As these articles about chivalry and romance spread farther and farther, I find myself faced with more and more objections from men about how they do everything I mention, but it still “gets them nowhere” with women. This, of course, means they’re not getting what they want from said woman/women – a date or a relationship.
Allow me to say something that I don’t think really needs to be said. Opening a door or pulling out a chair for a woman won’t automatically overcome her with the desire to make little tiny knights in shining armor with you.
There is much more to being an attractive man than that, here are seven things to pay attention to.
You are too nice.
Everyone already knows this, but there is a fine line between being a good guy, and being “the nice guy” – a man who rushes around the table to yank out a woman’s chair before she gets to it, or nearly breaks his neck doing an NFL-esque spin move around the front end of the car so you can open her door for her, does not come across as confident or romantic. He comes across as needy and trying way, way too hard.
Any act of kindness should be natural and casual, as if it is second nature (it should be, or at least believed to be), not forced or hurried. Stop it.
Aside from that, if you have no semblance of your own opinion or preferences, you will be seen as a doormat, someone who doesn’t challenge her intellectually, and subsequently dropped like a bag of dirty laundry.
You don’t look the part.
Alright, before you start typing up your hate mail, let’s remember not to shoot the messenger here. The blatant reality of the dating world is that looks do matter. Do you need to be Channing Tatum to get a date? Obviously not – but, it is important to be well-put together, well groomed, and well dressed.
I’ve used the term “well dressed” in the past and people have gotten bent out of shape because they don’t like wearing suits, or don’t own one. I didn’t say wear a suit. You can be just as well dressed in casual clothing – what matters is the cleanliness, the fit, and the appropriateness of the style.
The fact of the matter is that we are visual creatures and putting at least a little effort into your appearance matters.
You pay no attention to what she wants.
When first courting or speaking to someone new, there are many cues you’ve got to pay attention to. If a woman isn’t answering your texts or is politely declining to spend time with you, continuing to push your own agenda will make it clear to her that you really don’t have any interest in what she’s conveying to you.
If you are only concerned with your own interests during the courting process, why should she think you would make a good significant other?
You try way, way too hard.
This is different than being “too nice” as referenced above. Often times a woman might not even realize you are too nice until she already spends time with you, but what about before then?
We have all cringed at movies where a young boy will perform a splendidly romantic act for a popular girl who everyone knows will not be interested in him because he’s being desperate. Why translate this activity into adult behavior if we secretly know in our hearts it won’t work?
Be casual and confident, if a woman thinks she is holding your volatile self-worth in her hands, she’ll stay far, far away.
She just got out of a relationship.
Sometimes, this isn’t just some empty excuse. It’s a real, emotional experience in the lives of men and women and often times we aren’t quick to jump into building something with someone new if we are still reeling from a breakup.
Even if it is an excuse, accept it, and move on. There are only two options if a woman is saying this to you:
1: She really just got out of a relationship. Stay in touch, remain friends, and see if things progress in the future.
2: She is saying it to politely let you down without hurting your feelings. Don’t push it, or you’ll force her to be honest and that won’t be good for anyone.
She is just not interested.
Sorry man, but it really can be just this simple. With billions upon billions of people in the world, no two are the same. Everyone has their own unique preferences and things they look for in a partner, and we can only commit ourselves to one person at a time.
If you don’t fit what a woman is looking for in a relationship, all that means is that you don’t fit what that one woman is looking for. Simple as that. On to the next.
She can see right through you.
A woman’s intuition is like x-ray vision towards men. If she feels that you are only pursuing her for a single goal or knows that you’re a player with a reputation, she won’t give you the time of day (if she wants something serious).
If you’re not genuine and sincere, you will lose in the long run, and sometimes right off the bat.
There is no formula for success with women. Relationships are not a science experiment where if you change X you will get Y. You can talk to and get to know hundreds of people (either gender) and still be surprised by the next one.
What’s important here, is that you continue to improve yourself while still remaining true to who you are as a person. Don’t get jaded or let rejection destroy your kindness. There will be someone who appreciates the man you are.
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