventually see.
Totally true. The sad part is that while you’re pointing out these truths, cheaters just don’t care because to cheat is selfish and many selfish people don’t care. Maybe down the road they may feel remorse. But I can’t help but think that pointing out, what should be, the obvious repercussions will just fall on deaf ears of these individuals.
I love everything about this post, especially because it’s coming from a man. Cheating is inexcusable, no matter the gender. If you’re unhappy with your relationship, at least have the decency to end it before moving on. Great blog! Care to check out mine? downwiththenorm.wordpress.com
I had to chuckle over #2 — they may want you even more? Yes, I’d want him even more dead than alive. And holding him closer? Only to get a good view on where to aim. 😉
Great post!
Guys who are serial cheaters really don’t care. Sadly though they tend to have the sparkly/edgy personality that a lot of women find attractive and return to again and again. Women ultimately choose who they want to spend time with, if you keep running into cheaters it’s not because all men cheat…you just keep picking the same guys.
I think sometimes you can’t help when you cheat, it happens before you even know it, the emotional cheating anyway, one minute you’re friends and then the next minute you’re “just friends”. and you have to clarify it over and over in your mind because you’re too weak to end the friendship, and everywhere you turn you just feel stuck. No, I’m cheating on anyone, I’m “the other woman” please don’t judge to harshly, I feel so dirty knowing that I’m the type of woman I used to hate, even if I’m not physically doing anything, the emotional connection is enough for me to hate every bone in my body, so I don’t need anyone to tell me how terrible I am, I already know, I’m just saying sometimes, you’ve cheated before you even realize it.
You say you haven’t been cheated on in this article. not that you know of…
Yes, that’s correct.
Really good point… I thought the same and then I realized… You can’t ever be 100% sure… Maybe you will never find out but I would not be so sure…
I was single for a very long time. I had a long term relationship when I was 17-19 and then my current relationship now, which has entailed my girlfriend’s long battle with breast cancer, whom I stood beside through her whole journey back to health.
I can be sure, I’ve never been cheated on.
Also –
I’d like to add the following: It’s called “cheating” for a reason. When you’re spending time with someone outside of your relationship, you are literally stealing time that could have been spent with your love one and/or family. That too, can do damage.
Great point.
Yep, I like that! Never looked at it that way.
I lack faith in men. Trust is a huge component in a relationship and once that’s lost..it’s hard to regain. It lost its value. Everything I hoped and prayed for is no longer in existence. I was betrayed and I am still standing..strong..going through the motions. I know who to surround myself with, and those are the people I rely on for support and love. I am broken. I am terrified. I am human.
I thought I was done crying over the past but it still haunts me day and night.
Thank you for understanding. I am still searching for an answer. Maybe one day I’ll find it and be truly happy.
Sorry for that Jess, I passed through it and I can tell you that even if you don’t believe it now, time is the best antidote for this kind of things… The mother of a good friend told me once that real pain it will last 3 years after the break but it will slowly heal and there will be a time in which you will laugh about what happened and you won’t care any more… Although you won’t forget…
Thanks, Corleone(:
Sorry but even if you mentioned in the beginning… It is the same feeling for a men than for a woman… I don’t know why we should separate it if cheating a woman was worst than a man. I have been cheated by a woman and I can say that I felt exactly the same symptoms described in this article… Nothing more, nothing less… With the slight difference that I didn’t do any retaliation or I didn’t destroy any reputation… I just learned to live with it (because you never forget…) and completely ignored that person for the rest of my life.
I will probably be one of the few, if not the only guy to admit on here that I cheated…not physically but emotionally. Can we change? Does the term ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ prove true?
I think honestly, that term doesnt apply to me. She found out, and it wrecked her. We didnt speak for a week. We made amends, I gave her the choice….either I go or I stay, but I accepted full responsibilities for my actions and expected nothing else but to be sent packing. She actually took me back and forgave me, and nothing else ever happened since. I knew what i had and was determined not to lose it.
Fast forward a year, unemployment, being in a depressing state with bills piling up, she called it quits and walked out, saying she regretted her decision. We never argued about anything really, and it blindsided me so hard, especially since I was planning to propose to her the next month. I have my suspicions and my sources which lead me to believe she did the exact same thing to me…..what goes around comes around. Now I know what if feels like to be on both ends of the stick…and how I made her feel.
It shook me up enough that I consider it a life changing event….I would never EVER do it again. Always be content with what you have….because sometimes you think you can do better, when in reality its right in front of you. I was a selfish asshole, and the sad part was that this needed to happen to see what was wrong with me and make the changes needed to be a better man/boyfriend/husband/father.
Wow. Matt, thanks for your comment. You just validated what so many women have been through and felt. I’m sorry you had to go through that to realize how destructive it is. At least you emerged a better person. Men usually aren’t as resilient with emotional ruin. Thanks for being man enough to admit your mistakes and having the courage to change. We need more guys like you 🙂
I’d really like to see a better understanding (on the part of men) of how women define cheating. The internet has opened new opportunities in recent times; the men (whom I know) still think of cheating as a physical encounter of some sort. Women I know have a much broader definition, relating mostly to what they have lost or had taken away from them when their partner turned his attentions towards someone (or something, such as porn) else. So there’s a big canyon sized difference between the two views. And yes, some women do take on the blame, if only by failing to realize it’s their male partner’s personality issues (such as a huge need for attention or validation of some sort, or control, or pure selfishness, or outright immaturity) that are the cause more than “only her.” I’d wish for the people who feel confused and blame themselves: stop and really consider the other possibilities other than themselves, first.
And vice versa, the same can be said for some women thinking or acting like that. It’s not just men.
The more the internet becomes so much of a persons’ world, socially especially, the bigger this (some form of cheating) will interfere in real life. As has been pointed out already, those who tend to gravitate to outside attention (in any form) will do so because they really aren’t concerned with their partner’s feelings or wanting to talk about it (especially if they see no wrong in it). And that makes it even harder to fix the problems it causes in relationships.
This is very good. Thank you…Even though I’m just 20. hehe
Reblogged this on Danz Social Blog and commented:
So true James. Good article.
[…] View the Original article […]
Reblogged this on Musings of a douchebag magnet and commented:
Well this guy knows how to put things so nicely
This is SO true! Thank you for putting in words what some of us have felt. You are such an awesome writer!
This is a beautiful post! Thank you for writing this!
[…] Though I suppose if they were compassionate, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. I discuss this more in depth in this article. […]
Reblogged this on This Is What Makes Us Girls.
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This is very true. My girlfriend broke up with me because I only told her one truth that I’ve been keeping to myself for a year. I know she knows about it. But it’s only until the moment that she really wanted to end the relationship that I told her about it. To be honest, I didn’t cheat on her. I broke up with my ex a day ago before I started a relationship with her. But all the while I’ve been telling her that I broke up with my ex a month ago.
Yes I lied to her, took full responsibility of my actions because I broke the trust that I’ve tried to build for the whole year. No doubt I still care about her very much. But the choice is in her hands now.
[…] Though I suppose if they were compassionate, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. I discuss this more in depth in this article. […]
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Reblogged this on Suddenly, Life Happened ...
My husband cheated on me not only do I feel worthless I feel fat ,ugly I’m depressed and cry all the time.this has helped me some for that I thank u. We had been married 23 years. We have four kids together and three grandson with another on the way. He not only betrayed me but all of them also.
My husband cheated on me for about a year. Most nights, he came back home with lipsticks stains on his white shirts and the scents of women’s perfume with one that readily comes to mind which is Shalimar by Guerlain Perfume. I confronted him several times and his replies most of the times were, “I am always nagging the **** out of him and that I don’t have any proof whatsoever”. I had sleepless nights because of this issue, but because of my 2 beautiful kids I could not leave and also, I needed proof to show his family about his unfaithfulness. I was also in debt because of him. I told someone who disclosed to me that she had also passed through something similar to what I was passing through. Then, she referred me to hackingskali, a U.S based spy hacking professional, they looked into my matter and they helped me with proofs I thought it was impossible to get. I got these proofs and showed it to my husband and his family. He confessed and got reprimanded by his family and friends and he felt ashamed of himself and he changed his lifestyle. It’s been almost two years now and we have been happy since then.Thanks to hackingskali@gmail.com, we have returned to become the family people knew us as.